Qǐng jiāo – coke please!

Coke for me please!

I thought yesterday's "America the beautiful" commercial from Coke was fantastic. Not as cute as the little golden Budweiser, but still a great commerical. Anything with great voices usually "gets" me.

But a loud minority are not impressed that the commerical was sung in a language other than English.

Back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and I was a little person, on Saturday mornings we watched commericals. School House Rock taught us a noun is a person place or thing, that "Im just a bill on capital hill" and that the USA is "The great American Melting Pot"

What is the problem of a nation build of a myriad of cultures exulting the glories of the country in their Mother Tongue? This is like…..Christ upset that I sing in English rather than Hebrew or Arabic?

It's a great commercial showing a beautiful country

and people.

So let's watch it again.

The Talented Mr Hoffman

Philip Seymour Hoffman's death from apparent heroin overdose is a reminder of the long memory of addiction.

It clenches you tight in a fist. When you see people who have succumbed to addiction, be reminded that  they fought it as long as they could. Philip Seymour Hoffman certainly did, heading to rehab just a few years ago to face his demons head on. But addiction is hard to deter. Relentless. And finally, a slip, like all humans face whatever their demons – and Mr Hoffman was silenced far too soon.
We all have our demons. Some are obvious, some are not.

Seb is learning about his demons and trying to come to a desire to fight them. Anxiety, self confidence, turning to others before examining ourselves. I would love to rush the process to save him future agony, but I cannot. I can try to equip him for the journey, with people to talk with, medication and Ephesians 6:11: "Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes"

Life is a hard journey. We all have our demons, our failures, our triumphs.

Your journey is tough and bewildering, but the people you meet on the way enhance, equip and empower you.

Life is worth the battle.

May the Horse be with you!

It is Chinese New Year Eve, which means Charles gets a day off work!

We spent this morning taking care of basic tasks (laundry, cleaning) and then walked down to Cyberport. Charles was on a conference call with work and I walked down with the tiny people.

There was a great game of touch the flag organised between three local youth groups. THey divided into teams and were off. We bought picnic food for the kiddies and sat down to watch the games and natter.

The girls had chosen not to play. They wanted to hang out, they said. They gathered up their scooters and began to walk away. "Don't you want to stay here?" I asked, as innocently as possible and was informed that no, they wanted Freedom.
Freedom! What is this, Braveheart? Who are they? Eva Perron?

The kids mystify me. They say they want freedom, yet when they are around me, they interrupt every second, have countless quesitons and want to be in my conversations. They don't want to be two metres away from me, they want to be thisclose.

Moving on.

After the game, the tweens went to get a frozen yogurt. They were gone a while.

Seb came back crying. As he always seems to. And that pretty much ended the day for everyone.

I am really glad he is going to be getting advise from professionals, his school mentor and the FRIENDS program on how to better handle situations. He just can't manage himself. Do I blame kids for not wanting to hang around with him? No, I don't. Do I think this situation is all his fault? No I don't, but if he could handle situations better, there would be fewer of them.

So, we keep on keeping on.

Going Gluten-free…..?

We are giving Gluten Free living a go.

My children are none too impressed with me – they think GF will be the end of all things tasty in their lives and given their definitions of tasty, they could be on to something. But there are just too many stories of the links between ADD and Gluten….I think I owe it to Seb and to the family to give it a go.

I've been on enough diets to know the cold turkey is NOT the way to win the race. So we are easing ourselves into the Gluten Free living quietly and unobtrusively. We are starting with breakfast. When Charles was in the States a couple of weeks ago, I asked him to buy several boxes of Chex GF cinammon cereal. And the magnificent husband that he is, he did. My kids are very fond of their cinammon and the bitter pill of the upcoming GF lifestyle was gilded with the taste of the cinammon tinted cereal. Win for mum.

Sadly, Chex is not available in HK. And the cereal is a dwindlin' down. So Charles and I are looking for alternatives. I know about iherb, but they don't offer Chex. Something will turn up.

My friend Mary sells corn tortillas. They are gluten free and we will soon be incorporating them into our lunches and dinners. Small steps.

KINDER THAN NECESSARY

I offered someone "my" taxi today. A lady did this for me a few months ago and the kids and I have never forgotten her.

