Author: charlestess

the other afternoon carys had a doctor’s appointment. this in itself is hardly surprising and blogworthy, however, coming home to an empty home was an entirely new experience for miss carys.

the rest of the family had headed down to a nearby playground to do some swinging and general degradation of their machinery. they weren’t at our playground. no problem for carys and i, who came upstairs.

i unlocked the door, we slid our feet from our "plip-plops" and then i walked into the flat and began doing my thing…immediately returning things to people’s rooms, putting phones in cradels, ah the excitement of it all. carys meanwhile, raced down the hallway, first checked her room, then the playroom, then my room, followed by the bathrooms, kitchen, backhallway and everywhere else she could think of.

she came back to me with a solemn pronounciation, "there are no people here, mummy."

there have been few times in her life that she has been alone in the flat, and i doubt she can ever remember any of them.

at first, carys was quite pleased with her ownership of the flat. she sat in my lap and i read her the books of her choice. prime view, prime material. she was chuffed. then the phone rang and it was charles, wondering how the appointment had gone so i let carys play while i talked with charles. i wandered around, got a little bit to eat and remembered that carys was in the flat. i found her in the playroom, reading some more, with a few dolls strewn around her. i let her be. how much chance for independent play does this girl really get?

cars zoomed by, pictures were drawn without anyone breaking her crayons or drawing on her masterpieces and i remembered how days with sebastian were, and how fewer dramas there are.

but carys, apparently forgot all this, because she came walking up to me at one point, 90 minutes after our homecoming and declared again. "there are no people here. i miss sela and my brothers."

even with all the additional heartache and stolen crayons, she missed her peeps.

the ever razor sharp joe in vegas ( i suspect he works in a CSI lab) playfully(?) repudiated me yesterday for participating in and propagating chain mail thingies.

mea cupla joe. however, in the spirit of lashing out, may i say that it is very difficult to leave a comment on your blog. so there. guess i told you.

but seriously, there are kids involved. it’s not about recipes, it’s about kids actually believing that they are going to get something in the mail because they (or more accurately, their parents) put something in the mail and that good things happen to good people. all too unwittingly i have burst that bubble in people’s lives, and i am not going to do it to a little morsel. so i have actually set the forces in motion to get the stickers going.

the high point of my day today was meeting nicky gumbel, the creator of the alpha series. he is in hong kong leading an international conference targeted at chinese people (not just in china), and there was a lunch held at the hong kong club. it was fantastic. the av equipment broke down, and so the lunch quickly became a q & a session and a discussion of how the chinese are going to soon be at a crossroads as they continue to become a superpower. i wished the lunch was longer and possibly it would have been if i had not devoured it so quickly. v. tasty fare. the salmon wasn’t drowning in sauce, there was just a drizzle, which made it perfect.

i will post a picture soon of the event – you can see mum and me looking like little groupies.

on the bright side, we’re going to shenzhen tomorrow. yay for us!!! even better, we’re driving most of the way with terri, known to sebastian as "olivia’s mum" and known to carys and jasper as, "tewwi".

i’ll post tomorrow, but in the meantime, if you wish, head over to charles’ blog and check out the pictures there. there is a duplicate post, scroll down there, but there is a killer post of jasper. chalres, you can remove the black line from shae’s face!!!

you will be happy to know that "today was a better today".

not coincidentally:

1) lita and de were back to work today

2) mum and i went shopping (correction, she shopped, i gave the occasional commentary)

3) i spent possibly three hours with my children today and enjoyed that little time impressively.

in the mail today sebastian received a personal letter. i was a little suspicious, only because last month, he received two similar letters from Friends. like the others, this letter contained a letter with his name printed on it, inviting him to join a sticker chain letter thingie. sort of like that recipe chain letter thing, except for the junior crowd. he has decorated the house with stickers already and is quite impressed. these stickers were very cool, although they were not superheroes, some of them were SCENTED!!!

when that recipe chain letter was going around, i never invited the same people to become involved twice. i found new friends to involve. so the question is, should i ask different kids to get involved this time around? sebastian doesn’t care, he just wants me to get moving. and of course i will because although i could live with not receiving new 36 recipes, i wouldn’t want to hurt a child’s feeling when they are expecting a letter to come through the mail. with stickers, at that.

so hubie, annie, adam, olivia, matthew, mac and ian….mainly because you have diligent mums who won’t let kids down….start looking in the mail soon. and galen…get ready…you’re getting some stickers.

