you are witnessing me in the middle of an internal battle.
my father and sister are arriving for a long overdue visit on friday.
the situation: triplets, demanding. sick and not sleeping a lot. until three weeks ago they used to sleep through the night, and now only sela does. they are getting active…my dad calls them the dog pile because they are always squirming around each other and pushing and kicking. sebastian three and active and loving being read to, showing off his paintings, games he’s created, or his talent of jumping off the sofa and landing on his feet then bottom.
the dilemma: should i make myself look like i rise above the demanding chaos? because if i could pull it off, i would gain so many points in the family’s unwritten and understood FLAW BOOK. patience and temper and always issues for me, but appearing ethereal in all of this would definitely make me the BEST PERSON IN OUR FAMILY. EVERYONE would come to me for advice and i would hear everything first.
however, this mother would not be a person i would like. not on an integrity meaning either. but this mother would be a bit boring, i suspect floral, and unbearably naff.
and then there is the little matter of, if i pretend to be in WORSE shape than i am in, they will do more.
so, what shall it be: pride or pity?
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Reader interactions
8 Replies to “at what price honesty?”
Hi, I am new here from Tertia’s blog. Love reading your blog and your family is beautiful!
I say Pity. Get the help while they are there, maybe give you a small break?!
Kirsten
Tess – I have followed your progress with the triplets and have loved reading your blog. When I read about you hating to feed your babies the other day (I laughed, I have twins), but I did call my neighbor and headed down the street to help her with a night feed of her triplets. You remind me of how much more difficult three vs. two really is! (crazily enough, we are both nauturally pregnant, so she is adding one more to her mix – her triplets will be one next month – she also has a 3 yr. old) ANYWAY, I totally relate to your pity vs. pride dilemma – I struggle with it all the time. Am I the woman on top of the world with all my little ducks perfectly taken care of? OR am I waving the white flag of surrender just trying to survive being 7 months pregnant with toddler twins and a 5 year old? The answer is – depends on the day. Some are great – some not so great. My friends and family might think I am bi-polar or something b/c sometimes I am great and sometimes I am overwhelmed. So, I say, be honest – let them see the good, bad and the ugly – you really don’t want the relatives to stay forever.
hugs to you and your clan,
MollyV
Love your stories, wish I could have followed the trips from birth but I missed it. My best friend had 4 and the a single 13 months later so I’ve seen some of it. Also the love of my life lives in HK while I am married to someone else here in Canada so I love stories of life in HK. He’s an American National, plays frisbee and works on the water reclamation project in Vic. Harbour. I look forward to reading more about your life.
Well, for me and I only had one baby, I acted like I could do it and it only drove me into a post partum depression. You have 4 babes lady, don’t be wonderwoman, I think it is endearing to show a little vulnerability besides, family is supposed to help you.
Definately the pity portion. Really, do you care if you hit the “flawless” portion of their evaluation system…and do you really want them to come to you for more advice??????????
I suspect they don’t read your blog? HA HA
Bugger pride darling, go for pity. What’s pride going to give you? Nothing except a brief internal yay. Pity will get you help and maybe gifts, duh! Obvious choice to me.
And now that I think of it, pride is kind of selfish, only one person benefits, where as pity, like love, is shared? Huh? Make sense?
I am coming over to visit my sister who I love and admire as of tomorrow.I am excited to be away for the whole “being away aspect”, but I also am so excited at the prospect of helping looking after these 4 little people who are part of my family. I was always more than happy to help out with Sebastian whenever he was in Canada, and I am SO excited about being able to help out and getting the chance to bond with the 3 newest members. I have stressed to my dear sister ( as has our father) that we want she and her husband to go away for a weekend while we are there. We want them to enjoy themselves and take advantage of us while we are there. We love you Tess and family :-),, use us!!
See you in less than 48 hours
Easy solution: just do exactly what you always do. Let your family be in awe of what you do accomplish in a day, and humbled by the obstacles around you.
You’re right, by the way: the mantle of perfect “rising-above-it” triplet motherhood isn’t worth the temporary ego lift. Or at least it wasn’t for me. Between being above the world or a part of the world, I’ve found it more soul-satisfying to be a part of the world. And nothing brings you together with friends (if not always family) than an honest account of your flaws.