from the adoption files…
day five….my thoughts….
we are getting down to the nitty gritty. i am facing some tough questions.
how will i answer the question: why did you keep the others and you didn’t keep me?
will i really think i have done the right thing when i see that first baby picture?
we are still getting the occasional stray unsolicited request for embryos, but basically have told the lovely lady at the agency that she does not need to forward us any more applications. the early bird got the worm and all that sort of stuff.
there is a plan, and we just need to trust. doesn’t mean it is easy.
the other day i asked magnificent, "do you want any more children?"
he looked at me and said, "do you?"
and i said "hmmmm".
i would love a pregnancy. but only if it was like when i was carrying sebastian, feeling wonderful, staying active, brilliant short labour that i felt was not long enough. giving birth again, that final push, that squalling indignant cry. yes, i would want a pregnancy, but not for the right reason. i would want it not for the baby, but so i could look back on pregnancy and childbirth with teary smily memories.
but more children? i love my children, that isn’t the issue, is it. i don’t know if my health can take it. even a singleton. is it fair to risk my health and the mediocre mother i can be to these children for the sake of other children?
i’ll change the topic….babies are back on mylanta to help prevent the vomit. carys has both upper teeth coming in and can now growl out, bah bah while waving. magnificent is going to california for eight days on sunday.
wish me luck.
Reader interactions
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Hey sweetie-glad the mylanta is helping. You know, i forgot to mention, when Alexi teethes she pukes a lot. If yours always puke, maybe its even more so when teething? Just a thought.
Good luck with your decisions to make regarding the embryos.
As for your health and having another…if you love children, and you’d love to have more, go for it. I’m not sure what all health issues you may have and if you could endure another pregnancy, but if the docs say OK-then go for it!
I really want a 2nd child. Knowing the hell I went through with my pregnancy, I wonder if it’s the right thing to do. The docs say it’s OK… I have put the plans on hold for awhile. Need to get other things under control.
Good luck with all of your decisions, my friend.
8 Days in sunny California. 🙂 Where in CA is he going to?
Hello, friend. when you have a difficult, multiple pregnancy, I think it is very normal to wish for one more pregnancy to fill in the gaps of what we think we missed. However, having an “oops” blessing the year after the twins were born did not fill in the gaps. Because if you do have another, you will still have your four to care for. I loved having Andrew and being pregnant with him, but it was exhausting with a 4 yr old and year old twins crawling around the place. The whole experience is a blur. Strangely enough, Jeff and I have being having some of the same conversations since we have one frozen embryo left from our twin cycle. That’s right – one little lone embryo. I feel responsible for it, and probably will go back and get it. But for now, four under the age of six and one having special needs is enough for me right now. I am rambling and trying to think through my own issues, but wanted you to know that you are not alone in your thoughts, and I pray that God directs our paths.
Sorry about MC going to CA. Will you be apart the whole time you are in Canada?
hugs,
Molly
Oh sweetie, GOOD LUCK! On all counts.
Tess, you have my support no matter what you do . I do understand the dilema you are feeling re: giving up these embryos, so I do know how the heart strings can be tugged at a time like this….
As you yourself mentioned, your health would not be in favour of another pregnancy, so why take that chance? Don’t get me wrong, as i stated earlier I support you and love you no matter what you decide. I trust you will really consider your health in the long run :-).
You are blessed to have MC ( and his extended family loves him too ) , and you have 4 beautiful kids. Enjoy and embrace!!
Getting excited to see you all soon!
Auntie Pammie
glad the mylanta is helping