One week later we have a full circle of sorts

Today Seb and I went for a walk. We are trying to get in the habit of walking and talking issues out. There were a couple of topics we discussed as we walked and commented on random sights that caught our attention. So much less stressful for him than "Please sit down son, your dad and I need to talk to you".

On our walk we had the opportunity to be kind. A student from HKU was on a run and stopped to ask directions. There was a bit of a communication gap so Seb and I walked her to the turnoff she wanted.

As we walked back down Bisney Road, we passed a man who was driving his car. Seb raised his hand and waved. I realised it was the man who we had given a ride to last Saturday. I said to Seb, "Hey, that's the guy!" and Seb replied, "Yes, he's sort of our friend now!"

A few days ago I received an email from Feeding Hong Kong, pleading for help in raising donations for impoverished families who cannot afford Chinese NY celebration food. One in five people in Hong Kong lives in poverty. I immediately texted a great group of ladies, and we started making plans to set up "donation stations" in Pokfulam.

Today, Lesley sent me a text. Her daughters and a couple of friends had stood outside Baguio Villa Park N shop today and had received over FOUR shopping carts filled with donations. I am amazed that the girls had the dedication to do this. I am always overwhelmed by the generosity of people and I am thrilled. This is a cause for such excitement.

We are going to set up a station by Scenic Villa Wellcome later this week and there is also a donation location at Victoria Gardens.

Learning my style

Today was Sports Day for year five and six. (Can you spot Carys in the relay race?)

Sports day tends to be a frantic day for me. Twelve events, three children competing in different areas on a sports field….what's a mum to do? Obviously enlist people! For years faithful Ursula came with me as a surrogate parent to cheer, console and congratulate Jasper Sela and Carys. We had a little rotation going on, after watching a child for three events she could seamlessly go to their next event and watch for three and then pick up after I passed over the last child. That was an act of kindness.

I have learned a lot about kindness from watching those around me. Charles, Ursula, Jo, Terri – top examples of people who had an endless capacity for kindness. Mel, who spoke to her son the other day and he's now making a special point to say hello to Seb in the hallways. These kindnesses arent lost on me. And I wonder why University was always marked out as the time of our life for learning. The time when we would pay to learn.

I do not agree University was the time for learning.

During those first few months of marriage, the learning is huge. Divorce isn't an option, you're going to have to work this out. But at what cost? Personal freedom? Changing a lifetime of habits? Backing down? Oh you are paying to learn.

And then, with children. You are learning. From books, but the greatest resource is other parents. Your circle, those you watch. Those who you choose to surround yourself with. And the price? The impact of your learning and subsequent actions? Look around you. Look at your world.

RANDOM ACT OF KINDESS #5

A small one, but I've been there. Today I walked up two extra flights of stairs to open a door for a lady who had a pushchair and a wheelie filled with groceries. I remember bashing knees on doors as I tried to navigate my bags, children and stroller through doorways. It's tough enough being a parent without having someone open the door for you. So I did.

One thing about kindness – it's fun.

Yesterday I had a great random bit of kindness –

RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS #3
I cleaned a taxi driver's window where a bird had pooped on it. I had a tissue…why not?

RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS #4
Todays was nothing too original – I paid for the newspaper for the person in line behind me at Circle K.

I have noticed that these random acts of kindnesses are directed toward strangers. Maybe it's time to up the game and let Charles be the recipient of a random act. Could I close the drawer that always sticks and I hate with a passion? Clear the drain of hair before stepping out of the shower? Not crack my toes in bed so loudly he fears a thunderbolt has hit the house?
No, I can't deny him the opportunity to live with me. Take away those distinguishing attributes to my personality and all he has is a hair shedding female!

Helen has been staying with us for the past week, she leaves tomorrow. Every night she climbs into bed with me and we do a Sudoku or an acrostic puzzle. Since I have had no luck in fighting off physical signs of aging, I am doing mental exercises.

I love having Helen stay with us. Its one more adult against a houseful of savage small people. And they like her too. She laughs at things I snarl at, which is I suppose the true definition of an aunt.

Quiet acts of kindness?

Before I launch into today I've got a question – should I keep the kindness things to myself? I am definitely committed to doing them. I'm happy to inspire people to do similar things, but I don't want this to be all "Wah wah, I did a kindness today, don't you think I am great?" There is something to be said for anonymous kindness. You tell me what to do.

