sometimes you have to believe that there is no wrong choice, there is just a choice. parenting presents you with that scenario at least once a day.
magnificent and i are in the process of determining whether we want sebastian held back a year.
the pros for him going into primary one next year:
– anjali and adam will be in primary one and they are two of his three great friends
– his teachers think he is ready for primary one
the cons:
– his hearing has just gotten corrected. he has a lot of catching up to do. will he be at a disadvantage starting full day school without the basics? primary one has a lot of learning. is sebbie at the point where he can be learning there?
– do i want him in full day school at 4.5 years?
– he is small for his age
– studies show boys born in the latter half of the year tend to do poorly at school
lots of people i really respect say we should have him held back if we can swing it. an equal number of people i really respect say we are underestimating his abilities and we should just put him in primary one where he will do a better job than we expected.
there is no definite right answer on this one. instead of making me feel good, i feel gross because i would prefer if there were a right choice, and even better, if i was making it.
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13 Replies to “choices”
Hi Tess! I haven’t commented in ages but still very much enjoy following your family. As a teacher I wanted to say that there are so few negative effects on children held back at this stage. Very young children will make new friends and readjust quickly. The flip side is that there are so many possible setbacks for pushing children too soon and you may not see them until years later when making the adjustment is virtually impossible. If sebastian stays back he will still be intellectually challenged because you are good parents, you won’t just let him sit idle. And one final note, our children have 5 years to experience life as just a child, following their own paths of learning with no pressures from formal sources. I would have a hard time cutting that short.
I’m sorry for babbling and probably have no right to say anything but I feel pretty strongly about the subject. Good luck in your choice.
Elin
tough choice. one we will have to make soon (parent teacher conferences are on the 24th). and after all the work we did trying to get him into pre-k this year anyway.
i know i was concerned about sagan starting school full time this year. they have a half day option in pre-k and i was considering it. his teacher told me that the kids enjoy themselves and don’t want to leave and she hasn’t had any trouble with anyone adjusting to full day. sagan was no exception. i have trouble extracting him in the afternoon. i’d think that as long as seb is having fun, full day wouldn’t be an issue for him either.
academically, i don’t know what seb has learnd and what they teach in the next grade, but i’m sure it isn’t rocket science (well, mostly sure). he’s a smart kid. you know what he’s capable of and what he’s not.
and as someone born right after the cutoff date, i had a negative experience being staying in my assigned grade (the equivalent of being held back). it made me the slacker i am today :).
Tough choice esp in Hong Kong were the pressure to get your kids in school at age 0 is a reality!!!
The only thing I would say is keep in mind where and what Seb would be doing if you guys lived in Cananda??
Here in the US the first “year” of school Kindergarden doesn’t begin until the child is 5 years of age (minuim!!!) Many children are ready before that age, but it has been determined that 5 is the best age for that type of all day learning…
good luck..xo lyns
As a homeschooling mother, I personally don’t see the point in having them in school in the first place! LOL So you may not actually WANT my opinion or advice, but I will give it anyway and you can take from it what you will:)
As young as he is, AND being male and all the stats on that, I don’t see any reason for him to be gone from you even longer. I know you guys will make the right decision.
I put my second son in Kindergarten when he had just turned 5. He is a smart child, but it was still too early. And that was only 2.5 hours/day. It took me a few years to “de-school” or “un-school” him. Get all the…I don’t know how to explain it to anyone who really thinks that school is somewhere for people so young. But to get him happy and confident again. It certainly depends on the school and teachers. In my opinion, even if you have incredible teachers, there is no reason to rush children to “grow up”. Why can’t they just be kids?? We all learn by living. My 6 year old son is living proof. This child has been reading for close to three years and is constantly spouting off information about bugs, dinosaurs, anything that interests him. I have books/DVDs/activity books etc about his interests available and he stumbles upon them and learns while having fun. He doesn’t even know what he is learning. He has been multiplying, telling time, counting money etc since he was about 4. He just finds these things fascinating, asks questions or goes looking for answers on his own.
Here is an interesting article for you to read if you so desire:
http://www.besthomeschooling.org/articles/alfie_kohn.html
Or you can read anything by John Holt. He was a public school teacher who was unhappy with the schools. Even though schools are likely MUCH better there in Hong Kong than here, there is no need to rush kids to grow up, ya know???Even if I still lived in Canada, where schools are better, I would still Homeschool.
