in my youthful optimism (now that is optimistic!) that the babies would sleep on the plane, i bought a little airport booklet called clear your clutter. kind of an oxymoron: buying a little chutchkla on how you need to throw out stuff. but i bought it anyway. i love clearing out clutter, any tips on how to make me a better thrower outer, or a booklet telling me i am throwing things out like a pro was welcome.
interestingly, about half the booklet was devoted to "people clutter".
people clutter – people who at one time were very important to you, probably during a set phase in your life, when you were very close, and now that the stage has passed, you maintain a sort of relationship, but you really have nothing in common anymore. the examples they listed:
new mothers who become friends simply because they have children the same age. five years on, when one kid is being home schooled and the other is in boarding prep school, the mothers have nothing to really talk about, they disapprove of much of what the other does, or worse, they find it boring, yet they still stay in touch, invite the other to parties, because the other was such a source of support during those first few tough months after baby was born.
the person you leaned on during a trauma. there are some people who are very good at listening. when you go through a divorce, you tend to lean on this person, talk through the devastation your life seemingly is, call them when you are feeling weak or have just had a painful encounter. how, five years on, you have moved on, and while you will always be grateful to that person, you really don’t have a lot in common with them. they remain encouraging and positive about your life, but you really don’t click with them.
should you remain friends with these people?
according to the booklet, NO. the booklet says it takes courage to clear your life of your people clutter. it frees you up for other relationships, it frees them up also. invite them to your once a year parties, but don’t reserve two places at your for ten dinner parties for them, when you could have a couple that you and your partner really enjoy, or want to know better.
this sounds great in a booklet. but can you really pull it off?
i suppose so. i’ve done it before: after a lunch, not calling them, and not surprisingly, them not calling me either. that’s a nice unspoken agreement clean. if we run into each other, we’re thrilled and it is a GOOD five minutes standing there and catching up because it is only five minutes instead of a painful 45minutes-2hour encounter, and because more time has elapsed. that is one of the guilt free clutter cleansings.
however, i think this is only possible if THEY are ready to clear their clutter as well. it is tough to say to a person, "yes, well i’ve moved on and i want to make time for other friends", particularly if you shared a tough time together. "sorry, you remind me of sad times."
i survey my RT and internet friends, and especially given that hong kong is so transient, i really don’t think that magnificent and i have any friends we’ve moved on from. i am happy to say we have people we have moved towards, but there is no one that we spend time with that i would rather not. there have been couples that we spent time with and then their priorities (they do a lot of rowing, they wanted to get together sunday mornings for hikes when we would be in church…)were different from ours. so i can say yes, i have been a thrower and i have been thrown, and it wasn’t tough at all. the booklet does have a point.
do you have friends that are more like obligations? would you want to clear them?
