for the past 48 hours i have not been a fun gal to be around. more like a fun-gal infection.
reason for my unsettled/snarky way?
i am tired of you smug people.
not the people reading this post, IF anyone here is against us donating embryos, you have respected our decision and said nothing. you folk are angels, and might want to consider making extra money by holding sensitivity classes for the following people.
SMUG people who have been blessed with children as a result of embryo adoption, but want you to know they felt obligated to "rescue" the frozen babies.
ah yes, frozen embryos are apparently a "problem".
and here was i so stupidly thinking they could be a SOLUTION for some couple battling infertility.
no, apparently that is giving myself too much credit and not atoning enough for freezing embryos, which reduces their chance at life. and by not transferring them into my womb, i am, yes that’s correct, abandoning them.
i have several things to say to you ever so caring people. i will limit my comments to a few and not have any swear words.
1) i’ve done the guilt, thank you. God is the only person i need to answer to, and He certainly showed more compassion that you have.
2) maybe you don’t see creating a child and putting it into a family to be loved as a wonderful thing, but i do. although, NOT your family, thanks.
3) i thought we were all working toward the same goal, to find these embryos a good and loving home. apparently i missed the middle step: to make the genetic parents feel even worse and to promote yourselves as the samaritans coming to solve the problem i, in my careless folly, created. (insert your own diatribe, i stopped listening a while ago.)
4) keep up with this attitude and there will be no more "problem" of frozen emrbyos looking for homes. if couples learn they will be treated with such condemnation for an action they cannot change, they will be donating those embryos to science faster than you can say hypocrite.
Reader interactions
29 Replies to “bring it on”
I’m sorry Tess – that’s frustrating isn’t it? I’ll make sure and put on my “SMUG people suck” bumpersticker today.
Tess,
Your comments are SO true, esp #4. It’s so hard to get embryos if you want them b/c there are few “banks” or agencies out there. Some of the agencies are full of the SMUGS you metioned and won’t give them to anyone other than fellow SMUGS! Argh!
Julia, Looking for embies
Tess, I am so sorry that there are people in this world who have no idea of what you have truly gone through in regards to your decision. I am sure that you and MC have struggled with this, that you have prayed for guidance. This isn’t something that you have decided, on a whim, to do, you know exactly what it means. Your embryos don’t need to be “rescued”. They are loved, will always be loved, by both you and MC, and the family that will become their parents. You had one of the toughest decisons to make, you have done it with dignity, opening your inner self in this blog, even if the SMUGS can’t see it. In the end, it is your decision, and those that love you will support it.
Whoooooah ,, I have missed something here.
I thought that most people with a sane mind would be in support of this more than generous act? Maybe I have once again over estimated the human race? If I knew more of what was said to you, I would be able to provide a whole page of feedback directed to them ( along with some great comebacks).
Tess, what you and MC are doing/thinking of doing is one of the most selfless acts parents/ individuals can do. Please DO NOT let a few “ignoramouses” affect you so deeply.
You and MC are so brave, generous, loving , and caring for many reasons. Here are 2 ( I can provide many many more).
1) you are not ending the life cycle of these embryos and for that I thank-you.
2) you are giving the chance to people who are unable to have their own biological children the chance to experience a pregnancy, birth ( not that its all that fun), and parenting. This is a HUGE gift.
I would love to hear the reasoning that these individuals have for making the comments that they do. I suppose giving a child up for adoption is also wrong then? I only have 3 small words for these people… and those I will keep to myself for now..
A sad Auntie Pammie
BTW, I have my own definition for what SMUG stands for,, call me tonight and I will gladly share.
Tess,
I’m so sorry that there are people out there who insist on hurting others in their attempt to be self-righteous.
What you are doing with your frozen embryos is extremely giving and loving and must have taken an enormous amount of thought and reflection to decide upon.
In the words of my university prof. “just keep on keeping on” and screw the smug people (the last bit was mine)
I think the most important thing here is that you’re doing what YOU want and what YOU believe is the best thing for you and the embryos.
Even though I support the research being done, I would never want parents who created the embryos to not have the chance to decide what they want to do with them and I think it’s crappy that people are giving you any grief at all…
What can I say, people suck. I’m sorry. Just let it all roll off.
OFF WITH THEIRS HEADS!!!
I’m so glad YOU are the better person, Tess.
And yes….SCREW THEM.
So sorry to hear you are getting grief from doing what so many others should do. I was so happy to hear that you and MC are doing this. My DH and I looked in to Embryo adoption and it was so expensive. (we have since adopted our son who is 6 months TODAY!!!) I couldn’t believe it when i said don’t people donate them and they a/b hung up the phone on me. Blessings to you and MC. I’ve been following your blog since the Trips were born and i also posted on the Hen House a couple times. You seem very down to earth and a sensible person. Gods blessing on you and your family. Please don’t change a thing in the way you write. I read some blogs where the language is just terrible. I like yours and MC!!!
Blessings
Rae (mochadee)
Tess, you and Charles are doing what you feel is right. Everyone else doesn’t get to make comment. Just follow your heart and the whispers of God as you know him and know you doing the best you can do. I enjoy reading about you and Charles. You give me hope for a better world.
Tess
Such a great post – now if only the smug samaritans read it and take note. All of your points are great but point 4 is a clincher.
Going through traditional adoption here we are constantly reminded that we are the ones benefiting – our child’s benefits are secondary to our own – don’t go into this thinking you are “saving a child” there are more families wanting children than the other way around (why would there be illegal traffic in babies otherwise?) Now if only these embryo placement/adoption/donation organisations would preach a similar message and screen out those smug samaritans.
