one good discussion came from our persuasion book club meeting the other night: are today’s women taking advantage of our "evolved society" to persue men?
a few of the women said yes. of course! look at them dressing the way they do, internet dating! speed dating! they are ditching and dating just like men are. especially as they are now equals in the business world.
others said that women still wait to be asked out. yes they meet at bars, but the girl, after giving her number, still waits in agony to see if he calls. there are more unhappy women in marriages than men, they felt.
i maintain that women have always had some power. women do manipulate situations. whether it be a timely "sprained ancle" that keeps a man bound by the chivalric code of the day bound to your side when he would rather be elsewhere, a dropped hankie…women did have some control. but not a great deal.
among the other things we talked about is that you needed self confidence to ask a fellow out. girls lacking in self confidence just won’t be able to.
we decided that if women take advantage of our "evolved society", they do need to have rid themselves of their views of traditional romance. they woman is going to call, make the moves, pay for the dinner..would that be included? what is included in being the aggressor? is it just making the call, arranging the date and then the man goes back to being the "alpha"? is it still a date if you’re paying, in the eyes of a woman? that definition might need to be re-jigged as well.
what do you think? are women taking advantage of "equality" when it comes to dating? should they?
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Hi sweetheart.
Mum let me read your article but she made me repeat the baptist truism (as as set out a few days ago) before and after the reading.
Love to all….Dad
To each her own, but my philosophy was always to let the man do the work. Not only did that save me the energy of having to do it, I benefited from always knowing that the man I was going out with was *truly* interested in me (ie not just saying yes to be nice). If he wants me, he’ll come and get me–that sort of thing. I don’t think the woman pursuing the man is wrong, but if a man pursued me I knew he was interested. If he didn’t, I assumed he wasn’t, and I didn’t waste any sleep over trying to interpret what he’d said/done/meant.
I don’t think that any kind of conversation in which we lump a bunch of people together under one heading is a safe one. Are women taking advantage of the equality they have when it comes to dating? Some are. Some are not. Some have no interest at all. In which direction are the majority of women moving? Not sure. What I know is that many of our young girls are demoralizing themselves when it comes to dating. This worries me. I work in a high school and see the way many of our young girls behave around boys. It worries me to no end.
Okay, I’m totally rambling…I could go on for days.
Interesting!
I thought it was peculiarly american (but apparently not given you are in HK!) for the man to always be expected to pay for a date. In the UK people frequently pay for themselves, or alternate who pays. I bet if you have any dutch commenters they will say the same or more so – they are particularly egalitarian in my experience.
So yes, I think if we want equality, we have to not want it just in some areas (jobs, education) and not in others (dating, home improvement).
Some kind of reverse sexism – I want it my way but I want the guy to pay and do the work? If people want to be equal than act equal. I can go on for pages from the other direction.
Great post. It’s interesting to know that building self-confidence can be as easy as ABC. Interestingly enough, http://www.confidencebuildingcourses.com offer good tips too. Might be interesting to check it out.
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