WRITTEN BY MY MOTHER BECAUSE…

…i simply have no energy or desire to describe to y’all what a crap mother i can be, or how appalling my children are. obviously, we’re all headed for hell in a tired easter egg basket.

without further ado, may i re-introduce, my mum. (hero of day)

Today – Easter Monday – after Charles left for work and then the airport to fly to the States Tess and I prepared and took the foursome to Chung Hom Kok Beach. We took lunch, towels, water, lemon tea, suntan lotion, Jasper’s emergency asthma bag, camera and a change of clothes for everyone with us and at approximately 10:30a.m. we left with terribly excited children and hailed a taxi. Inspite of Jasper walking straight into the taxi door as I loaded bags in the front seat we five had an enjoyable drive out towards Stanley to the aforementioned beach.

There are 200 steps down to this beach and therefore, after doing the math, there are 200 steps back up at the end of a long, hot day with four tired children…. but I race ahead of myself. We truly had a grand day – the weather was perfect (inspite my checking Weather Network yesterday and seeing a dismal forecast); the beach is the same one the triplets had their birthday party at – beautiful; the lure of sun and sand and ocean kept all six of us happy as clams. Interesting learning experience for Mo as she took triplet after triplet up to the bathroom and learned the joy of helping a three year old go ‘poopers’ or ‘wee wee’ in a porcelain hole in the ground (at least it was porcelain). We left around 4-ish and at this point we were still enjoying life and all it had to offer.

We taxied home after praying for a one to appear after climbing the 200 steps and up a steep hill with me bringing up the rear with Jasper who doesn’t exactly ‘do’ anything energetic with much speed. We got home, Tess raced upstairs for her wallet and we then turned around and headed for a quick shop for groceries. Note to self – NEVER EVER TAKE FOUR TIRED CHILDREN SHOPPING IN THE LATE AFTERNOON. And it is here that I now take issue with the concept of helpers having a day off…. ever! The grocery shopping trip was so awful that we needed not only Lita and De who had had a much deserved four day weekend but we could have used the absentee father of Seb, Jasper, Sela and Carys who thought it was more important to fulfil work obligations and fly to the States than go to Park and Shop and be the third pair of hands and eyes!!

Never believe that miracles are not still happening in our modern day. We experienced them today – upon arrival at Park and Shop it was assessed that I would take Seb and Sela to the playground across the street while Tess shopped with JJ and Carys. Off we went in our two directions. Suddenly, Tess arrived with her two and left Carys with me as Carys suddenly wanted to play. Back she went with Jasper to shop. Within 45 seconds both girls announced they needed to go ‘wee wee’. Dilemma for Mo – what to do with Seb… pressure for a decision as both girls are now clutching themselves due to the dire need to find relief in a bathroom…. leave Seb at playground and take off with the girls……. but!! Carys becomes a raving animal because ‘Mama’ is not the one taking her to the bathroom. I finally fling the limp, screaming child onto my hip and clutch Sela’s hand and we cross the street and enter P and S.

Can’t find the bathroom; find Tess instead and deposit Sela with her and take the limp crying, snotty-nosed Carys with me and seek out an employee to show me where I might find a bathroom. Finally, the bathroom visit is done. Carys will now stay with her mother, Sela wants to go back to the playground, JJ will stay with Tess…. I head to the door with Sela and bump straight into Seb …. that means he crossed the road by himself…. he now has to go to the bathroom….. back to the loo…. and at this point I suggest we all just stay in the store and get the *(&*^%#$#@@ shopping done!!

