snippets of conversations

from sebastian's birthday party:

kid one: that's stupid!

sebastian: stupid is a bad word!

kid two: no, fUck is a bad word!

carys: we played families today

jasper: i was the daddy watching cricket

sela: i was the old lady with a bowl of mush saying hush. and then i put on a princess dress.

andrea to ella: since only ashleigh and adam are going to the birthday party, would you like to have carys to tea?

ella: carysselajasperonly.

carys: where are you going mummy?

jasper: she's going to boobcamp!

carys (looking at me): she didn't go last week!

once i am back at home, deciding a speech is necessary

tess: sebastian, do you know why mummy works out?

charles: so she can have twice the satisfcation of exercising and knowing that showering elsewhere saves money on our water bill?

************

you see why i blog? i just don't want to forget any of this.

tomorrow is the night market. yesterday one of the vice heads sent out a request for bottles for the tombola. i sent sebastian in today with a bottle of rum. it was a good look for him.

see you tomorrow. if you are in hk, come along to the night market….$10 for an adult book, $5 for a child's. a very good deal!!!

down under is a no go

we're not going to brisbane.

the combination of the amount we (over)spent at the icm banquet and things happening at charles' work means that we aren't going to brisbane.

folks, i am fighting hard on this one.

i think i always knew we weren't going. it just seemed too good to be true. i told charles this last night, and that statement hurt him a lot. i didn't mean it to, but hey, how often do we hurt people without meaning to?

i needed this trip. not like the people in the philippines need to get out of poverty, but i needed to see a new country, get a new stamp on my passport, feel new sand under my feet. i needed to feel like i wasn't getting into a rut.

i completely understand why we are not going. i support the decision not to go.

yet. i. am. despondent. and events of this week, small ones, suddenly have taken on mammoth importance all to mean i have a life of boredom, mean nothing to anyone, and a few more things.

i have no idea when the massive pity party will be over. i need to just put on my big girl knickers and get over this. believe me i am trying. i know that we have made the choice, the only choice that at the end of the month (if not day) is the only one i can live with. so we give up a trip…so people's lives are changed for the better. i can do this. and i will. i just have to get over the idea that i am frumpy, boring and in a rut. give me a couple of days.

more soon.

xo

home improvements

the eye is improving.

the same can be said for the knees.

i feel very adult and responsible with the way i have treated my knees these last two weeks. i have not gone for a run, or done any serious walking (over 2k). i did a very tepid workout the other day on the elliptical trainer with no side effects so i am ready to do an easy run i reckon. don't you?

20 years ago i would have powered through any pain, ignored everyone, not bothered seeing any doctors and made everything worse, and probably would have had a dramatic accident somewhere. but 38, ah, we love ye, and i am a respectable matron, and respecting my limbs is all part of the game. tomorrow i pick up where i left off.

we had sebastian's birthday party today. 10 boys. star wars party. that's all i am saying.

the first 2/3 was excellent, the last third was not as great, but hey, what can you say. the boys had fun and on the whole, were well behaved. the ones that weren't, i talked to, jokily at first, with my beady eye next, and then with narrowed still gooby red eye and questions that required no answers.

ie: did you hear me say don't walk on that fence?

my almost seven year old was thrilled with his special afternoon. LOVE HIM.

and if you want to know how i didn't include the triplets in sebastian's party, read on. but first, my justificiation:

i wanted sebastian to have both his parents just focusing on him at his party. i didn't want him having to share his party with his siblings. we will have a family party another day. we will also talk about the hypocrisy of us wanting sebastian to have a separate birthday when sela and carys will probably share until they leave for college at some other point.

at first jasper, sela and carys did not want to be left out of the festivities. there was incredulity, shrieking, stomping and yelling in that order. and then mummy began the bribery, and basically offered them everything that was going to be happening at the party, except better. at the party there was pizza and chips. well, i offered them pizza and crisps, TWO FAMILY BAG SIZES. it wasn't enough, but it was a good start to negotiations. the boys at the party were going to watch THE THUNDERBIRDS, which didn't thrill my younger three. so i called andrea and she said i could borrow MARY POPPINS ("you can keep it, it's shite" interjected chad). the triplets were thrilled. MARY POTTINS! shouted jasper. and then the kicker.

