had an annoying experience the other day, had typed up a review on what was going on and then CARYS (she who looks so innocent) silently approached me, stood up and pressed the control button and erased the message. i needed to walk away i was so angry.
nathan – my nephew got a job in yellowknife, moved up here and is currently living with my parents. he is almost 21. he loves curry and having lita at my parents place because her cooking is divine. he just moved to yellowknife from alberta. he works in graphic design. he is an easygoing fellow, but knows his own opinion. sebastian loves nathan, who makes time to play trains, teach him gameboy and other manly things.
yesterday nathan went to church. he hasn’t been going to the church where my mum worships, because there is another church with a far more active college and careers group. this was the second visit he made to this church, and for the second week in the row, NO ONE approached him. the first week he was there, nathan saw another fellow looking apprehensive and befriended him. yesterday, that fellow was the only person who spoke with nathan. there was also another person who nathan called and who spoke with him.
you know, i have a problem with that. since there is another person involved, we know it is not just nathan that the congregation is ignoring. why is it so hard to break into this group? shouldn’t churches encourage people to join? nathan will continue attending church, but what if he were someone else with a lesser faith? that would absolutely turn me off. since when can you have too many friends?
which brings me to another topic slightly related. forgiveness.
why is it easier to forgive someone who has hurt you, than it is to forgive someone who has hurt someone you love? henri nouwen has written a good book on the prodigal son, and comments very accurately that all of us are people who have been the prodigal, asking for forgiveness, the father, who is forgiving, and the brother, who is watching, and unwilling to give the forgiveness.
why can we forgive someone who hurts us, but wrestle over truly forgiving the person who has hurt someone we love? or…how can we forgive others, but not forgive ourselves?
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Hmmmm, I now remember why I dont go to church…
That is not the best sounding place that Nate is going to… which church is it? You can tell me later.
Carys is like a stealth bomber, she comes in under radar, accomplishes her mission and moves out without being detected 🙂
Good on you for walking away as I can only imagine how frustrating that was.
See you in a few weeks !!
xo
I don’t know why that is, but I have done a lot of thinking about it. In the last three years, I have made slow but significant process in forgiving those who hurt me, but in the case of my good friend who had her heart broken two years ago and has since moved on very happily–there is still anger in my heart for that hurtful man. Also for the woman who broke my husband’s heart BEFORE WE EVER MET. I guess it is better than being unable to forgive anyone. As HH the Dalai Lama says: “If you must be selfish, be wisely selfish and cherish others.”
I am very surprised I must say. It has been decades since I went to church to worship but my understanding of the local churches is that newcomers are welcomed with OPEN arms. Very strange and obviously not the church for him.
Ah, my sweet Carys… She’s a good lass.
I can relate to the church your nephew attends. My catholic church was very much like this (probably worse actually) and that is what has sculpted my religious beliefs to this day.
You can only be snubbed so many times for being one of the public school kids, poor kids, weird kids, etc. and then have your family snubbed as well before you just say the hell with it. I always thought churches were supposed to be friendlier. Not mine.
Hope his experience gets better or he finds a better place and doesn’t end up confused like me.
Thanks for your writings. Recently, I have been thinking about forgiveness as well. Strangely enough, Matthew 18:15-17 and Matthew 18: 21-22 seem to offer two contradictory approaches to deal with someone who sins against you. I guess you may have to show that people his faults, while at the same time forgive that person. Very difficult indeed. I guess this approach also applies to people who hurt those you love.