With only one cart at this point all four are not contained – it gets surreal as the triplets are crying at the tops of their voices….. Tess called a halt, we circled the wagons and prayed. I got another cart and flung the two boys in and left Tess to handle the girls. We met in the produce, someone bumped someone else and Sela (who has the loudest crying voice of the four) fell apart and started to wail while I held her and stood in line as Tess took the other three and nabbed the few last items.

A lady appears at our side to advise Tess that Seb had headed outdoors and crossed the road to the playground, Tess goes after him as the triplets and I began unloading groceries onto the moving belt. As we bagged groceries I froze as JJ was now missing – found him OUTSIDE CRAWLING UNDER THE BARRIER OFF THE ROAD AND BACK ONTO THE SIDEWALK. Heart attack.

Came back into the grocery store and helped Carys as we all headed outside to hail a cab. Her attitude to her loving grandmother’s helping hand was abysmal – and Mo HAD HAD ENOUGH! I clipped her cute little back side and paid a big price! Carys proceeded to have a non-stop meltdown whilst wailing, "Mama, I need my Mama". White-knuckled I held onto the platinum blonde bombshell until a cab arrived, got the groceries in the cab with Tess using her foot to help JJ into the backseat – remember JJ rarely moves quickly and we now have an impatient bus right behind us, and we headed home with Carys still bellowing out "Mama, I need my Mama"….. I’ll Mama you!! Safely if not sanely we arrive home, vacate the cab whereupon:

Carys now has phase two of her meltdown – complete battle of the wills so I take 3/4 of the Caldwell children upstairs with the groceries while Tess and Carys have a meeting of the minds in the carpark. Bathtime with me "in charge" – I am drinking a Carlsberg by this point whilst washing children who are drenching me as their four little bods slip and slide in the tub. Dinner. And Praise the Lord – bedtime. The triplets were asleep within seconds of the light off, Tess has showered and disappeared to her bed and here I am tap tapping to you. Tess and I reasoned that at the end of the day there had been no deaths and figured we had done pretty well! OH MY GOODNESS!!

I cease and desist – a little food and then to bed!

Blessings to all,

day three – numb3rs

if the world’s fate depended on someone figuring out a formula and and adjusting the trajectory into a computer, you would not want me as the pencil and paper person. algebra is not my thing.

i am very good at figures, however. observe.

i can tell you right now that it is 29 hours until mo arrives to hong kong and 27.5 hours until we leave for the airport. what i cant tell you because time has apparently stopped and i am not good at algebra (if you were good at reading you would know that i had already written that) is the physical formula that dictates what makes my kids worse during school holidays. why no naps? they’re certainly running alot. today i made them run races before they could come into lunch. races in the rain.

enough about figures. i saw mine in the mirror the other day and was horrified. my tailor isn’t, but i am. do i look boxy? like megan mullaly during seasons 3-6 of will and grace?

there are three pieces of broccoli left on the table from lunch that i am trying to figure out what do do wtih. combine them, all cold and curled into dinner? (sela ate hers, 4 pieces – 1 piece = three pieces). do i give sela a chance to feel even more superior than she already does? but does she deserve credit for eating her vegetables?

1 crappy nappy is the result of the lunchtime nap. that piece of broccoli must have really raced through you, sela.

three days is how long carys has had dry knickers during nap time.

two genders that jasper no longer sees himself part of. last night as he was putting on a pair of my high heels he informed me that he was not a girl, and he was not a boy. and that girls don’t have willies and that boys don’t have willies. but that he did have a willie.

sebastian jumped into bed with me this morning, "just for five minutes mummy" and asked me to read him a book. i told him yes, but he would have to read every 10th word. every tenth word turned into every 28th, and an arguement. "i don’t want to, it is too hard" he would whinge.