the main injustice was that sebastian was getting out for a party. and they, were being asked to stay home because they never get out and never go anywhere. so andrea offered and i agreed with pathetic eagerness, to let her host the pizza and crisps party at her home. and let it be said the triplets are in andrea's home at least four times a week. yet…when i played this card on top of the other incentives…pizza, crisps…two bags at that…a mini birthday cake of your own, party bags, mary poppins and AT ANDREAS…they exploded into delight. the deal was done. they could not hide their joy.

i felt very good.

and it was very good to come back from the party, satisfied that sebastian had had a good time, and see my trio, and realise they had celebrated sebastian's birthday, as mary herself would say, "in a most delightful way".

it almost makes me feel as if i am, "practically perfect in every way".

almost but not quite.

home alone

i should have known the eye goo wouldn't end with the kids.

yesterday i felt like i had a piece of grit in my eye all day long. i was in the classroom helping out, and was blinking, wondering if yet another eyelash, overwhelmed with the rare experience of having mascara applied to it, had jumped ship and landed in my eye.

by 4.30 the eye was swelling.

by 6.30, right around the time i was leaving for  a board meeting, the eye was vile and red and closing quickly.

i managed to stay for the meeting, forked down some gorgeous chilean sea bass, but left before dessert because i could tell the other diners, although heroic in talking to me and not staring at my blowfish type eye, were bending under the strain.

during the night i got up three times to attend to the eye, which was a bit gooby, but still not that bad. i put ice on the swelling, hoping it would bring it down.

this morning at 6.30 i looked revolting, this was unfortunate, because i had committed to help stephanie sell her calendars and other gorgeous lang products at the american club. only one option…wear sunglasses.

thanks to ibuprofin, eyedrops and good conversation, the day wore on. and when i got home, i was met with the news that the kids had watched home alone. this is fine. they've seen it several times.

the kids, once they had exclaimed over my swollen eye, launched into the plot of home alone.

"and mummy, home alone gets left in his house all by himself"

"and mummy, home alone screams like this"

"and mummy, home alone fights the baddies."

and after hearing the three swift synopsis i realised that the kids think the kids' name is home alone. i asked sela, who generally is pretty quick on the uptake, if she had any idea what the boy's name was.

"mummy, he is home alone."

"but what is his name, kitten?"

and then carys said to me slowly, "HOME ALONE".

this was getting very "who's on first" so i had to leave it.

my jaw is aching and along my neck little lumps have appeared which charles says is the infection from my eye branching out. i love being married to a doctor's son. it is a distinct turn on at times. however, given my appearance right now, i will have to put my attraction on simmer.

i actually don't have time to be sick. does anyone else feel like that?

i felt incredibly guilty. this morning when sebastian saw my eye he said, "mummy, is your eye like that because you have been on the computer so much lately?"

bad mummy bad mummy bad mummy. the eye is an outward sign of my inner badness !!

the reason for the week of silence

think where man's glory most begins and ends,

and say my glory was, i had such friends." … william butler yeats

two weeks ago, many members of various hong kong communities were sobered when word filtered down that a popular, 16 year old west island schoolgirl had died in her sleep that morning. her name was megan farrell.

while i did not know megan farrell, i do know her mum julie because julie was VERY active at kennedy school last year. all three of the farrell girls went to small world, then to kennedy school, and on to west island. i do not know julie well. a smiling acquaintance.

charles has a deeper relationship with the farrells; he is part of a weekly prayer group with colin.

the farrells attend a small church and its members were devastated. the swimming, drama, dance and schools were devastated. this family has impacted so many. a facebook for megan talks about the impact she had, whether it was here in hong kong where she moved while she was just in nappies, or in kenya, where she went on a short service trip last year.

because megan died at home, it took a long time for the body to be released. finally, one week after her death, the family realised they were going to be able to start making plans for a funeral.

they chose to hold the funeral at union church, where we attend.

i was asked to be the liason person between the two churches, and to look after food and decorations. approximately 100 people were expected, they explained.

i jumped into action.

