today sebastian had grommets put in his ears. poor little mite did not have a fun time.

as per orders, he ate his breakfast at home at 6am, and at 6.30 promptly we told him that no one, not mummy, daddy or sebastian would be drinking or eating until one hour after his ears had been fixed.

we got to the hospital and for the first bit, all was well. the hospital has a playroom and so we watched thomas the tank engine. every once and a while sebastian would get engrossed in a toy and wander off so i managed to get some good oscar viewing in. i think poor john stewart was okay as a mc, but not comfortable to really be himself. next year he will be much more confident and be throwing zingers left and right, i predict.

at 10.30am i had to change sebastian into his gown. given the open back, he didn’t want to take off his bobs, so knowing that he would probably wet them, i let him keep them on. comfort counts. they then rolled the bed and asked him to get on it, which he unwillingly did. then we rolled along. he was fine until we got to the operating theatre, but then they kept him rolling along while i got waylaid and a nurse gave me a hairnet, mask, shoe covers and gown to put on. i understood the need to, and asked that they stop pushing sebastian while i donned everything. and they didn’t. they turned a corner and pushed him into the theatre.

now, i remember how devastated i was the day i had my caesarean, when i looked up and realised magnificent was no longer in the room with me, so i can’t blame sebbie for screaming when he realised i had gone. so i rushed in, and he scrambled over to me. tears. mummy….

then the dr handed sebastian the gas mask. there was no way sebastian was going to willingly put that over his face, so i requested one for me and started blowing into it.

i have never really seen anyone go under with gas before, but having had anaesthetic the odd time or two i know that it is pretty instantaneous. (and i have to admit, i love going under. such a great feeling to sweep and curve into a deep, dreamless sleep where nothing is forboding.) but gas is different than an iv…and it took him ages. he was trying to thrash about and it was taking forever it seemed… i kept making eye contact and telling him i loved him and was so proud of him, and finally after one minute or so, the whites of his eyes were all i could see in his partically closed lids.

i was escorted out and stayed dressed up because i didn’t want to waste any time when they told me i could go and see sebastian. unfortunately, the nurse came to fetch me after he was already awake. ("he is very unhappy" she said.) i dashed down the hall, totally ignoring the surgeon who told me that the operation had gone "very well". i pushed my way into the operating theatre and

there was a large man lying naked on the table. he had a tattoo on his thigh.

oh! i gasped

"wah!" he screamed.

yank went my arm as the nurse pushed me toward the recovery area, where indeed, my son was confusedly crying. he had wet his bobs as i had known he would, and he was crying shrieky, wet sobs. poor little button.

you told me you would be here when i woke up! he wailed, tears dripping down on to the pillow.

he is naked now, because he also wet his gown? apparently the nurse forgot to put a towel over his privates while he was in recovery. but it is not funny, because he is so distressed. time for a mummy hug, a rub…and the huge effort to convince him that i can’t hold his hand but i can walk behind him and talk the entire time while we head back to the paediatric ward.

he is devastated in bed for a bit. the video the nurse brought was in chinese not english, and he tried to sleep but couldn’t, and finally he looked at me with tears coursing down his face and said, "i want to…i want to..i want to go home!" and the tears started afresh.

i love home!

i crawled up into bed with him and told him two of his favourite stories…"baby sebastian goes to hospital" and "baby sebastian rides the airplane". at the end of the stories (which conveniently ended with the end of the televised oscars…yay philip seymour hoffman!) he declared himself thirsty. it had been an hour so i asked the nurse if i could give him something to drink and eat. he wolfed down a sandwich (you can’t take peanut butter to school)…and some ribena and water, and by that time his cheeks were pink. the dr was meant to be in seb’s room at 12.30, and it was now 1.30. i asked if we could go to the playroom where we watched a bit of toy story and then seb met a little girl called lily and they played together until we could go home.

so the grommets are in. i have been looking to see if i can catch expressions of confusion or interest on sebastian’s face…i guess i am wondering if the test was effective. but so far everything seems status quo.

for now, i am sick of hospitals. grommets or not, do you hear me?