Author: charlestess

80’s music killed the supermummy

super mum did a super silly thing friday night, she went out with girlfriends to eat and listen to music in legendary lan kwai fung.

sensibly, i returned home at a decent hour, but oh my goodness, what a time!!!

we had tapas first (delish) and i am happy to say my only faux pas came when i ordered chorizo and then remembered that my girlfriend ursula is a vegetarian. dinner was a lot of fun, and i learned some stuff about australia that was of real interest to me and aussies living overseas.

then it was time to trip down to lan kwai fong. i made a bit of a muck of things here, i was texting andrea wildly, trying to find out where she was (knowing that she is somewhere in lkf is not enough, the streets are jammed with people by 9pm) and i was weaving around and tripping in a way that suggested i was off my tree already.

found andrea, excellent. sat with other friends, andrea and her friend jackie joined us, and then they headed down to stormies. after a bit, we joined them. stormies is a lot of fun because it has a great view and divine music (you KNOW that means it is from the 1980's), and so we parked ourselves there and andrea and i tuned up and began howling along to such classics as '"video killed the radio star" and "take on me". we were brilliant and our dancing, well, my jlo now has entirely new meaning, it reflects my excellently choreographed moves on a crowded wooden floor with people around me trying to take over our standing space.

i was kind of self conscious though. you're interested in looking at all the people, bless their hearts, you should have seen the little tourists with their backpacks, socks and sandals, and rolled up waterproof pants, but if you make eye contact with a fellow, is he going to think you're interested? the first time i made the eye contact i tried to pull my hand through my hair and then realised midway, "oh crap i've got hairspray in".so i did the next best thing, rubbing the corner of my eye with my hand. great, so now it looks like i have conjuctivitis.

but suddenly, i stop looking at the crowds and notice that a fellow has approached our andrea. he is singing along with her, face to face. she twists her body and starts singing with another girl. undaunted, this young buck tries again and andrea just takes a drink of her coke light (she is a tough customer).

the song changes, and fellow takes the opportunity to ask gesture to andrea, "is that table yours?" and she says, "no, help yourself!" he starts to pull a chair out for her and half beckons for her to join him, but in the ultimate im not even considering this a pickup, she continues singing, turning away from him.

poor kid. i almost felt sorry for him, almost. but i was more impressed with andrea, who swears she didn't think the fellow was hitting on her. she's a good looking girl, our andrea, and plus, when she goes out, she has fun, which attracts everyone to her.

and made tess stay longer than she should.

it was a LOT of fun and i am going to build up my resistance so i can do more girls nights out. ursula suggested a nana nap, which made me think "peter pan??" but that wasn't exactly what she meant. "i mean granny, darling" she texted me furiously the next day.

so much fun. and as andrea and i sat on the sofa the next day while suggesting to the kids that they play quietly, we agreed it had been worth it.

what makes a supermum??

this morning i was interviewed for a local magazine that is running an article on "supermums" in its next issue. i am one of the three mums they are profiling as "supermum".

people often assume that quantity equals excellence when it comes to children. and while my kids are gorgeous little specimens, albeit of the non vegetable eating kind, when i am referred to as a supermum, i feel like i am a fraud.

i don't think i am a supermum, because i know so many mothers out there who i feel are better mothers than i am. they have not forgotten one of their children in the car and walked away 20 paces before being reminded by one of their other children that someone is missing.

they have not said, and i quote "oh just go away!" when one of the angels is being tiresome.

i am not a supermum. i am a normal mum trying to do a great job, but aren't we all? i have a larger than normal number of children, but that does not make me a supermum. it made me active ovary infertile girl, but not supermum.

amazingly, wonderfully, powerfully, my kids, at this impressionable age think i am the best. i don't know how or why, but my gratitude for their forgiveness, compassion and love abounds. my mistakes are massive, my errors in judgement huge, but they still think i am ideal.

grownups cant do it for me, my kids are the only ones who can make me feel like supermum.

hike with the boys

….monday was a holiday and after sunday's rains, janne and i decided that our pre-arranged playdate with victor and sebastian should be as outdoors as the boys would let us make it. 

we set off for a small hike, with plenty of snacks tucked into our bags. the boys were intially all for staying inside and playing, but as soon as they were together, they were game for a hike. up we climbed, and then we rested on a flat area, while they boys went "to find God", a game that took half an hour and quickly changed to "finding death". then they needed snack. janne produced iced tea and jellies, and the boys were thrilled. sebastian said to me, "why hasn't Jesus given us any blessings today?" i thought about this and said, "sebastian, are you with friends?" "yes" he replied.

