it all started again today. the routine.

schools, lunches, out the door with sebastian to drop him off at andrea's at 7.30am. jasper, sela and carys leaving at 8.10am. me sitting down with a cup of tea, planning the day.

this first day back was a bit different than normal days.

i went to Bible study and it ended at its usual time – 11.15am. we had a good time, recounting Christmas and family times.

as i walked home, it registered that i was feeling something. i pushed it aside.

i got home and started doing some work, sorting through cupboards. in case we need to move i don't want to have to de-clutter and pack at the same time. but it was sort of half hearted work. i found that i was anxious for human contact.

i went back to where the "feeling" was, (right around my ponytail if you are keeping track) and examined it.

folks, family and friends, i was feeling lonely for my kids. my house was too quiet, my life just a little too streamlined and dare i say it, boring. these past two weeks have been very fun with the kids, and today i miss them.

i had expected to feel nothing but relief that the kids were back in school (and lets be honest, i am pretty happy about it), but the shock that i missed their questions, pulling on my sweater, demands that i watch them tie their shoes in agonisingly slow motion, redo their bunches, wipe their bottoms, observe their masterpieces, etc etc etc, was a bit overwhelming.

it took a good brisk walk and a step up of the cleaning to perish the thought. and then it was time to pick up sebastian, and he ran to me and gave me a cuddle. he had gotten a star for excellent behaviour at school.