how do i love thee?

…let me count the ways i have fallen short.

in the past 24 hours three of my kids (100 per cent of my three youngest) have really ticked me off.

let's begin this chronologically instead of managing it emotionally.

i was asked to bake five dozen cookies/squares for the CALL2ALL, a religious retreat happening in hong kong. of course i agreed. i enlisted the girls help for the brownies and reckoned the boys could help me make the rice krispie squares (i always try to make RK squares for the nut and wheat intolerant types out there..don't want them to go hungry!)

so i threw one packet of brownies into the bowl and gave the next packet to carys. she was very pleased and cut the plastic carefully, and then we cracked two eggs, dropped them into the mix, fished out the shell, poured in oil, water, and Bob's your uncle.

well, i was so engrossed in supervising carys that i did NOT see sela, practically self igniting infront of me.

sela? i inquired.

hmph! she responded.

SELA. i said in a voice that brooked no argument. would you like your turn?

mummy? why does carys get more turns than me? you are being nicer to her than you are to me. you love her more!

i was stunned. where had this come from. not the temper, i mean she is CHARLES' daughter (hey, i almost said that with a straight face)…but this little cow comment?

i explained that there were three packets. one for me, one for carys, one for sela. each one of us would get to crack two eggs, pour oil, pour water and then they could share stirring duties. i told her it hurt my feelings to think that she actually believed that i could love one child more than the others. she apologised and said she was just sad that she might not get a chance to cook because she loves cooking very much. (when i had announced it was baking time sela ran to put on a fave dress and necklace…obviously a special occasion).

so.

feeling mildly guilty i sent the girls away to play and then the boys (jasper couldn't go outside because his lungs are bad right now) and i made rice krispie squares. i cut up the brownies and then the girls returned.

carys saw the empty brownie pan (please, this is not a blog judging my manky housekeeping skills, and if you were doing to, may i gently redirect you back to feeling sorry for me, where you ought to be) and demanded shrilly, "did the boys eat brownies?" totally ignoring my question, "how was the playground my love?" when i did not confirm her question she asked again, loudly, "did you give the boys brownies and not the girls?"

and again, i said, "how was the playground carys, did you have a nice time?" and she ignored me.

"why didn't the girls get brownies" (actually, she said bwownies) and why not? you give bwownies to the boys because you love them and they get to make wice kwispie sqwares!" you are not nice to the girls! come on sela!" she burst into tears and tried to get her sister to join her.

"carys!" i admonised and sent her to the thinking chair.

after five minutes while i cooled down, i took carys and said that it upset me that she thought i loved the boys more than the girls, because i make a real effort to treat everyone the same. i did not say what i was thinking, "even when the lot of you are acting particularly unlovably!" i told her that i had to take the "bwownies" out of the pan to give them to the people who would be eating them, and that no baked good should stay in a pan for too long, otherwise it gets soggy (there's never a bad time to drop in a baking tip!)

i asked her to apologise. she asked me if she could have a brownie after she apologised. i forget what i answered but i did leave the room shortly afterwards. (didn't slam door).

i went to the dining room soon after that. the kids were eating and after their dinner were given a rice krispie treat and a brownie. jasper chose not to finish his dinner and was denied dessert. he was not full,he was entertaining. upon learning the sad truth, he burst into tears. and screamed. i told him the screaming hd to stop, he had inconvenienced me with his long dinner, but the screaming was way too much. i took him too his room, gave him his inhaler, let him blow his nose, and he fell asleep in two minutes. not before he could wheeze out, "you gave the others dessert, you love them!"

he didn't figure out that i didn't love him. obviously he was very tired or that would have been his next sentence. or else his asthma is very bad and he is saving his breath.

honestly. i do try to treat them equally, but when it comes to sweeties, they are shrews.

i tell them i love them, i hug them, i go on field trips, i play GO FISH, i read with them…is chocolate such a big deal that it make them feel i didn't love them? are they saying that and meaning it?

end of story, after the jasper incident i took the leftover pan of brownies to my room and ate them myself. today – out of sight, out of mind, no accusations at all. feel like slightly spotty, v. overweight problem solver.

closing doors & opening another one

in his blog, charles has written wonderfully and movingly of the tumult of emotions he experienced last week when he went to toronto to help his family close down the family weekend farm, which doug is selling.

