the undignified media spotlight on terri schiavo’s last days has certainly got many of us thinking (quite rightly) on the importance of "getting our affairs in order". that and of course the kind offers from television stations and websites to download living wills from their websites.
for magnificent and i, the biggest concern is guardianship of the kidlets. which i have written about previously, and much to my discredit, have not done anything about since that time.
but last night magchar and i actually sat down and started writing down couples we considered as options.
it was like writing a singles ad, or a job description. WANTED, must have these requirements, salary non negotiable, extremely long hours, generally thankless job unless child wins academy award.
from chats with girlfriends steph, jane and lynsey, i was able to state what some of my prerequisites were.
LOCATION is incredibly important. an excellent guardian couple choice live in new zealand. however, if the triumverate and young sebastain went to live with them, how often would their canadian relatives see them? not often, i am guessing.
AGE counts. right now lots of my girlfriends have their parents listed as official guardians to their children. but as shayna pointed out, do our parents really want to have to discipline kids? they deserve these days of spoiling. they worked hard and put in their disciplining days when they parented us. they deserve to kick back and only see the excellence of their grandchildren. raising kids is exhausting. i can only imagine raising teenagers is more of the same, except with more emphasis on taking yourself right back up those stairs and changing into something not so revealing. (aww dad! i can’t believe you said that! everyone is wearing this! well everyone does not look like you in this, and everyone is not 14 years old!) tiring work. my parents are in their 50’s. is it fair to ask them to put in 20 more years of parenting and to relinquish the joy of grandparenting? same with people whose children are already teens. and you can tell they’ve put in their time and are looking forward to the freedom. is it fair? then again, is both parents dying?
RELIGION. it is important to me that our children are raised in the church. That cuts out some of my best friends (for now! heh heh heh.)
$$$$$ – it is a little known fact that children, are expensive. i wouldn’t want my kids to financially cripple a family. sure, money is the least important in this scenario, but if both parents are having to work two jobs to support their newly acquired family, their medications and doctors, and let’s not even talk about education, is that fair to them and would it affect the quality of the family unit?
how many? – then there is the issue of, how many kids??? most of my friends already have two plus children. if they have two, they’re planning on more. six children is a brady bunch. i’ve read the birth order books, (a great one is WHY FIRST BORNS RULE THE WORLD AND LAST BORNS WANT TO CHANGE IT), and this would be very confusing and tough. it would be difficult enough for the existing children in the house my four were going into to adjust to the concept of brothers and sisters, and wouldnt’ the parents be pulled in how many new directions trying to show love to their children, plus the tentative, painful journey of embracing s, j, s,&c into their world? and then our friends who do not have children, they are planning on starting their own family, and you sort of want to see how much they enjoy parenting before you ask them to take on your own kids.
(having said that, i re-read my own blogs and i am stunned that anyone would ask me to be a guardian to their children. thank you for your faith in me and understanding that you can still be sarcastic and exaggerate and love someone to bits!)
this is incredibly difficult, planning your children’s new parents. because what you want, of course, are the closest people to YOU that you can find, because at the end of the day, the best parents for my children, and mc and myself. i hate having this adoption discussion, but i know i have to do it. because as painful as it is, if mc and i did die, and this matter was unresolved, having my family divided up and slotted into foster care is one million times worse the angst and unhappiness this adoption discussion causes me.
more soon.
