today i did something i find myself doing quite often these days; i sorted through the babies clothes.

i have been quite ruthless in this task to date. i keep very little for the babies keepsake anne geddes boxes. cardigans trinie knitted for them, cards of prayer and encouragement, hospital tags, their first outfits,the birth announcement my parents had published, that sort of thing only. clothes are quickly given away with the instructions i don’t want to see them again, not even if they have sentimental value.

aww, this was the outfit carys wore the first time we went to church. remember how sweet she looked as she vomitted all over sela, the carpet and the hymnals? look, you can still see a little stain. i bet that was from the second really exorcist-inspired spew.

i can be the ruthless throwing away machine (just ask magnificent charles, who is, despite of his magnificence, a bit of a packrat) but in order for me to be at my optimum, here are a few rooting through children’s wardrobes guidelines:

have music playing. NOTHING sentimental. some endorphin pumping gym music is best. nothing that will make you look tenderly at the tyke sized clothes. music that will make you feel empowered and strong for making more room in the closets. for moving on with your life, if you will.

don’t hold clothes up to your child to see if they will fit. this will just make you sit down, cuddle child and lament at how they are growing. and suddenly as you realise how child has outgrown said outfit, you will see the outfit as precious and a tangible reminder that your babe was once that small. BE VERY CAREFUL.

discard when child is in another room, at school, asleep. if they are crawling in and out of the place, again you are going to get swept away by sentimental memories. RID YOURSELF OF CHILDREN TO ACHIEVE FULL RIDDING OF CLOTHES.

if you do get feelings of sentiment washing over you, then call someone and dwell in it for a few minutes. ideally, the person should be more sympathetic than you are, and have a child of their own older than yours. call them, explain what you are doing and how you cant believe they ever wore clothes this small, how big they are getting, you will never have your baby again…get it out of your system. and then they will gushingly respond, and you will have to listen about when they had to rid their own closets…and she will go on and on and on and on and soon you will be holding the phone away from your ear and be thinking, "get a life! they’re only clothes with carrot stains on them!" then you will take a deep breath, and say

"i knew you would understand, thank you so much! listen i better get back or i will never finish this."

hang up, and your purging will be more vehement than ever.

when the discarding is completed, tie the bag firmly, and put it somewhere where you cannot see it. preferably, have someone pick it up THAT AFTERNOON. if that can’t happen, a closet is where the clothes need to be.

for the remainder of martha stewart’s time in the clink, feel free to contact me with other household diva queries.