we have established that i am not a weepy girl. i’m no automated toe-cracking robot, but tears aren’t my way of expressing joy, sorrow or regret.
but i believe in an earlier post i commented on how i always cry at the final episode of THE AMAZING RACE (even the family series, and that was seriously lame).
i had a minute the other day (while waiting to pick up a prescription at the hospital, sebastian was racing around me) to wonder and analyse why the tears.
and just before i got to the cashier i realised that i see THE AMAZING RACE as a parallel of sorts. a parallel to my own life.
AMAZING RACE participants start out the race as we start out life. with a group of people, some of whom exit as you keep going, others who stay with you almost to the end. you learn, you cry, you fight, you excel in ways you never thought you could. sometimes you miss the obvious. sometimes you lose simply because of timing, or luck. you choose the wrong option, and it is a terrible error that changes your luck for the worst overnight. even worse, your partner might not have wanted to do it. you disappoint your partner, yet on other days you exceed their expectations. and each step you travel, your experiences together mount, whether good or bad. you realise that although other teams are faster, have won more, that there is no one else you would want with you on this incredible journey. you help your friends when you can, you make the choice to either appreciate the world you are witnessing, or to exclaim in horror over a culture or life that doesn’t make sense to you.
and finally, finally, weary with new wrinkles around your eyes, tiredness seeping from every pore, you see the finish line. you start running. and you get closer. and you see the people you started on the journey with, and they’re clapping for you. cheering you on to the finish. some are faces you haven’t seen in so long…others you mourned just the other day when you had to say goodbye to them. but they’re here now, healthy looking and smiling, encouraging you to the finish of your race.
i have my ideas of heaven. you know they include animals. and goodness knows i don’t think God looks anything like phil (although i like the idea of the new zealand accent), but the concept of approaching death with anticipation…to meet God and have him confirm not only is my earthly race finally completed but that i have done it well…is overwhelming to me. and to have my loved ones and friends welcoming me to heaven, well that’s where the tears start.
despite the mistakes i make on my amazing race, despite the clues God gives me and the challenges…i don’t always finish first. or well. but i know my race will end at some point, and when that day comes, the thought that God will be there, and i will see loved ones, makes me realise again that death is not to be feared. it isn’t about what i am leaving behind, it is what i am going to. it is about what i have learned on the way. how i reacted. who i let myself become.
i can hear the cheering now.
i want to be tired when i jump triumphantly on to the finish mat. when i see the finish line i hope i have dumped my baggage…necessary for the trip, but not important anymore. my eyes will be on God, but i will hear the voices, and my tired smile will expand.
what fatigue? what aches? what disappointment that i didn’t rest more and see more and enjoy more of my race? forget the regrets. my race is over. my amazing race. i don’t know who will get there first, but i will see you there.
Reader interactions
14 Replies to “my amazing race”
Oh, I wish I didn’t fear death. I really wish I didn’t.
Great post, Tess. Your race is indeed ‘amazing’ and your joy will be huge as He cheers you over the finish line.
Much love, M xox
Oh my goodness. What an amazing post this was? It made me tear up just in the way you phrased it. Well done…
Everytime I think of my friends, family, and dear furbabies greeting me in Heaven I cry too!!!!
What a beautiful post!
What an incredible image, Tess! With the death of a dear friend this weekend, I’m amazed that I didn’t cry as I read your post (since, unlike you, I can cry . . . and usually do . . . simply watching a Hallmark commercial). While I cannot be as sure that I will see her at the finish line as I am that our dear friend Joan will one day be greeting you and I, Tess, I am sure that my friend was given every opportunity, and how I hope that she is cuddled in our Lord’s arms even as we speak!
Blessings,
Erin
(P.S. Give your Mom a transcontinental hug for me and tell her I said “Hi”)
Dear Tess,
Your posting was beautiful and well thought out. I could follow it and feel it too.
Did your sweet Mom get there yet?
Those pictures of the kids are absolutely delightful. I love answered prayers!
Hugs,
Karen
Beautiful and very timely. We too lost a friend this week. While we are saddened & grieve for her family, it gives me great comfort to picture her “jumping triumphantly onto the finish mat!” Thank you, Tess.
Beautiful. I want it too.
Thanks Tess.
Beautiful post. I love it, and I’ve never watched the Amazing Race.
I’ve had many conversations in the past few months with our trio about death, and heaven, and life after death. It’s been very hard to reassure them and teach them what we hope and believe, while sometimes I am filled with fears and doubts.
But I simply have to believe that we will see our loved ones again in heaven, a joyful reunion for all eternity, free from pain and illness and fears, and joyful in the complete knowledge and love of God. I look forward to much the same joyful finish line as you have described. And to somehow “looking down from heaven” to watch our children’s lives, and to being there to welcome them one day with open arms.
The kids ask such sad questions about “Will you miss me Mummy when you are in heaven?” and “Will my teddy bear be there in heaven?” and “I don’t want to die!” And when I answer one, the other children jump in with more and more questions until it can be quite overwhelming. (We said that yes, God knows how much you love your teddy, and God can do anything, so probably he can bring your favourite toys into heaven for you to play with if you want them.) Vague answers like “Well we don’t know exactly,” are not acceptable!
The questions are less frequent now than they were before Christmas (age 5 1/2). But we will never fully understand these mysteries, will we? I know I still have plenty of questions!
Good luck with your inquiring young minds, when the time comes! It sounds like you and Charles are very good teachers on these matters, and many other tricky topics to come.
Rarely do I click on a blog, and find myself wowed to my senses right off the hop. I love your photos, and your writing drew me in from the first sentence. Keep running that amazing race with God’s amazing grace until all that is left is the applause–God’s applause.
I wrote a similar story about a year ago when my son ate bones at youth group in an attempt to win “The Amazing Race” I was so impressed that a boy who wouldn’t eat butter, or melted cheese, or most vegetables would eat bones for his team because he thought it would make the difference in coming in first. They won the race. Now my hope is that he will run God’s amazing race with the same tenacity.
Sorry, but I see the race itself as the best part. Enjoy the trip that you have and keep around the best partner. (sounds like you are doing it already)
I was smart enough to read this blog later in the day as to not ruin my perfect mascara job in the morning. Well done Tess, I think you hit the nail on the head.
Auntie P xoxox
ps) I have to say that if God did look like Phil…….. 🙂
well written. it made me happy to be reminded of God finally welcoming us home to Himself. Although, i have to say, i’m not so sure that will be the end of our race. Our race may be filled with more joy and loving, but I think we will keep on running on the New Earth, won’t we?
Tess- I just heard a WONDERFUL Beth Moore sermon on this yesterday. She was reading from Hebrews 11…about all of the great people before us who have finished strong. As she started on Hebrew 12 and its talk of the “race set before us” she made a GREAT point about how sometimes we don’t run the race beautifully…sometimes we wrestle it! That’s how I feel sometimes, like I will fall across the finish line with grass in my hair and mud on my pants from wrestling parts of the way!