The laws here state that we have to test them annually. My first year homeschooling after pulling them out of public school (I had homeschooled my oldest for a few years prior to that and thought I would give PS a try), their test results were in the early 90’s. After two years, of just letting them learn at their own pace and not following any set curriculum, their results were 98%(the advanced oldest one) and 99%(my second one who struggled in K). This is proof that if they are interested in something, they will seek it out. Many subjects are all intertwined, there is no need to separate them as they do in schools.
Sorry to go on and on, just wanted to help in any way that I can.
Hope Sebastian is feeling better after the grommets. That is horrible that they did not let you be there when he woke up!! My 13 year old had surgery last month and they were sure that I was with him when he went under as well as when he came out of recovery.
Hope things are going well. Try not to worry about the flu thing, by the way. I know it is hard. Sorry you are so uset by it:(
Jackson was held back at exactly that point when he was headed into grade one, he’s a November baby and so were a bunch of his schoolmates. The only problem I’ve had with that choice is that he’s a bit of a headcase about it. This makes it the third thing out of his mouth. I.E. “Hi, I’m Jackson, I’m 13, I’m only in grade 7 because I failed kindergarden.”. It’s hard for him to understand that it was the best thing for him.
At my son’s kinder class, there were a couple of 4.5 year-olds. During the teacher-parent conference, the teacher mentioned to me that in the beginning of the school, those kids were not doing too well, they cried a lot, behind on school stuff. So I think it’s a good idea to have him held back a year.
my husband was small for his age as well, and was put in kindergarten at 4 1/2. most kids in his class were five. he said that he had a hard time, socially, when he got older, because he was so much smaller than his class. he also had a harder time academically, because he was younger than his class. he wishes he would have been held back. no one experience speaks for all, though, but thought i would share anyway.
Hey Tess,
I can understand your dilemma. We kept both of our boys back a year, and we are glad we did.
One of our sons was moved up eventually anyway, and now they are both in the same grade and doing well.
I agree wholeheartedly in holding them back…once they are gone…life changes. Treasure them at home while you can.
Hugs,
Karen
My sister (now 23 years old) was held back in kindergarten…she had started kindergarten a bit young (about 4.5 years old) and it was a fine choice…she graduated with honors in theology and wrote a 123-page theological thesis (getting the only A in her department and the award in her subject) and is probably heading to graduate school in a couple of years, so she did just fine! It’s a tough choice, I know, but just try to make the best decision you can and don’t worry about looking back on it later. Good luck, I know you’re doing a great job with all four children.
I think that if he is not emotionally ready then it might be better to stay back a year.
I started early and have always been the runt. I will have the same issues with Miss A. too.
Hi Tess,
That’s a tough one. Especially when I think of Adam, Seb and Hubie all being so a-like – yet Hubie will be the year behind just because of his birth date. Ultimately it’s up to what you think Seb would enjoy and cope with best.
As the schools are so big now chances are he wouldn’t be in the same classroom as Adam or any of his current friends in Grade 1 anyway – so would it really matter if he were the year behind.
I know you and Charles will only do what you think Seb is up for …. I just wish we were still there so Seb could possibly be in Hubie’s year!
Good luck,
Lucy
Hi,
My kiddie is not quite 3 and I’ve already decided to hold her back. Her language skills are very good, but she’s just been put into a 3-year-old childcare 1.5 months early because of an easy transition at a quiet time (holiday time in a university childcare). What a mistake.
She coped. But at a huge cost. Little kiddies should not make that much effort. So she’ll go to school late rather than early and enjoy an easy ride (she is born pretty much right on the qualification date).
That’s as a mum.
As a neuropsychologist:
Children with frequent ear infections often have low short-term auditory memory. It seems that hearing problems affect its development. Low short-term memory usually impacts on reading, as well as mental arithmetics and understanding classroom instructions. The only way to increase your short-term auditory memory capacity is to grow older(if there are other methods, I haven’t heard of them).
I’ve seen many children (usually boys) with difficulties in reading, arithmetics, and understanding classroom instructions and a history of ear infections. My advice is to let him start later and get his short-term memory and language skills built up because early failures will likely colour his view of school.
Not that I have any business saying anything, but here’s a view I haven’t seen (kinda…Izabela touched on it). What is the school’s environment? If it’s harsh & pressure-filled, then jumping in right away is not the best idea. If the grade (and teacher) are relaxed, easy going and encouraging, then why not? I guess the thing is if the environment will be a match for Seb. Hard to tell, but worth considering.
I liked what Elin said about only having 5 yrs as a child unfettered by school. If he (and you & MC) is/are getting a lot out of that, then why squash a good thing? He may be more prepared to deal with life in general, and be more rounded. There is always the possibility he can skip a grade farther down the line. Rather that than have to repeat a grade or struggle through every single grade.