Day: February 5, 2006

it is official.

i am old.

the news did not reach me via registered post, epiphany or teenage kids asking if i am a senior, rather by a rude little hair that i believe is trying to take up residence around my chin.

i think it is there, i have not found it yet.

i have seen the future, and it is not pretty. i am going to be a whiskery old trout and my grandchildren will not want to kiss me because my jawline is dotted with wiry hairs.

even though i will have a goatee, my grandkids won’t think me cool. you can’t win with young people, can you?

i am appalled. i think i would have preferred grey hair. but no, the women in our family don’t get much grey hair. then again, they don’t get facial hair either, while i am apparently harvesting a fine future growth.

i haven’t located this wayward misplaced eyebrow yet, in fact i do not have concrete evidence that it is in existence, but i suspect it is. and that is enough to make me paranoid.

you know i don’t mind aging in itself. i love being practically 36. so much cooler than being in your 20’s. because my body has done great things for me, (carrying children, recovering from children, recovering from some pretty violent seizures, infections, healing broken bones, good eyesight, no cavities) i can forgive it’s betrayal in the little issues of you know, oh, having to work harder to keep arms toned, less muscle definition in my back, etc.

but for some reason this HAIR thing has me, well, bristling with righteous indignation and horror.

and now i am paranoid. i know some very nice women who have hair dotting their jawlines and chins. i am not good enough friends to mention it to them. there are boundary issues. and these aren’t women who have "given up on themselves". one of them has just had a revival in looks and attitude and is dressing in low rise jeans and fitting sweaters. but for some reason, renegade eyebrows are not easy conversations to have. sort of on par with, "um, i think you need to go to the bathroom." killingly embarrassing.

because i have a deadline looming i will only dwell on the concept that i have been sporting the wolfman jack look for a small while, just to indulge my paranoia. but i know that i haven’t been trailing around hair on my chinny chin chin because i do have good enough friends, and relatives that would tell me if this were the case. i know this because my sister and mother and i have promised that if one of us ends up in a home, the others will come round and take care of facial hair, paint toenails and rough skin. peace of mind is so important.

but in the meantime, who will have the courage to tell me if i do indeed have that rogue illegal immigrant?

would you tell someone you knew if they had a stray eyebrow on their chin?

when i am on an airplane visiting a country where my political views and occupation (freelance journalist) might cause me problems if i were to accidentally get arrested, i always tick that i am a "housewife". and, i say smugly to myself, it’s not even a lie.

should i be smug about that fact? or should i be mortified? did i ever see myself as a housewife? why does the term housewife have such negative connotations anyway?

women don’t get it easy.

working mothers are seen as women who want to have children and then aren’t their primary caregivers.

stay at home mums, housewives, are seen as women who have stopped using their brains and are content to be nothing more than a mother.

who gave us these labels and do we subconsciously buy into them or are they just generalisations?

for the record, i think and have always said that while i have no desire to work in a traditional job, i have muchos respect for women who work outside the home. it can’t be easy. there has to be guilt involved. i read the book "I don’t know how she does it" and while i understand that not every woman’s job is at that level and that demanding, i believe many of the principles of the book are true. i don’t believe women are discriminated in the workplace as much as mothers are discriminated against. and that is sad. and so many women do it so well. and have a great home/work balance, despite their ambitions and workloads.

and i also have incredible respect for "housewives". because i know and you know that life is busy. bosses and colleagues can be reasoned with, small children cannot. any working parent who has spent a weekend with their child knows how tough stay at home parenting is. i dont need to justify that the sahm is a chauffeur, chef, mediator, housekeeper, shopper, personal secretary, etc…that’s known. and if the job isn’t as mentally stimulating as working outside the home, reading the paper, having a book club, running, getting out…they all get that other side of your brain working.

i don’t like that mums feel the need to defend themselves. i have heard several times working mums say,

"there is no way i could be happy being a stay at home mum, i have to use my brain."

or

"i want to be a role model for my children saying that women are equal to men."

and stay at home mums saying,

"i didn’t have my children so someone else could raise them."

"there is no job more important than raising my children."

yes, these are beliefs, and that is fine, especially when i write them, but when spoken can almost come across as judgemental or defensive. if you chose to stay at home or to work, then more power to you. be proud of your choice. you don’t have to justify it. it’s yours.