Author: charlestess

i was getting a little smug for a while there.

on the competitive mummy scale i didn’t have much going for me now. right after the babies came out of the hospital, no one asked me if they were meeting milestones and goals because frankly, we were just so awestruck that they were alive, no one had any expectations for them.

but time passed and my little fragile triumverate, urged on by sebastian, managed to pack on pounds. and they moved away from looking like gollum and more towards the newborn babies category.

but it was only in mid 2005 when people started asking "so are they a) sitting up b) eating solids c) sleeping through the night" etc. some of the questions were kind attempts to get insight as to how normal our lives (and babies) were, and others came from other mothers, who are used to putting their babies on milestone charts. (they didn’t mean to be competitive, and it is natural to compare to your own child.)

"but they’re over a year adjusted" someone said to me at their party, "shouldn’t they be doing …" etc.

and then i get to explain that the babies aren’t expected to meet the milestones of a june 1 baby. because they aren’t. it is going to take up to three years for these little pumpkin pies to meet the developmental milestones of kids their own age.

so i didn’t have a lot to boast about, and i have never been one of those mothers that in the middle of an event will call a halt to it and say, "oh look at what jasper/carys/sela is doing…" so everyone else can appreciate them and comment on their development.

but because i am human, i was very pleased to notice my babies didn’t cry over spilt milk. they didn’t cry when someone took their toy away, because they’re so used to it. no big deal, they would mosey along and find another.

that was until they became enchanted with the sparks that fly from the slide of erised (think harry potter). and thus, the THAT"S MINE has commenced.

someone lent my mum a littletykes slide, and the girls love climbing up it, precariously turning around at the top, and then if you are carys, sliding down and landing on your feet, and if you are sela, sliding down, landing on your bottom with a guuuuufffff, her nappy acting as a sort of rectal air bag.

the girls are loving the slide, and the push and shove and cry when the sibling claims more than 50 per cent of the slide, lifts a knee and starts climbing up it. the concept of turns hasn’t quite sunk in. i had been so proud of their sense of easy come easy go. it was my boasting thing.

i am shutting my mouth now, unless it is open as i implore my girls, "gentle darlings…remember to take turns…" as carys is slapping sela across the head and sela is giving a hip check to the wall.

of course, the next time my insecurity makes me open my mug and start boasting, it will come out something like this, "oh, my kids are definitely at the mine stage." ah. thank goodness for public relations.

had an annoying experience the other day, had typed up a review on what was going on and then CARYS (she who looks so innocent) silently approached me, stood up and pressed the control button and erased the message. i needed to walk away i was so angry.

nathan – my nephew got a job in yellowknife, moved up here and is currently living with my parents. he is almost 21. he loves curry and having lita at my parents place because her cooking is divine. he just moved to yellowknife from alberta. he works in graphic design. he is an easygoing fellow, but knows his own opinion. sebastian loves nathan, who makes time to play trains, teach him gameboy and other manly things.

yesterday nathan went to church. he hasn’t been going to the church where my mum worships, because there is another church with a far more active college and careers group. this was the second visit he made to this church, and for the second week in the row, NO ONE approached him. the first week he was there, nathan saw another fellow looking apprehensive and befriended him. yesterday, that fellow was the only person who spoke with nathan. there was also another person who nathan called and who spoke with him.

you know, i have a problem with that. since there is another person involved, we know it is not just nathan that the congregation is ignoring. why is it so hard to break into this group? shouldn’t churches encourage people to join? nathan will continue attending church, but what if he were someone else with a lesser faith? that would absolutely turn me off. since when can you have too many friends?

which brings me to another topic slightly related. forgiveness.

why is it easier to forgive someone who has hurt you, than it is to forgive someone who has hurt someone you love? henri nouwen has written a good book on the prodigal son, and comments very accurately that all of us are people who have been the prodigal, asking for forgiveness, the father, who is forgiving, and the brother, who is watching, and unwilling to give the forgiveness.

why can we forgive someone who hurts us, but wrestle over truly forgiving the person who has hurt someone we love? or…how can we forgive others, but not forgive ourselves?

splish splash i was taking a (cold) bath

10.30 tuesday through friday is an important time in our home.

we have started swimming lessons.

babies and sebastian.

and of course the babies need escorts because they are young and wimpy and their mindset seems to be if you want us to hang out in the frigid water you’re coming in and suffering as well. and believe me, we suffer.

the girls have four bathing suits. two bikinis and two malliotts, with ruffles, of course. identical. but for swimming lessons, they wear 1920 style elbow to knee bathing costumes. jasper and sebastian’s are blue with sharks on them, carys’ sports a hot pink one that has mermaids with gracefully floating hair, while sela’s is purple and white and has large flowers across the back and bodice.

around 9.45 we begin gathering up towels and suits, and change into our own swimming gear. we put the babies in their swimming nappies and a regular nappy just in case they have accidents on the way to the pool (as all three did monday). i prepare a snack for sebastian and the babies. at 10am we all look at the clock and get that cold icy feeling in our stomachs that is nothing to the cold icyness of the chlorinated water we know we will be in in one half of one hour.

at 10.10 we are out the door.