my Bible study group, which meets on thursdays, decided to suspend study for a week so they could help me decorate/organise. members of my monday prayer group, weng and sheri, also volunteered, and those who couldn't make it, sent food. (more on that later).

other volunteers, from outside the church. mel, who had the younger farrell girls in her playgroup. ursula, who was megan's netball coach. susan, a church member who is creative and talented and very gorgeous.

and the call for food started. the thing with a function is, you want to have food that is ready to serve. you don't want anything that needs slicing, heating, etc. so i said that in an email i distributed.

responses came pouring in quickly. people were eager to help. they were so happy to be finally able to DO something. cookies, sandwiches, chicken wings, salmon cakes, all offers i received in the first 2 hours of the email going out. my email said disposable plates, because you don't want to be doing dishes for hours afterwards. plan it out, let people know and you can make it very efficient.

the next day i learned the funeral was going to be 200 people. i sent the email out to more people.

and the next day i learned that it was going to be 300 people. the farrells home church said they would provide food for 100 people, and with that in mind, i contacted the men's prayer group colin farrell belongs to and asked them to contribute.

have i mentioned how much i love men? immediately i got an email back saying they would not be able to actually make anything, but how about they each contribute a certain amount of money, like $60us and get a caterer? to someone i steered them away from a hotel and suggested a local shop.

every hour i was getting updates on what the family wished, and food updates. my email was getting forwarded to people who "would want to help". i wasn't worried about numbers showing up to the funeral, i was worried about surplus food!!

tuesday i met with two ladies from the farrells church and took them to union church to show them around. then susan, stephanie (who offered to do the power point presentation during the funeral because she is that sort of friend) and i went shopping for decorations. that night i came home, and there were more offers for food donations. i tried emailing one person to say we had enough food, but you know what? people weren't listening.

wednesday i was out of the home from 8am-10pm, working with stephanie at the conrad fair. we had a good time selling the lang calendars that she distributes here in hk. and when i got home, there were 31 more emails, all with food donations.

thursday was funeral day. ursula and i were at the church by 9am. we dusted the church pews, which get very dusty during the week. we wanted everything perfect. then we started cutting ribbons for the decoration team. setting up tables. at times, there was nothing to do. at times, i didn't know what to do. at times, it seemed nothing mattered.

at 11.45, guests started arriving for the 12.30 funeral.

at 12.15 i got a call from charles, who was driving the farrells to the church that they were on the way, could i please unclip the barracade on the church driveway and let them in. i ran downstairs, (not realising my pink blouse which i had just changed into was on inside out) and got them in.

and at 12.30 the service started.

i didn't see a lot of it. i was organising, not doing as much as sheri, who had mercifully taken over the food side of things, put pushing stuff to the side, but i saw enough. heard how megan as a little girl had been concerned for homeless people, how she was no saint, but she loved and was loved.

and at the end, when the coffin was being wheeled out, how do parents who don't believe in heaven endure such sorrow? how can they leave their child in a grave and walk away if they are not certain her soul is in heaven? the farrells had that certainty.

during the reception….for the longest time, no one ate. and then a few brave people started. (yay!) the tables were groaning we had so much food. and the food in the kitchen was even MORE. we were preparing bundles of food for departing people, and wondering what were we going to do with the surplus?

during the cleanup, as we surveyed the massive amounts of food left over, terri said, "let's call st. barnabas". and it seemed the right decision. st barabas provides food to hong kong's destitute and hungry. the spillover of love for the farrells would go to the people megan had such a heart for.

charles and ursula and i carried three big carrier bags to st barnabas and left them there.

we went home. hugged our children who knew where we had been but didn't understand why we were hugging them so tightly.

when people responded to me about food donations, they didn't tell me just what they were bringing. often they told me their relationship to the farrells, and a story about megan. i was starting to get a picture of this girl, and her wide reaching circle of friends. and her parents as well.

friends. my friends, none of whom except mel and ursula were directly connected to the farrells all stayed behind after the funeral to sweep and clean. it only took 90minutes with all seven of us helping, but there were ribbons to untie, dishes, and tablecloths to remove (very few to wash i note smugly), sweeping, and lots of food to seal up. friends. time and again, they amaze me.