the farm has been such a loved place for charles, and he came home (as we both knew he would and as he warned me he would, even before he left) with comments like, "there were so many birthdays and Thanksgivings we missed" and a camera with 803 pictures on it. memories stored.

but truly, no regrets. gratitude for years at the farm, and sorrow that this era has passed.

while charles was gone, i whipped out another security rug from his feet. i took the first step to leave 6a 122 pokfulam road.

you know we have been dickering with the government for months about rent. they set our rent to be $46,600 (exchange rate 7.8 to the usd). and then one month later they went and set the flat above us to be $41,100. that's not right. upper flats get the higher rent.

so i sent off a very polite email saying, "we are delighted to see that the rents are coming down, so pleased to note this, and we are sure that our rent will be adjusted to even lower than $41,100 as your policy is to have the lower rents per floor."

and the government responded with typical marbles in the mouth stuff…."no, at the time we valued your flat it was worth $46,600. one month later, 7a was worth $41,100. your rent will not be adjusted."

how rude is that!

so, we could stay at 6a, three bedrooms when we do need four, OR we could move. to a four bedroom, or to a cheaper three bedroom. those were the options.

then, i was looking on the gpa website, and i saw that in our same building, one of the four bedroom flats had come up on the market, asking price 47,700.

and a lightbulb went on.

i called my girlfriend mel who is a realtor and we got another realtor over to come and see it with us.

it was in good condition. big. the fourth bedroom is a joke it is so tiny, but still. it is something. it is noisier than 6a, the view of the trees isn't so good. but…still. mel looked at me, i looked at her and she said, "what are you going to do?" and i said, "i am going to talk to my husband."

this is the husband who had just lost a much loved weekend home of 35 years. whose father is going to be selling his other home soon as well. charles is losing homes left right and centre, and now his wife calls to suggest leaving our much loved 6a? admittedly, my timing could be better.

but, to give him credit, he agreed. and the next day, i went in and signed for the flat.

we move 1 july.

more soon, i predict a great deal more on leaving 6a, but for now the synopsis is:

we are staying in the building but leaving the flat
the new flat is bigger
charles was an angel
charles is still not convinced
we have already started throwing things away as i have been quite firm about no "junque" coming with us on our petite trek.
the kids aren't so excited, although the girls, upon hearing they could decorate their own room declared they wanted "barbie riding my little pony bedspreads" (like that will ever happen), one wall with rainbows on it, another wall with hearts and two walls with my little petshops playing with dora and princesses.
(my suggestion of green and white hasn't been overly popular. stay tuned for brainwashing techniques and prepared to be impressed.)

i have seen friends of mine fall in love with unplanned oopsy-daisy-babies. most recently, tertia. my new zealand friend trinie. my girlfriend laurel, mum to the gorgeous danielle.

so the other day, when my calendar reminded me to pull out the mattress sized feminine products out and prepare myself for five days of fun, i was a little disconcerted when nothing happened. not even a cramp. but not overly surprised. i like to plan ahead because i don't like getting caught short.

so, i reckoned, the next day. FOR SURE. but, no.

i assured myself "Tomorrow" for three days, until saturday when i began playing games i have not played for five years. squeezing b00bies. looking for veins. and getting scared when i stood up too fast and was dizzy and then remembering sharply with relief that the very same thing happened to me in kota kinabalu when i stood up in the 35 above heat.

sunday, i just began panicking. could i possibly be having a baby? 39 is a FINE time for others to have babies. but NOT ME. i barely have enough time for my four existing children, five would be wayyyy too many, or one too many. where would it sleep? how much would it cost? what would i do?  i have relentlessly given every single baby item away. this is terrible. i am terrible. surely not worthy of being a mother again.

charles kept asking me if anything was wrong and for a minute i wanted to unburden myself. after all, this, (which is nothing) could be his fault too. "It takes two, buddy…you were there". but until i knew there was a problem (aren't i a cow, calling the non baby a problem?) i didn't want to say anything.

sunday night i got a little teary. sort of like i did the day i saw three heartbeats on the ultrasounds. charles looked around and cuddled me which just made me realise that i am not ready to be a mother again. i cant even look after myself.

and today, my cycle righted itself. i am crampy and grouchy and so relieved.

my friend susan brought me six beautiful peonies yesterday, and they are blooming and well.

yesterday i saw a snake.

it was massive.

i was curious and so i googled it, by description….

and here were the options of what the snake could be…and i don't really like the options!

