today hong kong put editha to rest in a short, moving ceremony. katie and gus both spoke, as did editha's dear friends abi and rose, and her daughter lyn. (at left, editha holds carys in june 2005. we never had a feb 2005 birthday party for the triplets. instead we had a party close to the anniversary of the triplets coming home from the hospital. the party was held on our building's playground with close to 160 adults and kids attending. in the background we posted pictures from the nicu.)
although i am still dizzy when standing too much, with charming headache and throat accompianment, i was going. i was up anyway….charles left for japan and i needed to man the troops. thankfully, chad offered to look after all seven kids, which meant that andrea and i could go to the memorial. and be on time, i thought.
yes, well. as i was yelling at the kids to put on their shoes i reaised i was feeling a little dizzy. better sit down. i took the opportunity to review the items i had stacked by the front door, ready to head down to the playground:
scissors, tape, cups, plates. beer in fridge, ice, wine, juice, water
did i mention that i was in charge of food and beverage for the tea after the memorial? could you guess that jennifer, ruth, tara and susan did virtually everything? and that i seconded chad into ordering the pizzas for me?
the queer dizzy feeling eventually left and we made it to 1a where i dropped off the kids, had a quick chat with chad about the pizzas and then andrea, normally the most laid back person in the world about time said, "we should go" and hustled me out of there.
and then i realised, it was 1.55. we were going to be late for the memorial.
and we were.
katie had already finished speaking and gus was halfway through when we arrived. it was no consolation to learn they had started early and many others had missed some of the memorial as well. we did hear abi speak…and she was fantastic. no script, just a smile, and memories of a treasured friendship to be resumed.
it was a lovely memorial. toughest was hearing lyn speak. she talked of how her mother had left the philippines to be a domestic helper when she was 14. this is longer than many children in the philippines have their mothers for. she talked about the sacrifice, and what her mother's hard work had gotten the family, financially. what it had taught her, as a person, especially when she came to hong kong as a helper.
the audience was mainly filled with helpers, and although they had been listening to gus, they were hanging on to lyn's every word. and i realised it was because every single one of them was a child, and the great majority of them probably have children. and would hope that their sacrifice, service and love would be spoken of in this tender a voice, this tone of gratitude and thankfulness. and love.
from talking to helpers i know that as money makers (overseas foreign workers account for country’s financial backbone, with the earnings they send home — US$14.45 billion in 2007 — accounting for 10 percent of gross domestic product) when they get on the phone to talk to their much loved children, they are often greeted with "can you send" and "i need" instead of "i miss" and "i love". their children, left in care of relatives, can get a different definition of who their mother is, what she is going, and why. but i remember lita, saying to me when baby melissa was born, "i'm working so my daughter has a better life." the domestic helpers in hong kong aren't here for the job. they're here for the result of what their hard work will provide them. despite the pain it causes them. the pain of sacrifice.
today, lyn's words, editha's life – affirmed these helper's choices, their dreams and goals for their family. editha's death, while incredibly sad, gave the women who work for a family six days a week, a chance to hear the words they are yearning to hear from a daughter, or how they feel about their own mothers who also work abroad. "thank you. i love you. i will miss you."
