jasper and i had an interesting day today.
he burst in the front door after kindy, bearing a brightly coloured box. mummy! he cried racing to me and burying his head in my shoulder, i made you a prethent!
the prethent in question was a box with four strips of cellotape stripped across it.
jasper! i gasped, overwhelmed with my little boy, because besides flowers that he picks for me, this is the first present he has ever given me. and he was so happy, his eyes shining, mouth parted, shifting from foot to foot. i surveyed the box, counted the cellotape strips aloud and then asked diplomatically, jasper, tell me more about my gorgeous present, what is it?
a prethent! he screamed happily to me. a prethent for you and daddy!
i took the present and laid it on magnificent’s side of the bed and told jasper that it will be one of the first things daddy will see when he comes home from his "bithneth trip". his nibs was satisfied and talked to me about his present several times during lunch.
his good mood did not last until bedtime. after dinner, jasper brought his plate and placemat into the kitchen, and then asked if he could watch diego. i felt that right before dinner jasper had not treated gary (our new driver) very respectfully, so i explained that no, there would be no television, because of the disrespectful behaviour. jasper then looked at me, flung out his arm as if to hit me and said loudly, "naughty!"
yes, you were naughty, jasper, but i forgive you and i love you.
this infuriated my small charge even more. he whipped off his pajama bottoms and screamed again.
right, bedtime it is! i announced.
no! reacted my boy, who flung himself on the ground, cracked his head and started screaming and crying. the words mingled with screams and tears that i could decipher were "naughty, bad, television, no". i am sure there were more.
i put a nappy on jasper, assured him that i loved him but that his behaviour was not acceptable, and laid him in bed.
he started throwing toys (dylan 1, dylan 2, jessie the cowgirl, baby batman, his pillow) on to the floor while screaming naughty! i went out, brought in some water for jasper, which made him scream harder, and then left. i returned with his sisters 20 minutes later, and sang them songs. this made jasper (who had not stopped screaming) very upset, but i was not going to stop the routine because all his stars weren’t in alignment.
he screamed his way through two songs, and then i informed him that his tantrum was over, it was bedtime. i picked him up, and cuddled him, and he sobbed, but stopped screaming. he tried to choke some words out, and i had to get sela to interpret for me.
sela, is he saying he wants daddy?
no, he wants his blanket, mummy. and his toys.
all right, jasper, i am putting you back to bed. and here is a test. if i give you one toy, will you throw it out? (i handed him the least precious of his toys). all right, i will keep handing you toys, but if you throw one out, i will take them all away. well done, jasper, good choice.
my swollen faced lad was now clutching all his animals, baby batman closest to his heart, and i left the room, after assuring all three of my love.
only to return two minutes later because jj was crying again.
i didn’t even need sela to interpret although she was ready and willing to.
although jasper’s blanket was draped over his bed rail in its usual place, at night i give the kids the option for me to place the blanket over them, and i say, "oooh, lovely…." just as it touches them.
"i want lovely blanket!" sobbed jasper with the few vocal chords he had left.
"of course you do, kitten, and here it is." i said, and picked up his blanked and lifted it up…."ohhhh, lovely…."
and his eyes were already shut as the blanket touched his body, by the time i had tucked it around baby batman and placed dylan 2 near the side of the bed he was asleep.
i have my toughest battles with jasper.
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Oh, poor Jasper! Sounds like you handled things beautifully, but it must have been so exhausting for you both.
Two of our 7 year old triplet children will generally calm themselves down when they go to Time Out, play or read a book or 5, and return quite happily when they feel better. The other daughter is often very angry and indignant about the Time Out, and gets more upset, escalating her tantrum the longer she’s in there, and she tends to throw things too – ugh! She can’t seem to settle down until I go in a few minutes later to give her a hug and reassure her that she is still loved, in spite of the misbehaviour. (I tell her that from the beginning, but she doesn’t listen at first.) Then we can discuss consequences, and different choices she might make the next time.
It can be hard to have consistent rules and consequences for the children, when they each perceive things differently and respond differently. It sounds like you are doing very well. With our daughter, the “testing” behaviour and confrontational attitude seems to go in stages, lasting perhaps 3 months, then we get into a more even-tempered phase for a while. I hope Jasper is just in a stage, and will improve before long.
Forgot to say, our daughter is also very emotional when she is hungry, overtired, or getting sick. A few times after a huge tantrum day, she has come down with a fever or something the next day, and with hindsight I can understand why she was so hard to reason with.
Meltdowns remind me to keep a regular meal and bedtime schedule, as much as we can. Sometimes we are not consistent enough!
What was the present? It has made me so curious!
Was the box itself the present? Even throwing out baby batman, oh.
We have nights like that too and as important as it is to be consistant, it is heartbreaking at times.
I always want to go scoop the twins up and love on them till they fall asleep in my arms, but I know I can’t when they are having meltdowns.
ARGH! It’s tough being a mom sometimes!