Imagine the sense of gratitude a child may feel they are supposed to have to their adoptive parents from “rescueing” them from their “frozen orphanage” – who would put that sort of misplaced burden on a child? Particularly when this child is in fact rescueing the coupe from their childless state.
I’m glad you wrote this post
Love Rae
A lot more than embryos get frozen in Yellowknife.We seem to do ok.
Love, Dad
I wanted to comment to simply show my supprot and love to you guys… You know how I feel about all of it..( at least I hope you do..) if not, its utter love, support and prayer. I had a really good friend once tell me this… 1. all problems are complex and 2. There are jerks everywhere.
Not sure why these people feel it needed to comment or give you a hard time for doing something like this… its a beautiful thing and a wonderful thing…and i speak from the side of not struggling with infertility… but if I did I would seek out YOUR babies… 1. I’ve seen you and know you are good looking (that was a joke..you are good looking, but ok never mind..) 2. Even if I had never seen you I wouldn’t get so wrapped up in the who is who stuff, but look at the sacrifice you have made… yes you have four kids, but you fought hard for them and to give up 6 others that are by all rights yours is an amazing and speical gift to whoever gets them….
More importantly, im sorry… you don’t need this or deserve it… I love what you dad said… sorry that I never got to meet him!!!
So, if you are there tonight plan on a HUGE hug from me… I love you and I am IRATE with you!!! xo
Sorry you have been attacked by the self righteous. Those people really need to get a life. All of them.
I am mad that someone would say anything negative to you about what you are doing. So those people can kiss my A–!!! Love you Tess, you are doing a wonderful thing!
i can’t even imagine what came about to facilitate such a post.
people actually feel like they are rescuing these embryos?
can we say ‘self absorbed’?
And someone had the NERVE to say you’re not edgy?!
I like you when you’re sharp.
I am completely bewildered that you are even getting some of those viewpoints. I think giving your embryos to a family, who so very much want to have children, is the ultimate gift. I don’t get the opposition frankly.
WHAT?? surely you jest? i can’t acutally believe this. sometimes i just get so damn disappointed in the human race.
tell them all to eff off. stupid (&(^(& **^(&^(&)( and a whole lot more words that i can’t say around here, but i really really want to.
It seems that some people can only feel really good about themselves by pointing out what they perceive as the faults of others. I am sorry you are having to deal with these people. Keep your chin up.
fucktards. you struggle. your dreams are dashed. you get your miracle, and more. then some holier-than-thou idiot has the nerve to bash you for helping someone else benefit from your good luck? care to send me a phone number :)?
rather than making selfless people feel small, they should feel small for focusing their efforts in the wrong place (as this type is wont to do). the “smug” people never seem to want to work towards something that might help what they perceive as a problem, they only seem to want to bash those that choose differently than they would.
i’m sure the future parents you choose will be very glad that you think differently from those people! focus on them, and try to ignore the idiots.
I have just recently heard about this here in the US. These “christian” families are “having to rescue” embryos and give them life so they aren’t destroyed.
HELLO??????????????
If it’s not THEIR embryo this it’s NOT THEIR BUSINESS. If someone wants to donate their embryos to a loving family in need, it’s their business. Just like if a family decides to destroy their left over embryos that’s their business too.
Do these idiots think that all of us infertile people creating the embryos haven’t already at least thought that someday we may have a tough decision to make concerning OUR embryos?
I am so sorry that you are having to deal with these stupid (*)&%^$ people. I hope they leave you alone and that you are able to make the decision that you and MC want to make – without THEIR $)*^%^*& input.
Wow, I had to comment on this. I’m so sorry that people would make you feel this way. After all that you’ve gone through personally and you just want to help make someone else’s dream come true and because someone loves Jesus (I’m a Christian BTW) declares their goals better than yours? I can’t stand high and mighty people. Your motives are pure and you should be able to sleep at night.
I can’t believe that some people are so so self righteous. Here you are making the best decision for the embryos – and you get this crap thrown at you. You are right – you only need to answer to God.
Love Trinie
I’m so sorry you are getting grief over this. I think embryo adoption is a wonderful thing to do. I admire you even more knowing you are donating them to a couple who I’m sure desperately wants them. I know its probably not the easiest thing to do.
Tess, I am so sorry that silly rude people have made hurtful comments to you about your and MC’s decision. Your decision, and your motives, are admirable, and all your points above are quite correct. You know you have not made this decision lightly, and that you are doing the right thing for your family and for somebody else’s. Don’t let the smug and ignorant critics get you down.
I will pray for you, and all your family, and for the family you are choosing to receive your blessings.
And BTW the quad trike on Charles’ blog is super-cool! Sebastian is going to be very fit indeed, if he gives his sibs as many rides as they will be asking for!
Best wishes,
from SheilaC, a triplet mom in Canada.
Tess – I am sorry people are giving you grief about this, you and MC are doing a wonderful thing and will be helping to make a very deserving couple’s dreams come true.
I admire that so much and am actually interested to hear about your process, as we will have to consider this in a few months or so also. Please don’t let them get to you – your decision is one based on love and unselfishness.
XOXO
Fuckers.
Sorry, but really, I couldn’t think of another word. “Wankers” doesn’t quite cut it.
Unbelievable.
you and MC are going to graciously donate your embryos. To help an infertile couple have the chance to be parents.
Those SMUG assholes can just stick it up their ass. They are not the ones doing the rescuing…….it is YOU and MC who are doing the rescuing.