when i am on an airplane visiting a country where my political views and occupation (freelance journalist) might cause me problems if i were to accidentally get arrested, i always tick that i am a "housewife". and, i say smugly to myself, it’s not even a lie.

should i be smug about that fact? or should i be mortified? did i ever see myself as a housewife? why does the term housewife have such negative connotations anyway?

women don’t get it easy.

working mothers are seen as women who want to have children and then aren’t their primary caregivers.

stay at home mums, housewives, are seen as women who have stopped using their brains and are content to be nothing more than a mother.

who gave us these labels and do we subconsciously buy into them or are they just generalisations?

for the record, i think and have always said that while i have no desire to work in a traditional job, i have muchos respect for women who work outside the home. it can’t be easy. there has to be guilt involved. i read the book "I don’t know how she does it" and while i understand that not every woman’s job is at that level and that demanding, i believe many of the principles of the book are true. i don’t believe women are discriminated in the workplace as much as mothers are discriminated against. and that is sad. and so many women do it so well. and have a great home/work balance, despite their ambitions and workloads.

and i also have incredible respect for "housewives". because i know and you know that life is busy. bosses and colleagues can be reasoned with, small children cannot. any working parent who has spent a weekend with their child knows how tough stay at home parenting is. i dont need to justify that the sahm is a chauffeur, chef, mediator, housekeeper, shopper, personal secretary, etc…that’s known. and if the job isn’t as mentally stimulating as working outside the home, reading the paper, having a book club, running, getting out…they all get that other side of your brain working.

i don’t like that mums feel the need to defend themselves. i have heard several times working mums say,

"there is no way i could be happy being a stay at home mum, i have to use my brain."

or

"i want to be a role model for my children saying that women are equal to men."

and stay at home mums saying,

"i didn’t have my children so someone else could raise them."

"there is no job more important than raising my children."

yes, these are beliefs, and that is fine, especially when i write them, but when spoken can almost come across as judgemental or defensive. if you chose to stay at home or to work, then more power to you. be proud of your choice. you don’t have to justify it. it’s yours.