simply magnificent
this isn’t a valentines day letter, but it is about love. and written for love. i don’t call him magnificent charles just for fun. he is magnificent. you’ve read how i nearly missed the plane to phuket. well, those almost seizures that leave me unable to care for babies and the flat and sebastian were not a one-off experience.
last night, i was so tired i didn’t go to small group. i was in bed lights out by 9.45. and at 10.15, jasper started wailing, and continued on in such a way that really made it clear he wasn’t planning on being quiet anytime soon. he had thrown up earlier in the day (the girls still throw up, and what’s worse, they have enlisted their brother into this most reviled pastime), so hunger was behind it.
but the crying woke me up sharply, and a very few minutes after getting into the bedroom i realised i had to go and lie down again. when I say this, i don’t mean, i was really desperately tired and craved sleep, i mean, I HAD TO GO AND LIE DOWN because if i didn’t, i would have had a seizure. i’ve been playing this game long enough, i know the rules.
back to bed i went, and though i am having the petit mal seizures, they aren’t getting much worse. as they are abating, charles returns. (pictured above at Sebastian’s age) i tell him what almost happened and hasn’t happened so far, and he cuddles me. he then sees the sweaters i had bought him that morning and tells me he loves them. (he actually wore one of them today so i think he “really likes it!”, a la sally field).
then he got into bed. and when jasper again started his plaintive calling (the bum-rubbing that mum gave him wasn’t enough to get him to sleep through the night, he woke up around 2, and 3.30 and 5 am demanding attention…..) charles got up with him each time. at one point i heard the crying and got up, and charles was in the kitchen, heating up a bottle. he just looked at me and said, “back to bed, love, i’ll take care of jasper. he’s just hungry.”
you would think charles has going on in his life without his day job, nocturnal activities and permanent tiredness. but he does it all, uncomplainingly. there is never a “tess, can’t you do it this time…” he just takes care of it, again and again.
at a 1999 marriage counselling session the group leader said, “you’re in love now, and that is great. but you don’t know what love is yet. wait until you have survived grief, babies, fear, and uncertainty together…and have shared years together. time together will show you what love is.”
although i had cold feet when i married charles, i never seriously hesitated because i KNEW i loved him and that he was the BEST i could ever find. i was no prophetess…but i was right. and years down the road, we’ve shared deaths of friends and parents and grandparents, the birth of children and the frustration of infertility, uncertainty as to whether those children would live, and late nights and delayed planes, losing money on lost flights, donating money to those less fortunate than we, …and i am just beginning to see the beauty of charles.
i don’t think i will ever see all of it. every day i see a new way he is committed to me, our children, his friends, his integrity. he is tender and patient with the children, loves and jokes endlessly with my family, and is kind and gracious to his own family. he changes nappies, wipes up vomit, wipes tear streaked and hot faces with a cold cloth, hides my favourite hot chocolate in his suitcase when we go away so he can bring me a cup right before i go to bed, dances around with one, two, three babies in his arms and sebastian clinging to his legs. every day the reasons to love him are deeper and greater. i tell him more these days that i love him than when we were careless newlyweds. his ways of expressing love are there, and i don’t have to look too closely to see his love in action.
i may be 34, but i am still learning about love. i hope i continue to learn for many years to come.