We are at a point where the triplets mental maths is overtaking Sebastian's. This is difficult for everyone involved. Unless they are cross with Sebastian, the triplets feel embarrassed that they are coming up with the answers faster. Seb is frustrated, and of course, I fall back on the sadness. And of course, I begin overanalysing on how he must be feeling, what this is doing to him, etc etc etc.

Sela, Jasper and Carys "get" that Sebastian has special needs. The siblings stick up for each other, and this is good.  However, if Seb is being a right PITA, then they will tell us right away, in the loudest voice possible. My kids aren't so fabulous in the quiet department.

Saturday night we went to a party for Helen, our favourite non related "welative". Helen is staying with us this week. Last night after the kids went to bed, Helen and I stayed up chatting. Twice Charles came in to ask us to be quieter. Twice! We were not being loud! Has he HEARD his kids?

It is good to have a girlfriend here to giggle with, especially one who loves all the kiddies and magnifent as well.

Aggression…mine not his.

Im one of those people who feels better once there is a plan in place. Deep down, I might know that the plan wont come to fruition – but oh I do like my researching and piecing together the hypothetical. I once put together a complete summer vacation to Prague in 24 hours simply because Charles had mentioned that he might have a conference near there and he had always wanted to see the beautiful architecture of Prague. Two days after we had this conversation he said the conference wasn't on, and I had to cancel the flights and apologise to all the lovely B&B People who responded to my emails.

We are getting to the stage where I am feeling like we have a good plan in place for Sebastian. No results yet, but there is a plan. I feel relief. But I am also wondering how many people I have ticked off in the process.

Whether your child is special needs or not, parents need to be their child's advocate. No one else is going to do it. With a special needs child – you are constantly walking the fine line. Do parents of special needs children come across as overly aggressive? Do we need to be?

I am very aware that teachers are overworked. THere is nothing 8.30-3.30 about their job. And I don't like having to send emails that will add to their workload.

Never once has any teacher Sebastian has had made us feel like we were taking up time – but it's always there. You realise the teacher doesn't mind going the extra mile, but doesn't have to for everyone. It's you who is asking more of them….again. Please fill out this report, please take 10 minutes to talk to me. Please keep an eye on my child. I am asking more of you than other people do.
This week someone described me as "very aggressive". When their confidant said, "Tess is a really good friend of mine", they started to backtrack. "Well she has to be, otherwise her opinion wasn't going to get heard."

I cringe when I hear myself described as aggressive. I don't like being aggressive. I don't like creating extra work for people. But if being aggressive is what it takes to get answers and action, I will. I will apologise every time I step on someone else's toes, but I will be heard. If I am not my child's advocate, who will be?

KINDER THAN NECESSARY DAY2

I wasn't allowed to leave the house today, and without the internet the kinder than necessary might have been tough. I wrote an email to a blogger and shared that I had read a book he had published years before. This blogger is not well, and he wrote back, pleased that strangers would remember his words long after his time on earth is done.

day after bad day

I am surrounded by love.

Yesterday was a tough day for me. There have been plenty of tough days recently, as we delve deeper into Seb's issues, the ramifications and try to push away contributing factors like hormones! As I push away the uneasy concern that my anticonvulsants "caused" this.

At the center of the love is Seb, because today as for so many days, my life is Seb centered. "Thank you for staying to see me in the relay mummy" he said, wrapping his arms around me today. "Thank you. It made me so happy and I was so surprised."

Im so glad I did the tough thing and go back to face the reality I was trying to avoid.

I sent texts to the mums who supported me yesterday and without fail, three of them texted back, assuring me of love. And support whenever.

Are other mums in such need? It doesn't seem so. I am not comfortable being so weak, but I am so grateful, when I see the acts of kindness that I don't think my son can even comprehend. Admitting I am not doing well. But I don't pretend anything else. I don't pretend all is well.

If you're going to ask me how Im doing, chances are I will tell you the truth.

These past two weeks were tough, but now that we are emerging with a plan for Seb, it's getting better. Slowly.

I hope when this down cycle is done, I do not forget the kindness. I do not think I will.

KINDNESS PROJECT DAY 1

Seb and I had an appointment with a doctor this morning. We were waiting for the HR88 minibus for quite some time. Finally, an available taxi appeared and we decided to take that. We jumped in and then I saw the man behind us in the queue, the only other person. So I asked him if he wanted a lift with us. He said yes. I wouldn't let him pay.