tea and sympathy
thanks for your kind messages and emails. we have appreciated them. in asia the mindset tends to be, "they’re animals! no different from the cows you eat. get over it." hearing your stories of animals you’ve loved makes us smile. you get it.
this getting used to not having a cat will not be an overnight situation.
when i was cutting up turkey and thawing turkey stock, i worried about whether olivia would get into the stock and drink it.
when i laid out the floorlength black beaded ball gown i wore to an event last night, i lifted it up immediately, knowing that olivia would soon jump on the bed and ruck up the fabric with her ultra powerful nails.
when i left the house this morning, i wondered if i should turn on the heater, because olivia does like cosiness.
all week long, little thoughts like this.
so how can you manage when someone huge in your life absents from it? if mc and i had broken up (ie: if God hadn’t been so good to me), i would have mourned things like never having him hold my finger, instead of my hand, as we walked through a crowd, but i would have been mourning the failure of the relationship, and at some point he would have been a jerk, i would have been a jerk, etc.
but in death, you’re not mourning the failure of the relationship, you’re mourning it’s end.the finality. there is no chance you will be getting back together on this earth. all those things about the person that made up your daily habits and patterns, no longer necessary, but you did it for them, and you think of them while doing them, as you have been doing for them for how many years.
i cannot properly imagine what it is like to lose a child or lover.
losing a loved cat is painful enough.
and she was very loved.
the resilience of the human spirit amazes me.
