marriage isn’t 50-50, it is 100-100.
this is a good rule to live by, but a hard one.
recently, i have made a 100% marriage tough decision.
thursday, i am going with magnificent charles and sebastian to antigua. i will be gone from the triplets for 12 days. when i was in phuket, after five days i was anxious to return. barely one month later, i am leaving them again.
i will be 37 hours away from the babies. and that’s if there is flight availability that day.
why antigua? good question. magnificent charles’ mum was born and grew up there. when she died in September 2002, one of her last wishes was that the entire family be together in antigua. magnificent charles’ dad, magnificent charles, and his sisters took this wish to heart.
originally, we tried to go in early 2003. but someone cancelled it then. the second attempt was kiboshed because yours truly was gestating triplets (really! are they natural?). so here we are, 2005. plans are made.
of course, my health has been terrible. for a while, the combination of my health, and knowing how much i was going to miss the triplets made me feel i could not go. having a seizure on a plane is a new one for me, and i didn’t feel the overwhelming need to be part of that particular exclusive elite.
magnificent charles really, really wanted me to go. the last time he was in antigua (back in 2002, he went to boat week with good friends), he missed me. he had a great time with the boys, but when they weren’t sailing, he was exploring, and wanted to share the sights with me. charles knows i like walking through markets, watching the stalls get set up in the mornings, sitting in a soda, watching the town doze under the nailing sun.
MC knew this trip was going to be tough for him. being in hong kong, he doesn’t see a lot of sights that evoke memories of times he and his mother shared together. do you miss your mum? i would ask, and he would say, "well sure, but she wasn’t part of this world".
well, antigua is where she started. and was a young girl. his family is going to take a day and travel around to where magnificent’s mum lived, taught, went to school and church. if there is a time to have the impact of her life and death rolling upon him like those famous turquoise waves, it will be in antigua.
he wants me around for support.
but i didn’t think i could go, and go wholeheartedly. i just can’t.
i couldn’t stand the thought of the babies becoming more familiar with lita and mila than me.
i explained this rationally, lovingly and calmly.
and he looked at me sadly, rationally, lovingly and calmly and said,
so how do you think i will feel when i am away from you for six weeks this summer?
ah yes, this summer, when after spending one week with charles’ family, my parents have offered to bring us to yellowknife, look after my almost basketball team. babies, and their much loved wassin. i KNOW that charles travels a lot, and chances were good that even if the babies and i were here this summer he would be gone probably two of those six weeks at least, and working 12 hour days (ironically, the times they are awake) five days of the seven.
but still, it made me think.
and eventually, compromise.
so i am going to antigua.
i can’t tell you right now how much i will miss the babies. i don’t know yet.
i have a bunch of books and have promised doctors, friends and husband that i will sleep, alot.
i am committed to going, and i am committed to charles. i have let him down many times. this is one time i won’t. i am committed to ensuring charles gets the relaxation he so desperately needs as well.
do i wish i weren’t going? there is no point to that question, is there dr phil. i am going.
100 per cent.
