we all know there are different stages of love. i am so glad it starts with the physical, that rush, enhancement, watching your arm hairs prickle upwards even when you start thinking about the object of your affection.

someone said to me the other day, "i’ve been married for 10 years, but i have been in love with tom cruise for 20, and he still gets my blood rushing."

the implication was that her husband doesn’t. of course he doesn’t, because you have gotten further than lust with him. you have learned that being with someone doesn’t mean being with the best parts of their personality. you’re getting everything.

love deepens, from the overwhelming enjoyment of how that person makes you think, feel, notice the beauty of the world around you, it’s like pleasantville…your black and white world suddenly moves into colour when you are in love. but in time, if you can handle the disappointment when the physical reactions ebb, you can experience your love deepen. the physical, those first memories of when you had to watch a movie clinging together, you need those…those are great memories to fall back on when things get tough. and they do.

a huge part of love is gratitude. for me, the rush of love i feel when charles gets up with a crying baby because i was too busy finishing off a diabolical sudoku late into the night and am nearly comatose when the aforementioned child starts whinging…that gratitude is so linked to love, and the world we have created. it goes straight to my heart. no there isn’t the physical reaction like lust provides, unless you count the huge breath of relief…but there is the suspicious dampness around my eyes.

a huge part of this maturer love we have found ourselves in is the recognition that we’re in this for the long run, divorce isn’t an option, so let’s get the issue over with now. i can still feel strong negative feelings for him…and i know magnificent has some magnificently accurate complaints against my behaviour, but there is the security of the love knowing that no matter how vile the argument, we won’t break up over it. there is the reluctant acceptance that a compromise is needed, but even better, there is the love that comes from knowing i am being myself, and he still loves me. later love sees you warts and all.

i love this love. and i believe it will only get better.

fast forward to wedding receptions. the bride and groom, smiling with excitement that the caterer didn’t duff up, that the dress looked great, the weather cooperated and all the compliments and attention and joy that the big day is finally here and going well.

you see another couple on the dance floor. this isn’t their wedding, and they move across the floor, maybe talking, maybe not. they move together in a pattern that only years together creates, they’re like a tapestry. they anticipate the steps, they have dealt with a misstep before and know how to smoothly get back on track. they know how their partner will dance, and where they will hold them. sometimes they stop, have a drink, but they’re still together. she bends down to fix her shoe, he holds her arm.

the floor is sometimes bumpy for magnificent and me, and we can get thrown off balance by four forces launching themselves at our legs, but we hang on, and the dance just keeps getting better and better.