carys deeply cares
it surprises people when they realise that carys is the shortest member of our household. her long limbs and small frame lend her that illusion of height, as does her implacable will.
she is stubborn. and she is sly. while silence from jasper or sela means they are absorbed in something, unless i can see carys, her silence is disturbing, because it means she is up to no good. sela gives commentary as she climbs, while carys goes about her business quietly. remember she used to pull books of the bookshelves? she’s given that up. nowadays she pulls wine bottles off racks, drags out a pair of trousers, a sweater shoes for her mother to wear (she does get points because the clothes often match well), lines out of knitting. she is sly. and oh my, she is smart.
she doesn’t say much, but she concentrates. and fixes her laser beam glare on you. unblinkingly. with the expression never changing. she absorbs. she listens. she learns. scarily. i think carys will be the first of my kids to say a swear word.
she’s not adventurous, but when her mind is set on something, she is unstoppable. she is self-protective. she reveals little about herself, but knows exactly what sets others off.
she used to have tantrums in the playground and would emerge from them all grotty. those days have passed. these days if her wishes are not granted, she withdraws into herself. stores up the injustice, and carries on. revenge is best served cold, is it not?
her laughter is an explosion. completely unexpected. she gives polite smiles, or else her mouth opens and his hoarse little voice erupts into a belly laugh. she refuses to sit quietly in the bathtub, she smacks the water and screams when drops cover her face. she screams when we rinse what we optimistically call her "hair".
children who had the vent. for substantial periods of time often have hoarse voices. given carys’ fey appearance, her demi moore voice is a massive contrast. she doesn’t talk a great deal, her clear vocabulary consists of 15 words. but suddenly a mood overtakes her and she gabbles. she will give a one minute monolgue. often she will jump around at the same time. and then the full moon in her mind’s eye receedes, and she is done, and subsides again. i don’t know if she wants to reveal as much of herself and her passion as she does at those times, whether she can control it.
she is the child who most loves animals. possibly it is because she relates to them. i am a little untamed too.
although she has given us many stories for laughter, i don’t write about carys in the joking way i write about her siblings for the simple reason that she is not meant to be taken lightly. she is an intense personality. she is a velvety purple, changing shades as the material is moved back and forth, and as light catches different nuances.
carys is not an easy child. she is impassive, reserved and often i do not know what she is thinking. then there are the other times. when she belts across the room to me, when i am holding her and for no other reason then the fact we are together she leans to me and explodes into laughter, grasping my shoulders tightly, celebrating all she has earned and been given.
carys has fought for life. she doesn’t have memories of the fight, but there is a pulse, a place in her that remembers. i watch her running, and she is exultant. intense. she wants this life.
my candle burns at both ends it will not last the night
but oh my friends and ah my foes
it gives such lovely light
and she does.
she fascinates me.
