my amazing race
we have established that i am not a weepy girl. i’m no automated toe-cracking robot, but tears aren’t my way of expressing joy, sorrow or regret.
but i believe in an earlier post i commented on how i always cry at the final episode of THE AMAZING RACE (even the family series, and that was seriously lame).
i had a minute the other day (while waiting to pick up a prescription at the hospital, sebastian was racing around me) to wonder and analyse why the tears.
and just before i got to the cashier i realised that i see THE AMAZING RACE as a parallel of sorts. a parallel to my own life.
AMAZING RACE participants start out the race as we start out life. with a group of people, some of whom exit as you keep going, others who stay with you almost to the end. you learn, you cry, you fight, you excel in ways you never thought you could. sometimes you miss the obvious. sometimes you lose simply because of timing, or luck. you choose the wrong option, and it is a terrible error that changes your luck for the worst overnight. even worse, your partner might not have wanted to do it. you disappoint your partner, yet on other days you exceed their expectations. and each step you travel, your experiences together mount, whether good or bad. you realise that although other teams are faster, have won more, that there is no one else you would want with you on this incredible journey. you help your friends when you can, you make the choice to either appreciate the world you are witnessing, or to exclaim in horror over a culture or life that doesn’t make sense to you.
and finally, finally, weary with new wrinkles around your eyes, tiredness seeping from every pore, you see the finish line. you start running. and you get closer. and you see the people you started on the journey with, and they’re clapping for you. cheering you on to the finish. some are faces you haven’t seen in so long…others you mourned just the other day when you had to say goodbye to them. but they’re here now, healthy looking and smiling, encouraging you to the finish of your race.
i have my ideas of heaven. you know they include animals. and goodness knows i don’t think God looks anything like phil (although i like the idea of the new zealand accent), but the concept of approaching death with anticipation…to meet God and have him confirm not only is my earthly race finally completed but that i have done it well…is overwhelming to me. and to have my loved ones and friends welcoming me to heaven, well that’s where the tears start.
despite the mistakes i make on my amazing race, despite the clues God gives me and the challenges…i don’t always finish first. or well. but i know my race will end at some point, and when that day comes, the thought that God will be there, and i will see loved ones, makes me realise again that death is not to be feared. it isn’t about what i am leaving behind, it is what i am going to. it is about what i have learned on the way. how i reacted. who i let myself become.
i can hear the cheering now.
i want to be tired when i jump triumphantly on to the finish mat. when i see the finish line i hope i have dumped my baggage…necessary for the trip, but not important anymore. my eyes will be on God, but i will hear the voices, and my tired smile will expand.
what fatigue? what aches? what disappointment that i didn’t rest more and see more and enjoy more of my race? forget the regrets. my race is over. my amazing race. i don’t know who will get there first, but i will see you there.