it rained today, ruining what was supposed to be a glorious day at the beach.

it figures.

day one of 14

it is day one of spring break, and i am already pleading with the teachers downstairs to go back to work.

the kids are rotten.

today, the first day of spring break, the rain started to fall. the amount? in kidspeak: not sprinkling peas onto your plate of spaghetti drizzle, but maple syrup on pancakes rain. serious stuff. pouring down. complete with thunder and lightning.

and then they’re all wimpy, wah wah, we don’t want to play outside.

i thought you liked puddles? honestly, they change their mind all the time.

so inside they are. with their hot chocolate.

and then sebastian says grinning, "mummy, i am 80 years old."

and sela, who woke up acting like something sharp was sticking out of her bottom announces, "sebastian, you are not 80 years old." so they’re off on a verbally scintillating discussion that involves rising voices and AM SO! NO! a lot. they sound a lot like contestants defending each other infront of donald trump, except they are bringing me into it. and frankly, i don’t care. actually, i do. if he’s 80 years old, what on earth is he doing still living with me and is he paying rent?

carys meanwhile, had a triumphant day…i let her wear her knickers during nap time. not just any knickers, but dora ones. dora needs to stay dry, and so does boots, i told her. so no wees.

"what about swiper?" she asked eagerly. swiper is not featured on the knickers she was sporting, but what the heck. "of course, swiper needs to stay dry."

then carys got very worried, but in the video where they go around the world apparently all three of them are in the water, bla bla bla…just go to BED!

she woke up dry, but lita took her to the toilet, not me. and that was enough to make carys cry.

her post nap experience sounds like an existentialist first year college student’s poetry assignment.

hooray – i am dry

yet, i will cry.

jasper and sebastian (he manages to be everywhere these days) are discussing squatting rights over the cardboard box the groceries were delivered in. pull back and forth, squealing reaching fever pitch, and mummy, who hasn’t gone for a walk today and has a headache possibly caused by barometric pressure, says in a quick, tight voice,

"okaythat’sit-givemethebox – youcan’tsharesoiamtakingitaway. i warnedyou."

actually, i didn’t warn them. but in the past week i must have said something about sharing or squealing. i can justify this.

thank goodness my mother arrives thursday. she will look after them. the grandmother thing. she must.

oh here comes carys. should i close now or do you want to hear what the massive pounding issue is?

************************************* scintillating update ***********************************************

i never found out. i just put them into bed, gave drinks of water, cuddles, encouraged the 66.66 per cent that suck thumbs to pop their thumbs into their mouths, sang two songs, and turned off the lights.

they’re asleep already.

but they’ll wake up, for day 2.

act 2 scene 2 line 185

"parting is such sweet sorrow".

today annie called sebastian.

i recognised her little voice immediately.

"hello, this is annie, who is this please?" she asked.

"annie!" i gasped, thrilled to hear her sounding so well, and guilty that we hadn’t called annie and her brothers and annie’s parents since their move.

"sebastian annie is calling, come to the phone quickly!"

sebastian slid from his seat and ran to the phone. kids get used to phone body language so quickly. he eased himself into a chair i sit in all the time for phone conversations.

"hello annie, this is sebastian. where are you calling from?" (where do you THINK?)

the next two minutes were filled with banalities as each established that they go to school, that annie will come visit sebastian, that sebastian will come and visit annie "not this holidays but very very soon".

then the important stuff. annie informed sebastian that he and adam were still her boyfriends.

after that affirmation, he puffed out his chest and there was really little left to say. why prolong the conversation? seb said, "well allright annie, but don’t forget you’re going to marry me."

silence.

"good. do yo want to speak with my mum?"

and that was that.

LET"S TRY TO CONVINCE MAG CHAR TO POST PICTURES.

girls night out but in by 7.30pm

the other night charles and i decided it was time to divide and conquer the troops – he would take the boys for boys night out at the boat club, and i would take the girls out for dinner "anywhere but the boat club" in his words.