Many-Banded Krait (Bungarus multicinctus)

Chinese cobra (Naja atra)

King Cobra (Ophiophagus hannah)

the snake was eight feet long.

ahhhhhhhhh !!!!

in recent weeks, part of my monday routine has been visiting the central wetmarkets. would i be repetitive if i told you how the wetmarkets summarise the many things i love about hong kong? today it was the sunlight pouring in down between the canopies, making the lilies smell even headier and the strawberries sweeter. and it's lai chee season folks…read it and weep.

i even brought a video camera. today was the day i was going to capture it ALL. because who knows if and when there will be another chance? but five steps into the wetmarket i saw laichees, and then i saw chinese cabbage, and decided what we were having for dinner tonight, and soon my arms were laden down with goods. impossible to video when your arms have half a watermelon in them!

but i'll be back.

we are in hong kong for now. although i feel God has released my heart, if we were transferred elsewhere i wouldn't be devastated (to be fair, it would depend on where it was), i think we are here for now. and that is a good feeling.

i have made chicken adobo for dinner, the kids are bathed, and we are happy.

have been to the doctor (TYVM) and medical issue has been taken care of we hope with some expensive medication.

today i am grateful for sunblock, sunshine that simultaneously cheers and tires out kids, and the fact that my husband comes home on FRIDAY!!! and it's monday already!

what odila would do

when charles is travelling, as he is now, sundays are always a little harassed in the house. it is tough to load all our wet beach stuff into a taxi plus the tired kiddies when there is only one prompter and that same person is the taxi hailer and kid corraller.

and staying at home is no fun, and going to the club, although a good option, isn't always the one i want.

so today, i was up at 6am with jasper. nothing was wrong, he was just awake (might have something to do with the fact that i had him in bed at 7pm sharp the night before…and believe me we are headed in that direction tonight as well!!!) he crawled into bed with me and too tired for conversation, i turned on the television and let him watch something that might have been deputy dawg. he kept watching for half an hour, when sebastian wandered in and crawled in, enchanted by this odd turn of events. mummy? encouraging television? wow!

i heard the rustly jingle that indicates bebe being moved around and knew that carys was either up or would be very soon. i invited her to join us, and she was thrilled. by then it was 7.30 and it was only at 8am that sela joined us. sela was a little….disconcerted …. shall we say that there had been unequal television distribution, but over rice krispies and trying to discern what they were saying to us, she got over it. she also greatly liked her sunday school outfit, which went a long way.

we made it to church on time!!! how is that for impressive!

it was a good sermon. and afterwards i chatted to the kids sunday school teachers and hcaught up on curriculum and questions.

our next step afterwards was to walk up to bowen road to see if a sofa that was being donated to small world was in acceptable shape. YOU BET IT WAS! it needs new covers, but that just means we get to go to shenzhen and get new covers! so i am very pleased about that. afterwards, the kids and i walked from bowen road to hong kong park, and then strolled through the aviary. lots of gorgeous birds.

from there, we headed straight to the circular waterfall in hong kong park.

the circular waterfall has a walk through part where you can, wait for it…walk through, or around, as it may be, as it goes in a circle. and the kids love the circular waterfall. it was 30 above. within seconds, shoes were off, and they were running around the waterfall area, while i hoped they would remember the conversation i had with them minutes earlier about  not running, and sebastian's 2004 stitches caused by running on a wet surface.

i have to say, they were pretty good. for 45 minutes, to the delight of tourists and locals alike, they circled around, eventually ducking their heads until the water, getting wetter and wetter and wetter. at one point, seb came out and i made him take off his shirt, which i wrung out and draped over a rock. i suppose a good parent would be worried about how clean the water was (especially as my four kids hung their heads and were doused by the water), but i asked myself…"on this boiling hot day, what would odila do?" and i realised that odila would let them play and splash in the fountain and that is exactly what i wanted to let my kiddies do. and i did. for a LONG time!! and they did not get tired.

my friend sheri's son olin came along and was totally impressed. it means something when an 18 year old calls you fantastic. "i was never allowed to get wet!" he congratulated me. jasper, sela, carys and seb invited him into the waterfall, but he declined. he did however give me some good advice on how to get the kids home.