"is the sun shining even though it was supposed to rain?" and again the answer was yes. 

"well,i call those blessings! don't you?" and he agreed. 

perspective, it is an important thing.

soon, the boys decided it was time for our death hike to continue.

janne and i let the boys wander off on their own, she is v cool and lets victor explore his own world and come back with his questions and observations. i like that she doesn't hover, plus it gives us more time to chat. it is good making new friends, especially ones i like a lot.

we kept walking and only slowed the boys down to point out a worm that was trying to dig its way into the ground (actually quite interesting) and a dead worm being carried by ants. (this was automatically more interesting, because the worm was dead.) but wow, you should have seen how quickly those ants carried the worm. they really hustled with it!

the boys began declaring that they were "STAR-ving" so snacks number two and three were pulled out. they were really doing a good job and were disappointed that our original destination, the peak, we were unable to get to, because of landslips.

by this point we had been walking for 90 minutes, and the boys were being so wonderful!

veering off to head toward the path behind the hospital, the boys stopped to do wees, but after looking at the "toi toi" (no kidding, that's the name) porta-loo, they decided to water the trees instead. boys have it SO EASY.

and the adventure continued.

we stopped for a bit at the plantation site, where some locals have a herb garden, and out of NO WHERE, a little chinese man popped out with a tea trolley and smiled at janne and i.

"cha?" he offered, gesturing to the tea.

he was offering us tea! how cute was that! where did the hot water come from? or would it be cold? i was in love with him! we nodded politely, and he dumped some leaves into two cups and poured in steaming water, added i'm guessing room temp water, and plonked the cha down on the nearby pic nic table. the boys were entertaining themselves on a set of parallel bars, and the man came over with a government pamphlet that described the hiking path we were on. he pointed his finger to a picture of himself, and then made us stand up and walk over with him to a little pagoda thing. it had great significance apparently, judging from how quickly he spoke, and although janne and i couldn't understand a thing he was saying, we pointed to the pamphlet and went "oohh," in a universal symbol of understanding what he was saying.

the boys were still content, and the man poured us another cup of tea. it actually wasn't bad, but it was seriously filling. when he headed off to tend to more trees or the next round of visitors, janne and i dumped the remainders of the tea in the bushes, placed the cups on the table, and called to the boys.

all good things must come to an end, and as we reached the path behind the hospital, sebastian got very upset because the remainding treat was not one he liked, and we weren't going to victor's house IMMEDIATELY. oh the tears, and sorrow. he even threw down his drink.

as a parent, it is really tough to know how to handle some situations.  actually make that many situations. sebastian had turned on a dime. would a nap be best? should i rough this out? rough him up?

we made it back to our place, and 5 minutes before we arrived, sebastian had stopped crying and was acting almost normally again. please come up i said to janne and victor. 

the boys had pizza for lunch and then victor asked, "is sebastian coming over?"

well? was he??

wow, what a tough call. he had been naughty, but he had been looking forward to going to victors for DAYS.

so i said YES.

we went, and janne and i decided that three hours in the outdoors was enough for anyone, and we let the boys watch star wars three. she gives sebastian such grace. the boys watched, and then played in victor's room.

at the end of the stay, i gave victor and his little sister amalia a cuddle. i asked sebastian if he wanted to give janne a cuddle and he said no.

sebastian is scared of lifts, ever since getting caught in one, and so we took the stairs down to the main floor. as we took the stairs he said to me, "i like victor's mum. i like amalia (who also tried to hug him), i just don't like people hugging me."

it seems strange to me, but apparently it is completely normal.

so that was the end of our long march. don't the boys look like they are having fun planning and plotting and being creative? we only heard snips of the conversation, but i think they did!

girls

the other week i saw MAMMA MIA with magnificent charles. and i admit, at one point there were tears rolling down my face. and no, it wasn't during a pierce brosnan solo, rather when meryl streep sang of her daughter's growing up.