"you don’t have to worry about that," i replied.

i cornered my girlie whirlies and said, "ladies. dinner. where’d you like to go?"

"dan ryans!" shrieked my girls. i congratulated them on their good taste and was about to lay down the rules of no shrieking, smoking and giggling, when they scurried away to get organised for the evening.

apparently, date night with mum is just the same as date night with a boy. best dresses must be worn. the girls informed me they needed to wear their belle dresses. "fine" i responded, and then, getting into the spirit of things, offered to let them wear their black patent shoes.

"yes please" they said, exclamation points evident and the pitch in their voice hitting close to hysterical.

i marched out of the door wtih my two yellow beams of sunshine and they efficiently hailed me a taxi.  upon arriving at pacific place they thanked the driver and marched along, happily listening to their little heels tip tapping on the floors. they got excited by all the chrome and mirrors, and began jumping up and down. "dan ryans! dan ryans! eating chippies at dan ryans!" they piped loudly and merrily.

bored of jumping infront of a mirror, or possibly disconcerted with the people who were taking their picture with their mobile phones, the girls decided to run off. "HOLD HANDS!" i bellowed at them, and they did. i think the crowds thought that one girls name was dan and the other’s name was ryan.

between sprints and jumping on the spot, we managed to arrive at dan ryans on time. i offered to take the girls to the lavatory, but they declined. they knew a breadbasket was waiting. we were led to our seat, and just as everyone got buckled into their boosters, sela announced she had to do a wee.

"but i just asked you if you needed to go and you said NO!" i attempted to protest.

she didn’t say, "meh" but she appeared to be thinking it.

i ordered, quickly, and raced off to the lav with the gals.

sela did a wee, we washed hands (even carys) and then they decided to pengiun walk back to our booth.

and then after five minutes of quiet crayoning and me thinking that two kids is EASY, carys announced, "i need to wee."

unlock from boosters, race to washrooms, toss carys on the loo, wipe, wash hands. return to seat.

commence crayoning.

the bread basket was brought and my little carbo girls descended into it impressively.

and then the main meal. as it was arriving, sela announced that she had yet another trip to make to the bathroom.

i got her out of her seat and asked a passing waiter to watch her (she was ready to bolt to the bathroom) while i got carys unclipped. she gave me an odd look but i was busy getting carys ready for lav trip three. as i was swinging carys to freedom, the lady in the booth beside us says, "HEY!" and jerked her head. the waiter was leading sela to the bathroom! she must have thought i wanted her to take sela to do her poopers!

carys and i caught up and headed said we would take over.

the food got cold as we waited for sela, and then carys to perform.

hands washed, dried, return to table, eat food.

then we paid, made one more trip to the loo, and left.

given that there were now more people in the mall, the girls made an even greater spectacle as we were leaving, but they were being good, so what can i say? "don’t be 2/3 of triplets?" it was my fault for allowing the outlandish belle dresses, and they were so very very pleased wtih them.

then it was to odila’s house, where odila and joel gave the girl’s sweeties and treated them like honoured guests. joel put both girls on his lap and showed them pictures of Christmas and their birthday party and they were enchanted, pointing to "my dora" and various swimsuits. odila and i talked work and laughed.

and then it was time to head home.

i like the concept of "date" nights. but i think to achieve maximum one on one time with the child, there needs to be one parent and one child. magnificent (who was sick as a parrot at the end of his date night with the boys, they were no where as near as well behaved as the girls) and i are trying to figure out if we each take one child out and leave two at home, or what the correct formula is. and what to do???

however, whether we bonded or not and i suppose only the girls and their therapists will be able to tell in years to come, we did have a lot of fun the other night at girls night out.

are you ready to make a difference?

go over to tertia’s blog.

please read.

please make a donation.

