there was a time when pam and i didn’t speak a lot.

there were a few years there where due to location and lifestyle, youth and attitude, we saw each other maybe once a year. the silence was mainly my fault. oh, and we were both poor and calling was expensive.

we also lived pretty different lives.

i did not want to forgive my sister. my anger toward her and my teenaged angst take on how she had terribly altered my life was necessary for me to keep justifying my attitudes and a few of my choices. this continued on throughout my 20’s.

i didn’t take the time to put walk a mile in her moccasins, after all, she had chosen her path. and i, tess of the perfectness, had to suffer for it.

i was a narrow minded, unforgiving, snobbish, two-faced (there is your junior high word for the day) prig.

she was my excuse, for my bad choices, for my lifestyle. she was so convenient. and i was so conniving.

and thankfully, we both turned 30, and changes began.

a happier person, i was able to forgive her. actually, forgiving her was easy, i had already done that, i didn’t want to let go of my moral high ground. i liked being morally superior. i had so little self esteem that i needed to condemn her in order to feel better about myself, to make my errors in judgements seem a little less offensive.

miraculously, she forgave me. looking back, she had more to forgive. for pam had never deliberately hurt me. i had, on many occasions, deliberately set out to wound her.

no matter what, pam was always in my corner. i remember one day in grade seven, i was arguing with a fellow in my class and he said to me, "shut up you stupid epileptic." and i burst into tears and ran down the hallway to pam’s classroom. i had friends i could have run to, but i wanted her. i blubbed out what had happened, and she ran out of her class, down the hallway, and into my class and proceeded to beat the crap out of the offending boy. she got detention and probation for that. DETENTION!!! and she never mentioned it to me, knowing how i hated acknowledging my epilepsy.

that was pam. even with examples of her love littered throughout my life, my wounded pride was still greater. so many wasted years i could have reciprocated with my love.

thank you GOD for being able to change me, and for the gift of time, and the ability to spend time with my sister.

thank you PAM my wonderful, brave, selfless, funny, supportive, forgiving sister. thank you for coming to hong kong to help us all. saving me once again.