once i was able to shake from my head the image of my tiny gran waving goodbye to me, and the feel of her soft arms around my neck, i was able to enjoy the flight home.

contributing factors:

1) i had my own food and didn’t have to rely on air canada to serve me meals prepared 12 hours previously

2) i WAS GOING HOME to charles and sebastian, jasper, sela and carys!

3) i had four seats to myself.

so i flipped up the armrests, tried to ignore thoughts on who is going to take care of the list of things my gran needs help doing, popped a few tylenols (that won’t interfere with my anticonvulsants, fear not) and slept through the first movie. and laid there in a happy state for another two hours. then i started and finished a book, read a magazine while eating, finished and completed another book, watched a little bit of SIDEWAYS while eating, and slept for another two hours. that was my flight. 13 hours plus.

got through customs in no time whatsoever, and soon enough, there was charles and sebastian, smiling and waiting for me with open arms. 45 minutes later, i was at home, in my flat, surrounded by cat hair, the smell of baby lotion, coconut milk and curry, soy sauce, the smell of hong kong and furniture polish.

i slept until 3.30, then got up. the babies cosmically knew i was home, why else would they get up at 6am? i was thrilled (i wont be tomorrow if they pull the same stunt), and picked them up and out into the daylight.

sela grinned and touched my face with both hands when she realised it was me holding her. started babbling. it would have been a true hallmark moment if she had said MA-MA, but she did not. jasper was very smily to see me and shrieked when i put him down to pick up carys, and didn’t stop until i sat down on the carpet with all three of them. carys was also happy to see me, she scooted from one end of her cot to the other to see me. lifted her arms to me, which is a first for us.

when i sat down, they all started approaching me. six pairs of hands on my knees, grasping for further holds as they launched themselves on to me. i started to get clausterphobic, to inch back a little. then i realised, THESE ARE MY BABIES! and we had a grand cuddle fest, and each got their turn in my arms, pulling at the metal "j" zip on my sweat suit.

they’ve gotten more hair, and i think carys has grown. she had a good physio appointment while i was gone, but we need to buy a balance ball for her, to increase her strength. i am not sure of the rationale on that, but i am going to look into it. because i am home. and as soon as i start/finish the three freelance assignments i have, i will get right on it.

nap time is over, three voices are demanding love. and i am home to give it.