think where man's glory most begins and ends,

and say my glory was, i had such friends." … william butler yeats

routine or rut?

a few minutes ago charles and i were figuring out how to spend the afternoon.

he: i know you are busy reading right now

me: yes, i am busy (putting down book with martyr like air)

he: but later this afternoon i was thinking we could take the kids to the boat club for a swim and really tire them out.

me: or we could go to the beach.

he: (puts on uncomfortable face)

me: or we could go to an outlying island, have a bit of a walk, and have dinner at a seafood restuarant and catch the ferry home

he: (in a voice that yes, must be called challenging) which island?

me: (knowing this was coming, prepared) cheng chau

he: would they walk?

me: it's not 10k, we could just walk awhile, even through the village which is fascinating

he: i just think the boat club is a good idea because it would really tire them out and they do need to sleep.

this is a very accurate statement. the kids DO need a good night's sleep if the whinginess is anything to go by. and my darling chuck is only trying to make the kids more human.

HOWEVER – this is where charles and i differ. he likes the idea of a sunday routine. church, homework, boatclub, dinner. a nice routine.

tess on the other hand, sees this wash rinse repeat sunday lifestyle as more of a rut than a routine. surely we are more creative than this?

dont get me wrong. the boatclub is fantastic. but so is hong kong and i love family adventures (excepting disneyland). the boatclub is safe, predictable and all that sort of thing, but i want my kids to see more.

charles grew up in a club going family, and today, his dad and one of his sisters are very much involved in club activities. the club is where the family gathers for events. don't get me wrong, they don't sip mimosa's around the pool, in fact they rarely use the f&b outlets, they have a boat, which means they often get away from the premises themselves as well…but still, the club is important to them. the club lifestyle is part of charles' heritage, and lets face it, the community you get is fantastic. i love the people i have met through the boat club here in hk and the easy way of life. LOVE IT. and the lending library.,..hooray!

HOWEVER…i do want to balance that out.

yesterday i took the girls with me to the wetmarket. they could have stayed playing, but wetmarkets are fascinating. i want them to see and explore it. they hated the smell and despaired of the fishes flopping around once they were relieved of their heads, but…this is their city! THIS IS THEIR HERITAGE! it's all about balance.

i might not be giving charles as much credit as he deserves on this blog and topic, and forgive me.

update: we let the kids decide what we would do this afternoon and the sodding boat club won. now i will have to give in gracefully. wish me luck.

one year and almost two weeks

one year and almost two weeks ago lita left hong kong and our family.

i was going to write a post about this anniversary on november 1, but i wanted to scan the pictures the kids drew of lita and our family, which tell more than anything how loved and part of our family she remains.

however, i never got around to it (as you can tell), but i needed to write about lita, because she's still so essential to team caldwell. she helped get us to where we are, and loved us through it all. she calls, we email, she's doing so well in Canada. she has her learners and in less than one year, she will be a Canadian citizen. she has such courage.

the family she works with now loves her and she is happy with them. she tolerates the cold and although she doesn't know what she will be doing career wise one year from now, she is excited knowing a whole span of options that she never had before are opening up to her, and her family.

like with most major events, lita's departure seems oddly out of sync with "real time". most days it feels like she left one month ago. two, possibly. but then there are other times, like when something wonderful happens, especially with sela or sebastian and i will remember i have to wait until she calls until i tell her…and i realise it has been the pattern forever now.

i am happy to say the kids remember and love her just as much as i do. whenever they remember to pray, lita is included in those prayers. as is baby melissa, and de. they happily talk about the summer, when lita was with us, and anticipate when they will see her again.

that's not to say that they don't love gary and marianne, but lita was part of their earliest memories. her arms held them, her voice coaxed formula down their throat and persuaded them not to vomit yet another feeding up. four years of love, protection and wisdom. i am so glad that they look at pictures of lita and feel that love and security washing over them.

me, i look at those pictures with gratitude. that we survived. that she came into our lives. that she's still in them.

lest we forget

it is remembrance day. for the past week we have all been wearing our poppies, and today, i went into sebastian's classroom and talked to 2N about remembrance day, and the importance of remembering our glorious dead.

