exchanging silence for safety
flashback: in 1978 we lived in edmonton. i remember the commonweath games were in the city that year, and idi amin was coming to visit. we all got a lecture about how not to talk to dark skinned strangers in shiny dark cars during the commonwealth games.
today: tuesday is sebastian’s library day. often, he let’s the librarian select a book for him, because all his favourite books: franklin, the tiger who came to tea, harry the dirty dog, canada ABC’s, he has at home.
the zip made by ripping apart the velcro flaps of his book bag were nothing compared to the rip through my heart when i saw the title of the book: DON"T TALK TO STRANGERS.
it has begun. according to the book, you should turn your back and run from, ignore or not talk to someone unless they are a person your parents have introduced you to, or a friend of a friend, or a teacher at school, or the easter bunny.
it know it is necessary. but what a bloody pity.
i remember during our edmonton days my then five year old brother met and "adopted" a couple who lived nearby. he would go to their home and eat biscuits and fizzy drinks. he gave them a lot of joy, sitting there and telling his jokes, pushing the trucks they kept around for their own grandchildren over the footstools and sofas.
the elderly love children. and they also love feeling that someone wants to talk to them. basically, i am going to have to educate my children that they cannot talk to anyone, unless i am with them to give them a nudge and say, "that’s all right". the element of spontanaety will be gone. it breaks my heart but it is necessary.
when people say, as i know i do, to other children in a playground, "hello", you can’t expect more than a "hello" back. particularly if you are not caucasian. i got dirty looks this summer from a parent for talking to his child about a the bucket he was taking away from sebastian.
children must be careful when asking people, do you know where my mummy is. because the wrong person could sweep them away. forever.
we are exchanging silence for safety.
my sister in law told me that in canada the word secret is no longer used. the not telling daddy about the upcoming party for his birthday is not a SECRET, it is a SUPRISE. this is because bad people often tell kids what is happening is a SECRET. and we need to be teaching our children that there are no SECRETS that should be kept from mummy and daddy.
but is it enough to follow the guidelines of this book? no way.
how many pedophiles have lured children away dressed as beloved and safe icons? MANY. this book should not be saying kids should approach the easter bunny. what is one of the reason’s that childrens’ restaurants and theme parks have bars and gates that slam shut the minute a child is reported missing?
the whole premise of this not talking to strangers is that no matter how nice they look on the outside, it is what is in the inside that counts. and even people your parents know, might not be nice.
a childhood friend of mine was sexually molested over a period of years by a family friend of ours. we all hung around in the same circles. but they were friends, right? the book said so.
remember holly and jessica? those two little girls were kidnapped and tortured by their teacher assistant and her boyfriend. their teacher lured them into their car. teachers are meant to be safe, right? the book said so.
here are the hard facts. of the too many children murdered each year, FEW are murdered by strangers. it is someone you know.
what can you do? this book is essentially useless. but even if those rules are essentially useless, you have to follow them, because if anything happened to one of my children, i would probably lose my sanity unless i KNEW i had done everything to street proof them.
between us, charles and i have four hands. and four children. one hand per child. but we cannot keep them at our sides forever. we can pray, we can teach them to use their better judgements, discernment, about warning signs and escape methods, but at the end of the day, we have to let them go. even, let them go out of sight.
don’t even get me started on the internet. we reviewing what we should pull and what information should stay. thank GOD hong kong is such a safe city.
as dangers crowd closer to home, it seems our children are only safe within the four walls of their home. unless you have a party, when people you know as friends whose souls might be strangers to you, enter your home, and possibly, invade lives.
THE MAJORITY OF CRIMES AGAINST CHILDREN ARE COMMITTED BY SOMEONE THEY KNOW.
may God grant wisdom to us all.
