thrush aint just a bird
it is only rarely that magnificent sticks his nose in my blog, but today when i came home fuming after a run in at mannings, the "health and beauty store" in hong kong, he said, "you need to blog about this".
so even though it means losing my male readership (STOP HERE DAD PLEASE) i will give it a go, because it is only rarely that that language barrier in hong kong: a) is a problem b) makes me angry and shouty at people.
i woke up this morning to the charming realisation that i was the proud owner of thrush/a yeast infection. oh yay.
i take care of some tasks, one of them being watching an episode of frasier with my husband and then inform him that i will just trot into nearby chi fu, grab some cranberry juice and visit mannings for a three or one day course of tablets to take care of the thrush. no worries.
it does sound simple. but dare i mention that chi fu is a rather local part of hong kong.
when i get to mannings, i realise that i don't know what the packet looks like. i wander through the nearby areas, and scour female protection, sanitary products, birth control (you don't need a script to buy the pill, it is sold beside condoms here).
a chirpy salesperson approaches me and asks if she can assist me. i ask, and i mean this truthfully, politely, "where is the medicine for thrush, please?"
she looks puzzled. "for THRUSH?" she says in a loud voice, and a western man looks over and scurries away. i know him from school. i rapidly try to remember if there is anything remotely skanky that i could get thrush from. toilet seats? multiple partners? shared needles?
helpful but essentially useless girl brings over her friend. again i repeat my query. again, my query is repeated. this time, i add in YEAST INFECTION and it is seriously repeated back to me. they are trying their utmost to assist.
a third person, possibly the assistant manager during lunchtime, is beckoned over and she joins our trio. what a fun time we are having! she is rapidly brought up to date on the situation (I assume, or else the girls could have been asking her about their lunch), and then says, "can i help you." i ask, and my teeth are gritted, "DO YOU HAVE ANY MEDICINE FOR THRUSH OR YEAST INFECTION."
she perks up at the word infection. "WHERE ARE YOU INFECTED?"
and i have to say it. MY VAGINA. and i dont roar vagina, but i certainly don't whisper it either.
i probably should have drawn a picture.
assistant lunch manager looks scared (has the disease started to affect her brain or is that chlamydia?) and scurries away. she is on the phone for a while and then hands the phone to me. "IT IS HEAD OFFICE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT YOUR VAGINA THRUSH" she says. anyone english speaking in the shop is aware of the story. i fancy that those who don't have Christmas shopping to complete are hanging around, wondering if i will lay hands on the coveted packet…forget inscense and myrr…will tess get the canesten?
"hello" says tess who has no pride but does have thrush.
"yes! this is head office. you have…" (her voice drops) thrush?"
"i do. do you sell canesten here?"
"is there a pharmacy there?"
"you're head office? you don't KNOW?"
"ha, ha,,no, i don't."
"well, write it down" (can't you just see me descintegrating?) "there is no pharmacy here."
"well, then there is no canesten."
there's a bit more unattractive talk (no swear words), just me asking where the nearest pharmacy is and them saying central, is that too far and me saying and i believe this is a quote, "well it aint close, sister", and then me hanging up. but i did say thank you.
i then went to park n shop downstairs for some yogurt.
gah!