"give them food and eat it in the sunshine. don't give it all at the same time. spread it out." (he also offered to go to one of the nearby hotels and get towels, telling them that i was a guest, but i said that i couldn't ask him to lie for me)

i recognised wisdom, and after dragging the kids out of the water, we squelched over to a nearby canteen and i ordered them two packets of crisps and one juice box each. the crisps were too hot for the girls, but not for the boys.

we sat on sunny steps and ate.

i then talked about the possibility of mcdonalds.

turthfully, there is a mcdonalds around admiralty, but i wanted to stretch out our walk.

so we did. and en route, we discovered it is hong kong's national musuems day, so we ended up watching a five minute play put on by university students (bless them) in the sunshine and then walked five more minutes to the nearest mcdonalds, which we ate outside! after that was pushed down in indecent haste, i walked us to the NEXT mcdonalds, where i bought them all milkshakes.

i decided i wasn't ready for our day to end yet, so i started to ask the kids how they wanted to get home knowing it would not be an easily settled debate. i was right, sela wanted the seatbelts that minibuses provide, while everyone else wanted a double decker bus because they have two stories.

to postpone our day, we walked up the escalators. talked about the environmental benefits of offering escalators.

and finally, we were on caine road, and we tried to hail a double decker, but it was only going to pokfield road rather than pokfulam road. so, we took a mini bus, the 28. we were the only people on it, which made it our magic school bus.

we talked up the twisty narrow road together with no one nearly getting hit, and then we were home. i dispatched the kids off to play immediately, because i wanted to write down just how gorgeous today has been. i want to put them to bed RIGHT NOW because i am so afraid something will happen that will mar the perfection of today.

will they remember running around in that fountain and how joyous they were?

i will.

always.

why should i set an example? what’s the worst that could happen?

there is a doctor's visit i have been avoiding. for several months now.

today, after some research into symptoms, i took the final step into getting my (sizeable) tookus to the physicians office – i told my mother what was up. she IMMEDIATELY and EAGERLY committed to mentioning whether i have made this appointment until i actually go. so it is a fair bet that by next week, i will have visited.

there is another doctor's visit i have avoided. did you know i haven't had a seriously good head scan in years? i would like to see the inside of my brain, soon.

confession is good for the soul, but as we know, it isn't confession anymore, it is reconciliation. so, i am reconciled to:

– sebastian isn't a "mainstream" child. God was really good to me the other day. I was praying in the kids room and praying for each one, and I acknowledged that seb isn't your "typical" (i know, whatever that is, but those of you who know seb will admit he is…unique). and suddenly God just spoke to me, "do you think John the Baptist got quirky as he strode into adulthood? or do you think he was that way all his life?" and it was just the message i needed to hear. John the Baptist has always been a great story for me…maybe because he had an infertile mum.

speaking of sebastian, he and his dad are going on a mission trip with icm this june. they are building houses in the Philippines. will tell you more (ie: location) soon. when we shared with sebastian that he was going on a mission trip, he was ecstatic. "like james bond!" he rejoiced.

"no buddy, this is more God than guns" we informed our little man.

hopefully he'll still be excited about it. it's going to be an eye opener for sure.

the triplets learned today who their teachers will be next year. i am thrilled. they are ecstatic, particularly sela, who is getting the same teacher sebastian had in year one. for those who remember, miss c. looks alot like "jasmine" from aladdin and is a cracking good teacher. "i want to learn so much" sela confided "and then she will be so pleased with me".

should i share with them that the key to a primary one teacher's heart is not to touch the teacher with just sneezed on hands?

life is beautiful

the other day, janne and i had a playdate arranged. if it was a nice day we promised ourselves we were heading straight to the beach. straight as an arrow.

and this is what we did.

there was one cloud grazing in the cornflower blue sky, and the sun was nailing down.

we plopped down our bags, let the kids loose and our afternoon began.

i really like janne. ever since i met her, at football, i have liked her. it was a blessing to have our boys in the same class.

we started talking, and unloading the snacks that we gave the kids free rein over. really? sebastian said, looking at me incredulously.

yes, it is a celebrate the sun party.

the boys scooped up popcorn and ran to the water. they played and created in the sand. built brave and victorious tower.

and the sun beat down upon us.

we got to the beach at 3.30. at 6.30, bootcamp started (and i have paid and i have the blood of frugal blake flowing through my veins so you KNOW i am going!) so my time was so precious.

and we made the most of it. never once did we touch the water. instead we talked. of families. of mothers. mothering. ways we have learned to bypass tension with husbands. dreams for the future. how love changes. how we change. how love for daughters is different than it is for sons. how we encourage husbands and sons.

i get so much from my friendship with janne. it is rich. she is so content with her life and her husband, with her choices. she loves hong kong. being around someone so happy, in such beautiful surroundings made an already day perfect. and knowing that we only had a little slice of time, and that we had to grab at it, made it even more precious.

at 5.40pm, even before the sun's power had started to diminish, well before the perfect manners the kids had exhibited so far had started to wane, we packed up and left. sebastian left sand all over her car.  i was mortified and of course, had to call today and offer to clean her car.