we talked about the corn poppy, war memorials, and the world wars. at one point, it got very interesting, as the japanese children in the class said, "and then we bombed hong kong and lived here! yay japan! yay japan!" and then a couple of the boys said, "yes, but then we beat you."

it was different giving a speech that didn't include enemies, or idiologies, because at age six, they don't understand those concepts, they understand goodies and baddies.

it was also difficult, when i was talking about how the war was tough for women and children because they didn't see their husbands and daddies for five years, a little girl put up her hand and said, "that is like me. my daddy died three years ago. it is very sad."

we talked about Flanders Fields, freedom and how brave people were to fight to give people they had never met, US! a wonderful life. i talked about my grandad. my gran. i heard about great grandparents who worked on farms (a great gran), a great grandfather who didn't die in the war.

is your freedom worth a minute of silence and respect to say thank you?

and they call it puppy love

last week, andrea and i took our seven (7) children for a stroll through hong kong park. when it was time to head home, we took the 37b, a double decker bus. of course, we sat on the top deck, telling the kids they could move anywhere on the bus they wanted as long as the bus was at a red light when they changed seats.

10 minutes into the ride home, adam took a window seat and while ashleigh and sebastian were quarrelling, adam said, "sela, come here." sela walked over to adam and sat in his lap. they each put their thumbs in their mouth and for the next 15 minutes, were still.

yesterday, at the boat club, chad and andrea gave us a ride home. (yes, we fit 10 people into their vehicle). the girls were clutching their little ponies and adam had brought along a carry on bag filled with toys and various other must have play items. he asked me to carry his bag, so he could hold sela's hand.

"i don't want her getting hurt in the car park, tess."

!!!!!

they held hands the 10 steps to the car.

and then in the lift, still holding hands sela kissed adam;s hand as the lift reached his floor. he stepped out and said to her, "sela, come pick me up at kennedy after school today, all right?"

to which my daughter replied, "okay".

!!!!!!!!!!!

AND THEN, AT HOME, WHEN I GENTLY BROACHED THE TOPIC WITH HER..

ie: "do you want to come to kennedy for pick up tomorrow?" all she did was SMILE.

SMILE!!!

smile.

i am so pleased with me. i get the tingles when i think of the efficiency of ME ME ME.

although the temperature dipping below 17 degrees is normally enough to send me into a tailspin of depression, i fought against my natural inclinations by celebrating the return of autumn with a sorting through (read: violently tossing out) the summer wardrobe and bringing out the packed away winter stuff.

those of you who note that these activities are done while charles is away are really quite observant and suspicious minded. true, charles believes we should be holding on to things for baby number #5 (ha!! ha ha hahahahahaha never going to happen) and hates throwing away stuff, but the real reason that i don't purge while he is around is that i would hope that we would be doing something interesting on a sunday if he were in town and woudn't stop bugging him until we were.

so…let me tell you what i did.

i started by cleaning the room. then i went through all the closets and drawers and threw away seasonal stuff that wouldn't make it until next summer. sebastian stuff that suits jasper's colouring and is still in great shape i put to one side. another pile was for icc in china (they take cold weather clothes) icm in the philippines takes warm weather clothes. also pulled out seasonal stuff, but kept a few pair of shorts in the drawers.

when that was done, i went through the "special interest light traffic" drawers in the wardrobes. threw out mismatching items, scrotty looking things, bathing suits.

(i am getting happier just recounting all this!)

then i pulled down two cardboard boxes which hold "too big" clothes and fought against sadness as i realised how much they had grown into their clothes by putting on FRIENDS while i folded and judged. put boxes back.

then i pulled out winter wardrobe and exchanged summer and winter items.

tidied up, and boom. DONE. FINITO.

i feel quite triumphant. it took a while, but the results are worth it.

i need a couple more hooks for winter coats (fleece and winter coats, plus sebastian's school fleece) but overall, i am SO on top of this.

 now i just need to go through the library and get rid of some books.

yay!

worth mentioning, it's not just charles' absence that makes me do this. i am also fighting off the fact that i can't do bootcamp or run for at least one week because i have ibts, my own fault for running downhill and mussing up my knee. have to keep busy.

very pleased with this room.