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what's in her mind
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time

Sleep in our eyes, her and me at the breakfast table
Barely awake, I let precious time go by
Then when she's gone there's that odd melancholy feeling
And a sense of guilt I can't deny
What happened to the wonderful adventures
The places I had planned for us to go
(Slipping through my fingers all the time)
Well, some of that we did but most we didn't
And why I just don't know

of course i thought of my two little girls. daughters. what a complex, rich rewarding relationship.

daughters.

they boost you every day. your clothes choices are impeccable, they love your shoes, dresses and eyemakep. there is no debate if the MAC twig suits you better than cosmo…you wear it, they want it. if you wear "spray" in your hair, they want to also. they affirm your choices.

daughters have such an eagerness to learn. sela demands to read. i want the world filled with people like her (although maybe not as pushy). carys wants to watch the food cooking.

daughters are so generous with their world, at least at this stage of the game. all i really know is that each day sebastian and jasper eat snack. with carys and sela, i know who was there, and who wasn't, i know who the day's teachers were, i know who the special helpers were, how they felt about that, if there was any silliness. i see the world unfolding, i see them grasping concepts that one year ago they did not understand.

daughters make us question what we're doing as women. i am more concerned about my stay at home status now that i have daughters. i am worried i am setting a bad example. i had all that expensive education, threw it away, no ambition, just a breeder….is that how they will see me? what about their own ambition?

daughters make it clear that one day they want to be you. how amazing that they think of me as something to aspire to, how ironic that i want more for them.

girls draw princesses with hair to the ground, fancy dresses for every occasion and fantasy parties. sparkles, colours, glitz (although sela's fave colour is beige)…it attracts them, like raccoons.

my girls are very demonstrative, and very different to each other. i feel i'm not making a good case as to why girls are divine (and i know mum wants me to!) but they are. the chatter, the desire, the mothering they have for younger children, the intellect brimming out of them. girls are an absolute honour to parent. and a delight. and a challenge. they have set personalities, but so many nuances. autumn leaves in a wind. and girls i find, grow up a bit faster. which is so bittersweet.

Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile
I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness
And I have to sit down for a while

Slipping through my fingers all the time.

little boys are such lovahs

after school, sebastian has a female friend that he plays kissy girl with. she is a very sweet, very outgoing little girl and interestingly, she holds no "charm" for sebastian at all, even though she really reminds me of annie, sebastian's australian lass.

i will be chatting to a few of the mums and then sebastian will appear, dump his knapsack at my feet, with missy at his side. then they will dash off, she in pursuit, he running not his fastest – both shrieking and darting through other groups. inevitably, she catches him and then they wrestle as she tries to get her smooch in.

if missy does not, after 30 seconds or so, she gives up and walks away in disgust. today, as i saw this unfold infront of me, as missy walked away, i pushed sebastian and said, "you're supposed to go after her!" (no one gave him the manual or else he hasn't read it). and by the time missy looked back, he was chasing her. love in the afternoon.

it should be noted, that in the classroom, missy doesn't give sebastian any particular attention. i don't think she is being coy, or "i'm ignoring him because i like him", it's more she kisses him because he's there on the playground. if more kids from the class were there, she would kiss them as well.

i do like seeing sebastian racing around laughing, though. does both of our hearts good.

last night, i went into everyone's bedroom for the final tour just before turning in. all were asleep. sela somewhat disturbed because for the second night sponge bob is nowhere to be found (!!! I DON"T KNOW WHERE HE IS??), carys looking much longer than she should, and jasper, his little bottom hanging over the bed. i took two steps up the bunkbed and saw sebastian, sleeping as he typically does, hands over his head. special blanket was no where near him, so i pulled special blanket out from underneath his garage sale yoda pillow and placed it around his neck. "i love you sebastian," i whispered. and i was ever so surprised when he mumbled back, "i love you too mummy," and tightened his grip on special blanket.