$5 may not seem like a lot to you, but it will mean a home, added sanitation, comfort, and so much to harrison and his family. can you imagine after waiting for so long for a plot of land, and the sacrifice of building a home, to have strangers provide you indoor plumbing? wanting nothing in return? sure, there is the hope of winning the goodies, but folks, this is love for mankind in action.

still unsure if you can spare the $5?

let me do it for you, frugal blake style:

– bring a packet of instant hot chocolate to the office, add that to the coffee there, skip the starbucks mocha.

– buy no name brand groceries for one week instead of your usual brand names

– pick up all the loose change that has fallen around car park meters that people were too lazy to pick up

– go through your summer purse and get the loose change from there

if you still can’t afford to donate, forward the blog on to others, they will. if you can donate, still forward tertia’s blog on to others.

how can i be repayed for my donation and forwarding the blog on? in a few months i want to see another blog from tertia, this time featuring harrison and his family in their new home. i don’t need pictures of them using the facilities, thank you, but i want to see their faces as they settle into their new life.

thank you tertia for giving us this chance to make a difference in someone’s life. and thank you, as always, to your gorgeous ray coniff loving cohort boulder.

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES IS ONLY A TV SHOW

saturday morning the phone rang. i was just finishing reading a book with the kids and was not going to get up and answer it. lita picked up the phone, said a greeting, listened for a moment and gave the telephone to me.

the kids were swirling around me, but i gamely put the phone to my ear. would it be tara reporting what she had thought of dreamgirls? a distinct possibility. stephenie, a friend visiting from out of town? a little early to hear from her, but you never know.

"hello?" i said.

"….this is peter…." the voice was chinese, educated, definitely, with a lovely english accent. i could barely hear him though. "…don’t you remember me?"

"i’m sorry?" i moved a couple of feet away from the kids, who took advantage of the free use of the sofa to turn somersaults and demand i watch! while giggling and shrieking.

again. "..this is peter…"

peter…peter…chinese peter english accent…oh — what was the name of winnie’s new husband? was it him? no, he’s not peter. is there anyone in our alpha group named peter?

i felt like a csi thumbprint matching database. i was running scenarios through my mind wondering how i knew this person. and he wasn’t much help.

"this is peter…don’t you remember me?"

oh, the concept of saving face is so important in asia. deep breath.

"no, i am sorry, i don’t." thank goodness i have kids. "the kids are so loud, i can barely hear you…"

i am walking away from the kids, but i can still barely hear him and i notice that lita is following me which she NEVER does.

and then "peter" put his cards on the table. "well, tonight i could come over.." he started, just as lita moved infront of me and said factually, "he is a pervert". and peter continued telling me what he could do, and poor boy, although he had the  greeting "hello my name is peter do you remember me" bit down  from what must be the smash hit, IMPROVE YOUR ENGLISH THROUGH PERVY PHONE CALLS TO CAUCASIAN HOUSEWIVES, he obviously hasn’t had much practise on chapter two, "general anatomy".

any one who can make my bits rhyme with spatula needs help.

i handed the phone to charles, who looked at me oddly, said, "hello?" into the phone, and then looked into the receiver (as is our natural reflex) and said, predictably, "the person hung up". i explained what had happened, and magnificent said, "how did they get your number?"

i asked lita and she said when she picked up the receiver she didn’t get a greeting, she just got the "hello this is peter". Obviously IYETPPTCH does not include a chapter on introductions. i think i will get my published friend tertia to write a quick note to IYETPPTCH’s publishers suggesting that they do so.

possibly those happen when he comes over.

magnificent was much (overly) disconcerted. how did he get my number. he wasn’t impressed when i suggested i gave it to him. he accepted that possibly he got it from the phone book, in which we have been listed for the past decade. he was relieved to be told by lita and my good self that peter had not asked for me specifically. (possibly in future he will ask for "the lady of the house", just like any other salesman). he acknowledged that caldwell sounds like a typical caucasian name. he agreed there was no need for him to cancel his business trip, but i MUST inform him if pervy pete calls again.

no problem.

spatula !!!!