today the rain started pouring just as we were leaving the flat to catch the taxi that would take us to church.

mila and i cordoned off the triumverate underneath the carpark while sebastian and charles soaked themselves trying to flag us a taxi. after a few wet minutes, they hailed the taxi, jumped in and came back to the car park to pick us all up. mila sat up front with the driver, charles held jasper, i sat in the middle with one girl in each arm, and sebastian sat beside me. traffic was bad, and the run off from the umbrellas was dripping on to my much loved shell encrusted beige sandals, but we got to church in plenty of time.

mila took an umbrella and jasper, and ran up the 20 or so steps that lead to the entrance to the church, and then across the courtyard into the blessed building. i could have waited for charles, but decided to go for it. sporting my look of one girl per arm, i dashed up the steps, noting that my sandals were submerged in water, and as luck would have it, dale arrived with an umbrella. he had seen mila arrive, figured there would be more babies arriving, and came down to help out.

soon the triplets were in the creche along with denby’s twins (no, it’s not a multiples only creche, it just seemed like it), and charles, sebastian and i were saying hello, and oh it was so good to be back. all the people i wanted to hug were there.

then the bells rang, and it was time to enter the sanctuary. this last weekend, many of the church leaders gathered for a prayerful retreat. and my goodness, were the results of their closeness, petitions and requests to and of God reflected in the sermon, which i believe veered quite from the original path.

being a person who loves music but has a not so lovely voice, music often brings me to tears. classical music reminds me of my grandad, show tunes remind me of frugal blake, and today’s praise selections reminded me of God’s grace and His gifts to us. the joy of his blessings were reflected on the praise team’s faces, and it was electric. a short excellent message, communion, more powerufl meaningful songs.

and afterwards, we stepped into the rain , with the hugs of friends still pressing into my shoulders.

i was so happy and at peace.

not two minutes later, i was screaming at sebastian. he was unhappy because his father was sitting in the front of the taxi, and burst into unreasonable sobs and tears. all the love and joy i had felt gave way to the less glorifying of God version of tess. i (probably) overreacted…i wanted to feel this happy joyful glow all day long, and real life had intervened. and i snapped and shrewed down caine road until i distracted my unreasonable child by singing songs about sebastian riding in planes that i made up as the taxi metre ticked off the miles.

i don’t know what it is about singing and fretful souls. but it worked, on me and on sebastian, and i am grateful. i’m not proud of how i reacted to sebastian’s (infuriating, i have to emphasise how infuriating he was) actions, but what counts is that i got the better of MYSELF, and stopped the crying, and my anger.

it is almost 4pm, down to the playground we go.