this morning jasper greeted me as i walked in from my run. "mummy!" he said and ran down the hallway into my arms. i don't know what i do to deserve this rapture. "i love that you were running, mummy." "how does it make you feel jasper?" i asked. "very proud, mummy, so proud of you!" he said, covering my face in kisses.

little boys also love themselves. jasper and sebastian can spend hours infront of the mirror looking at themselves…and clap their hands with the best of them when presented with new clothes they find particularly pleasing. jasper has just started wearing product in his hair, and likes the results. sebastian has a new tie, and is so pleased it isn't "one that has elastic at the back. those aren't real ties, mummy. this is a real tie." thank you, mr klein!

i have a friend who is just beginning the ivf process, her transfer is in a couple of weeks. although she has made it VERY clear she would be happy with any healthy live baby, her secret wish is twin girls. and she has very lovely reasons why. goodness knows, girls are lovely, i am very fond of them myself, but oh, boys are little lovers.

boobs on the bed or bra in the box?

are you a boobs on the bed or bra in the box woman?

allow me to explain further.

at the end of the day, when you shrug off your clothes just prior to

a) shower

b) passion

c) pajamas

and you casually toss your bra off your lovely person, when it lands, does it still appear like there are boobs in it? if you are a victoria secret or la senza aficianado, chances are highly rated, YES. you know these bras…when packing a suitcase, you can store pantyhose, medication, knickers and all sorts of items in the "cup" area because it is so padded. BOOBS ON THE BED BRA.

BOOBS ON THE BED bras are sold on hangers.

however,

BRAS IN A BOX are sold, surprise, in boxes.

BRAS in a BOX tend to have collapsable cups, shall we say. the cup is made of fabric, no foam. (then again, i suppose the same could be said of my b00bs!) when you casually toss the bra in a box off your person, the cup fabric could easily fold over itself or crumple, where as BOOBS ON THE BED remain mountainous and firm. it's the foam.

this summer, charmaine and i went bra shopping. oy, that was an experience. first we went to victoria's secret for me, because i am a hybrid BOOBS/BRA girl,and i needed to get my latest VS love bra, the IPEX full coverage bra. underwire, just enough foam to protect me, and a great fabric. highly recommended.

and then, it was to macy's for charmaine, who is of the bra in the box variety of girl. now may i say, she looked around VS for quite some time, and tried a few bras on, but was unimpressed with all the foam.

"i have all i need" she grumbled. "they're charging me $70 for bigger boobs when i don't want them?" she is quite ungrateful with her booby bounty, obviously.

we walked around to a few more places, among them lasenza, until she said, "tess, i want a place where i can pull out shelves and look for sizes."

"charmaine," i said, "you want bra in a box."

so we went to macy's. or sears. or somewhere. (we did a lot of shopping). and once there, charmaine began grumbling about having to push through the stands and stands of boobs on the beds on their hangers in order to get to the bras in the boxes in their "chests" of drawers. "Where else should bras be but in chests?"

(LOVE THAT GIRL).

charmaine bought several bras in boxes and i bought two, one warners and one wonderbra. and later on, in walmart a few days later i bought a sports bra (nike) from the bra in the box variety.

it seemed to us, that we were the youngest people in the bra in the box department. why? marketing or actual preference?

at the end of the day, is your bra boobs on the bed or a bra in the box? and why???

different ways to give

last week, as US congress discussed whether to push through the $700-billion bailout, singer and humanitarian Bono questioned why the wealthy countries that form the G8 were unable/unwilling to come up with enough aid for the world's problems.

