not a clean crack of the heart, but a wiggly one
so yesterday jasper and i stayed home from church. we read books for a little bit, spending quite a bit of time on beatrix potters, and then we moved to the computer and jasper practised his typing for a while.
two pages of writing later, jasper asked if we could watch television. i agreed.
usually when jasper and i are alone together and he is a bit under the weather, he will ask for the wiggles. jasper is the last of the trio who still likes watching the wiggles and the girls often outshout him when it is time to choose a video. so it wasn't a surprise when jasper asked me to put in a wiggles dvd, and we started watching it together. the one where they are live in sydney. it is a good one.
jasper seemed less engaged than usual and i began to wonder if this was because he was sicker than i had originally thought. he wasn't even 'romp pomp a chomping' with his erstwhile vigor and there was no hands in the air, rockabye your bear… he just wasn't interested.
15 minutes in, i abandoned my routine and sat down with little jude, thinking he needed a cuddle to feel better. five minutes into the cuddle, jasper asked, "mummy, can we turn off the wiggles and watch mamma mia?"
and my heart gave a distinct crack.
i managed, "sure jasper, no worries", and i kissed him and popped in the new dvd, courtesy of andrea.
i held it together until charles and the remaining three came home. once they were settled, i called to charles and he found me in the kids bedroom. in a low low voice i told him what had happened. unfortunately, my voice was so low that he needed me to repeat myself. and as i was in the middle of attempt #2, i started crying as i faced the fact that our wiggle days are done. and magnificent pulled me to him and i cried like i haven't since olivia died.
those dvd's, which gave the kids so much comfort and enjoyment, no longer do. it makes me so very very sad.
murray, jeff, anthony and greg, thank you. the kids might have forgotten your lyrics, but i don't think i ever will.
this growing up business…it's good, but oh it hurts.
