putting on a good face
i went for a walk today. a good morning for it, the path had been freshly swept and the tai chi people were smiling and greeting me because it had been a few days since we had seen each other. i love my city.
it is 2007, and i am months away from being 37. and having spent a decade in hong kong.
one decade ago i didn’t know i would look like this. future wrinkles weren’t a concern – noxema was (and is) my only fight against aging , and wasn’t too concerned about it how i would look, probably because i have never been a huge believer that i look too good to begin with. i’m not a makeup kind of girl and even if i were, there’s no portrait in my attic, i knew i would age, and looking at gran and my mum i knew the years would likely be kind to me, but i didn’t know where the lines would fall. or how many inches the boobs would. the lines, they’re okay. very deep when smiling. the ones around my eyes show that i have seen alot, and focused on things far away, and close to me. smiled and scowled at them.
words on a page. in the 32 years i have been reading, i have spent countless hours with typewritten characters brought to life by clever writers. i have also spent hours idly leaving suntan oil fingerprints on pages of pulpy novels as i sat sitting on white beaches smiling as charles beside me built a boat, mcgyver like, out of sticks, straws, pieces of bathing suit, gum and twine. cheering and chastising the characters has given my face lines.
i have seen things from a distance. mount everest. watching govenor Chris Patten leave his house for the last time on june 30, 1997, nepalese royalty one week before their assassination, dolphins, whales, famous celebrities, loved ones approaching and leaving, me. squinting at them all. trying to imprint it forever.
i have seen some things up close. emotions on strangers and loved ones faces. i held sebastian when he was seconds old, i watched jasper’s eyes open for the first time, i saw carys equate me with security, and relax as i touched her face. i saw sela instinctively root towards my chest the first time i ever held her. i have seen love up close. and other things. courage at funerals where people are so brave you clench your mouth and squeeze your eyes for them. i have seen pain in friends eyes and heard it in their voices i find my mouth pursed and my eyes wet, my words useless, my arms the only consolation.
i never knew 37 years would be like this. i never knew it would be this good. that life would be so tough, so challenging, but so rewarding. the lines don’t share enough. i am so glad the 27 year old came and stayed. gave hong kong and love a chance.