“It is extraordinary to me that you can find $700 billion to save Wall Street and the entire G8 can’t find $25 billion to save 25,000 children who die every day of preventable treatable disease and hunger,” the U2 lead singer told Clinton’s fourth annual philanthropic summit in New York. “That’s mad, that is mad.”

well, thanks for that Bono. i did a little checking around, and i can't find out how much Bono, who is worth approximately 200,000,000, gave to charity last year. i know he lends his name to a lot of charity giving events and therefore helps raise awareness and LOT of money, but how much does he actually personally pony up?

one fellow who did make lemonade out of lemons, and give profits from his spaghetti sauce and salad dressings was paul newman, who died last friday.

he donated the entire profits of the "newman's own" brand to charity, a sum that is somewhere around $250 million.

that's what i call philanthropy.

i like "brand bono",who has previously been nominated for a nobel peace prize and i know he donated 80,000 at one time and i respect him a great deal for the permanent change for good he is bringing to the need in africa, but at a time when so many people are scrambling to save their homes and quality of lives, a repudiation isn't what they need on top of their fear.

meanwhile, newman's "hole in the wall" camps are a place where kids with cancer can "raise hell" to quote newman himself, and just be kids, unselfconscious and free of fear.

paul newman, one of the greats. lives on not just through family and movies, but through the quality of life he so drastically improved for so many.

ages and stages

i was talking to my mum on the phone the other day and was mentioning the trip magnificent and i are planning for my 40th. the options are endless. knowing that both mum and i have bad memories, i was happy to say, "i can remember when you were 40!" and she laughed and said, "so can i!"

i then said, "what were you doing when you were 40?" i remember the cancer but there must have been more.

she said, "i was busy with my fourth baby."

i remembered back to mandy's childhood then. my mum, at 40, was pretty much the "oldest mum" on the playground pickup duty. i remember she used to feel it.

23 years later, i wish she were 40 again, raising an infant. so many of my friends (and i won't name names!) are 40, and having their second, or even first children. yes, some of these friends have been trying for years to have children and are only succeeding now, but other friends married late and therefore started their families later than is traditionally expected.

i broke traditional expectations today. sebastian had a fantastic week at school, and as a reward, magnificent and i gave him a bionicle. he was thrilled, immediately ripped off the top of the package, and slew the pieces across the table with his friend adam. aghast at the number of pieces, adam said, "i guess you're going to have to wait until your dad gets home."

"what's this?" i said.

"well, sebbie's dad is going to have to put it together."

"adam pheasant, what talk is this!" i admonished, and went and got a large plastic bowl and put all the pieces in it. then i kept the boys occupied by making them organise all the "like" pieces. and i put that ridiculous bionicle together, thank you very much, with only one mistake.

i was also marvellous last weekend, at the beach. on saturday and sunday the temperature was 34 all day long, so we headed out to the beach. needless to say, the kids were thrilled. sebastian and adam swam around with their goggles and the girls and jasper played families, going to the beach. 

andrea and i supervised in the water and chad and charles sat in the shade, although at one point, when a single woman wearing a thong and string top and high heels went to walk in the surf, they decided they needed to stretch their legs! (ed: charles denies this, claiming he was following sebastian and only then noticed the aforementioned individual.) the lady didn't stay single for long, chad overheard her saying to a man who invited her to join his friends, "i like meeting new people." chad's final pronouncement: russian hooker. (above: chad splashes jasper with a bucket of water.)

but there were fish in the water, and sunday, i, tess lyons, caught a fish. using nothing but a BUCKET and my bountiful brains. i trust you are impressed. the fish was approximately 2cm long. i was fantastic. of course, being an environmentalist, i let him go.

we're still in typhoon land…can you believe we woke up tuesday, sent the triplets off to school and the government CLOSED kindergartens for the day because of the upcoming typhoon? i believe now that the government hates parents. and then wednesday was a real typhoon, so no school. sebastian believes that God loves kids.

the really poisonous hot weather seems to have broken. it is cooler at night.

i should know this, because last night i got three hours of sleep. not only have i been doing a lot of research and writing this week, but last night jasper woke up just as i turned off the light, screaming that there was blood coming out of his ears.

i shot out of bed, mindful that jasper shares a room with three other small persons. in their room, jasper was upright, screaming and snotty nosed, and the others were rousing. i grabbed him and pulled him into the playroom. there was no blood, but he was convinced there was liquid. i suggested his tears? and put him back to bed.

three times this performance was repeated throughout the night.

how do mothers of young kids do it, this getting up in the night? it seems impossible that i ever did it, night after night (willingly!) but charles tells me that i did. i was just shattered by the 4am awakening, to the point where i pulled jasper into the kitchen, gave him his umpteenth glass of water and some benadryl, which did the trick. i got 3.5 hours of sleep and then was up to meet a deadline.

