somehow, d.i.t. has picked up a ‘flu bug. d.i.t. is, daughter number one, child number three, stretch marks 5-12, flirt alert, diva in training, sela.

previously known to enjoy rude health, d.i.t. is now snuffling, coughing up pleghmy bits, feverish and not sleeping. the snuffling was kind of endearing, the coughing up not too alarming, the fever, not above 100, basically nothing was bothering me seriously. until she stopped sleeping.

now i am as sick as a parrot as well. not physically, mentally. in anticipation of tonight.

because experience with children 1, 2, 4 and living cat 1 and dead cat 1 and only husband has taught me, if they’s sick and not sleeping, i’m not sleeping either. or eye-ther. who cares? i still am not getting sleep!!!

between 8pm and midnight are my publicly declared favourite hours of the day. i am not an evening person, but i love the quietness, and knowing that, God willing, i don’t have to deal with en mass demands for 10 hours. ten. double numbers, count em. i can read chapters, talk while making eye contact with magnificent charles (who as of today will be magnificent from india for five days), finish work, do online banking with out hoisting  a child over my shoulder or having to ignore sebastian’s pleas to "sit mummy’s lap play bob the buildah"…i have two empty arms and the brain to match. and to give further example of my lack of ability to make sense or myself better, i waste precious moments that i could be sleeping, just enjoying the sense of quiet, and not being needed.

i could be asleep between the 8pm and carys midnight feed, but i can’t. because i love that time of day so much i don’t want to miss a thing. (to quote aerosmith). i love watching my children sleep. i replenish a lot of love for them during that time. i smooth their mussed about covers, refold their clothes, straighten their rucked up play areas, pray over them, talk to them and am rejuvenated when my words are met with silence. my voice is softer, and not just because they are sleeping. because i am not responding, i am initiating the conversation and because i can end it whenever i choose with NO ramifications. just walk out of the room, no cries, no guilt.

i will miss that tonight. but in the words of katie scarlett, "tomorrow is another day".