"no, my car is always messy. don't worry tess" she assured me.

and friends, i was able to let it go.

"okay then…but promise me every time you see one of those pieces of sand you will remember what a great day it was."

"i will" she promised.

and it was.

i am very lucky yesterday was so fabulous because today hasn't. nothing directly affecting me, just tough stuff for people i love. but even in my sadness, as i looked out the bus window (i made myself go out) and wondered, "does it show how sad i am?" i could remember that yesterday i was very happy, and i know i will be again soon. the sun is going to shine again. for everyone. He promises.

charles is on a business trip for the next six days.

the week of bribery was begun.

match attax have been purchased and carefully stored in pockets and side drawers where i have quick access to them. i have told sebastian if we can get through today (sunday) with NO CRYING then he will be rewarded with a packet of match attax. i just can't deal with his hot easy tears today.

this promise of course, caused jasper to furrow his brow. "what about me?"
jasper needs work on his…initiative shall we say. "if i see you cleaning the playroom and obeying then i will give you match attax" promised crap mother. "and that means listening at the table…"

"…and no intentional burping" chimed in sela.
"and if he does a buhp he has to covuh his mouf" inserted carys quickly.

as for the girls, in preparation for this week i got them those silly "pet shop" toys that are sweeping the primary crowds. i suppose these pet shop toys are no sillier than the pet shop boys, but i will defend my musical tastes later. we west end girls must stick up for ourselves.

i am also learning that brothers stick up for others. the triplets have an "introduction" morning at kennedy on 27 may. and i heard sebastian say that he would play with the triplets at playtime so they would know where to play and would not be lonely. of course, that day there will be no playtime, but what a gorgeous offer from big brother. he just overwhelms me sometimes with his gorgeousness and thoughtfulness?

mr thoughtful has completed his homework for the week. he is having trouble grasping times tables. he knows 3,6,9,12,15,18, 21 but has real hassles remembering that three threes are nine. this means that mummy has hassles also. hassles she can do without if you must know. becauase as seb says, "i don't like school. i don't like work." and when i dare point out that he actually has no trouble learning, it's not like it is difficult for him, he points out, "i just dont want to."

i need wisdom on how to deal with this gorgeous complex child of mine. how sad is it that he dislikes school at such a young age? loves his teacher, his friends, but hates the academic portion, even though learning isn't difficult??

a brilliant and creative family time

it’s difficult getting into the swing of family time.

you don’t want it always to be about food.
and you don’t always want it to be about watching tv. (a bit rich coming from the mum who took her kids and eager husband to see the hugely entertaining and overpriced MONSTERs vs ALIENS the other day). and wii/video games.

the other day, our family time constituted going to the mall in charles’ office, and then after a quick ice cream, heading up to charles’ office. we thought we were going just to do wees, but after we got to the aforementioned office, it was just too tempting to let the kids go crazy on the whiteboards.

they were thrilled. princesses and pirates began adorning the boards.

and then i had an idea.

let’s play a game! i shouted

i sat them down and said, “i am going to draw someone from a movie….you have to guess….” and so i began drawing. i think it was cruella de ville. well…it took them awhile…but then someone got it.

then it was charles’ turn. he was quite good.

and then sebastian did harry potter possibly.

and then sela did some princess flick. jasper followed up with diego, and carys did tinkerbell.

we played for about 20 minutes, everyone guessing everyone’s movies (but letting them finish their masterpieces first), until mummy got her grande finale, of seeing how long it took them to guess 10 movies.

i was surprised how good carys and jasper were at this game. i am an okay artist, but all i did was draw fred, daphne and vera, not even scooby and shaggy and carys guessed SCOOBY DOO!!! jasper was really good with home alone, beverley hills chihauhau and some of the other stumpers.

it was a great family time. i can see this one growing as the kids do.

we did take pictures. i might post them sometime. finding the time is so tough right now, i am so sorry.