how do parents with young babies do it?

does your mother know? apparently yes!

like the rest of the universe, i have recently been to see MAMMA MIA. unlike some of you, i went with my magnificent mr, and we had a blast. we have seen the stage production of MM in london, toronto and hong kong, and so had fun comparing the pros and cons of stage and screen and declaring meryl streep's fabulosity loud into the night.

but although we laughed at the appropriate parts, our heartiest laugh came from a family seated near us. during the movie (no worries, this isn't a serious spoiler) when meryl and her posse are discussing how they don't miss men and their nuptual demands, a little girl, no more than six years old turned to her mother and asked, "what are they talking about mummy?" charles and i and those near this unfortunate family exploded into laughter but tried to be quiet so we could hear the mum's answer. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

now, for an update of sorts: i have recently discovered a new talent. of mine. it could be this galloping towards 40 is unearthing all sorts of fantastic new aspects of tess just to make me feel better about actually turning 40, but i don't feel bad about 40. and apparently, i am getting better as i get older, because as my kids keep proving to me time and time again….

I AM THE ONLY PERSON IN THE HOUSE WHO CAN FIND THINGS.

i am truly a miracle.

if wednesday is library day and tuesday nights you are asked to collect your library book and put it in your library pocket, despite an earnest and thorough search of the flat, you are unable to find it. reporting this sad fact to me, i get up, and the miracle starts. i am able, within three locations, to find the errant book.

i am quite incredible, and my talents to not stop there.

rugger mouthguards, ballet slippers, diaries, socks, assorted swim and sportsgear, invites, cheques…not only am i the only person that can locate these items, but i do it quickly. within three moves. like i am bobby fisher completing a chess game between an inbred married couple.

fricking amazing. 

from what i have witnessed of my own supernatural prowess, i am most effective in locating when:

1) i am seated and most comfortable

2) the child who requests location information assures me repeatedly they looked everywhere, particularly in the place where the item was found

3) i have just sat down

4) the child is in my bad books already. (by bad books, i mean, a bad book, like a book i read, or even worse, a book i BOUGHT and didn't enjoy).

so folks, look carefully for me and my large nose to appear in your morning toast. you might see me there.

its easy being green…and cute too.

last friday, my friend janne and i went for a hike.

i suppose the best word to describe janne is "gorgeous". she's danish, so imagine the round blue eyes, and yellowish-blondey hair (a bit of a wave), but she's also v. athletic, so has the kick-butt body of one who respects their bod.

she's also a great mum and friend. people are drawn to her, including me. i used to see her once a week, when she first moved to hong kong and brought her son victor to soccer. we would talk for a bit when i wasn't chasing the triplets around and i always thought, "i really like her".

sebastian and victor are in the same class and i have gotten to know janne better, as sebastian really likes victor. there have been playdates and thankfully, they have gone well.

knowing that she is into hiking, we went for a hike the other day. she promised she would take it easy on me, as it was the day after boot camp and my bootie was sore already. we had a great time and saw amazing things, ants carrying eggs, banana spiders, banyan trees, little planting sites halfway up the hill. but by far, the most remarkable thing we encountered happened toward the end of our walk.

at the end of the reservoir, just where the incline begins, we stopped in amazement. there infront of us was the largest lizard we had ever seen. he was like a mini dinosaur and at the risk of alienating my gecko friends (at least two which now live in my bedroom), extremely cute. we don't have a picture, but we googled him, and here he (it was the male) is:

This picture shows a beige version of the calotes versicolor, but the one we saw was bright green with a red neck and lower face. he was doing some sort of yoga position, head up worshipping the sun. janne and i watched him and smiled at him and his oblivious ways, but soon enough, he spotted us and slunk off. oh he was gorgeous.

and big! 17 inches!

we did some research and learned his other name is the bloodsucker lizard, even though he doesnt suck blood, but it all has to do with his red neck.

being surrounded by beauty is such a blessing. friends are part of that beauty.

as busy as life is right now, as challenging as some of the days are, i am deeply happy woman right now, especially when i remember to have faith.