today it was spitting rain. what are the odds of that. yellowknife is technically a desert, but the rain has been sheeting down today. my parents have one umbrella. so my dad raced four times to the two vehicles, each time holding the umbrella over a female carrying a child. then he held them over us while we organised baby into the car seat, and then slid into our own seats. sebastian had his favourite "winniepoowellies" and so he wore those with his new nifty spidermain raincoat and was a happy chappy. why avoid the wet when you are preparing to get into the swimming pool, which is pretty much a wet place? talk to my dad. chivalry is not dead.

the city’s one public swimming pool is less than a five minute drive away (maybe five if you hit the one stoplight….welcome to yellowknife, population 16,000) and reverse the above paragraph.

we kick off shoes, tell sebastian he will walk with grandad into the boys changing room, and lita, mum and i disappear into the girls changing room, where we whip off the regular nappies, their outside clothes, our own outside clothes and carefully avoiding the showers, head out to the pool area.

sebastian and i chat until his teacher comes to collect him for his class. then they are off. sebastian is in the teddy bear silver class and i try to monitor his skill and progress, but it is hard, because i am in the water too. oh yes, procrastinate as i try, pulling out the "oh i don’t want to go into the water until i know my oldest is safely settled in his class", eventually i have to get into the water. sometimes above the crotch. the first day, the water temperature wasn’t so bad, but yesterday, i guess not enough kids had peed in the pool and warmed it up yet, because i was sure i could still see the thin veneer of ice pieces floating on top of the pool. regardless.

there are toys and the babies are meant to splash around with the toys and reach underwater for them and smack the surface of the water. but pretty much only one of the babies does. surprise, jasper. seriously. jasper, willingly participating in a sporting event that doesn’t offer food as an incentive.

he grins throughout the lesson. loves it.

the girls, possibly more sensitive and aware that the water is so cold the hair on their mother’s legs is standing straight out at attention, are not as enamoured. carys, loyal girl that she is, has been unhappy three days straight, while today sela really let loose and bellowed her displeasure.

but we float and pretend this is fun, and teeth chattering, clap when jasper slides by with a hand under his back, his head in the water. we lift the girls out of the water and watch their faces relax, and then tighten again when they hit the water.

i observe sebastian jumping or practising his kick, and i watch my dad watching all of us. that’s only when i am not watching the clock, which has those typical four hands that clock seconds, as typical swimming pool clocks do. they must be magic, because believe it or not, the time does pass quickly.

finally finally, it is time to get out of the water and we sprint (we ignore the no running rule, i am too cold to be a good example to the next generation), to the hottub. and we slide in, and suddenly life is and our bodies are warm again. the babies are grinning, and the instructor comes over and observes carys and sela floating on their fronts backs and fronts. no one wants to leave the pool.

babies (wimpy) aren’t meant to be in hottubs for very long, and my special babies resent this rule. they cry when we haul them out. the only reason we get out is peer pressure – the head lifeguard eyeballs the sign that talks about babies not being in the hot tub and stares significantly at us – i think we should hold the class in there. there are only five babies in the class, and since my three make up the majority, if we took a vote on it, it would pass. the kids definitely accomplish more in the warmth.

then we quickly change, and throw biscuits at the kids before they start crying too loudly. then we dash off home, hang up swimsuits and start with lunch.

it is 4.41pm, in less than 18.5 hours the next swimming lesson will be over. not sure we will sign up for the next class.

in my youthful optimism (now that is optimistic!) that the babies would sleep on the plane, i bought a little airport booklet called clear your clutter. kind of an oxymoron: buying a little chutchkla on how you need to throw out stuff. but i bought it anyway. i love clearing out clutter, any tips on how to make me a better thrower outer, or a booklet telling me i am throwing things out like a pro was welcome.

interestingly, about half the booklet was devoted to "people clutter".

people clutter – people who at one time were very important to you, probably during a set phase in your life, when you were very close, and now that the stage has passed, you maintain a sort of relationship, but you really have nothing in common anymore. the examples they listed:

new mothers who become friends simply because they have children the same age. five years on, when one kid is being home schooled and the other is in boarding prep school, the mothers have nothing to really talk about, they disapprove of much of what the other does, or worse, they find it boring, yet they still stay in touch, invite the other to parties, because the other was such a source of support during those first few tough months after baby was born.

the person you leaned on during a trauma. there are some people who are very good at listening. when you go through a divorce, you tend to lean on this person, talk through the devastation your life seemingly is, call them when you are feeling weak or have just had a painful encounter. how, five years on, you have moved on, and while you will always be grateful to that person, you really don’t have a lot in common with them. they remain encouraging and positive about your life, but you really don’t click with them.

should you remain friends with these people?

according to the booklet, NO. the booklet says it takes courage to clear your life of your people clutter. it frees you up for other relationships, it frees them up also. invite them to your once a year parties, but don’t reserve two places at your for ten dinner parties for them, when you could have a couple that you and your partner really enjoy, or want to know better.

this sounds great in a booklet. but can you really pull it off?

i suppose so. i’ve done it before: after a lunch, not calling them, and not surprisingly, them not calling me either. that’s a nice unspoken agreement clean. if we run into each other, we’re thrilled and it is a GOOD five minutes standing there and catching up because it is only five minutes instead of a painful 45minutes-2hour encounter, and because more time has elapsed. that is one of the guilt free clutter cleansings.

however, i think this is only possible if THEY are ready to clear their clutter as well. it is tough to say to a person, "yes, well i’ve moved on and i want to make time for other friends", particularly if you shared a tough time together. "sorry, you remind me of sad times."

i survey my RT and internet friends, and especially given that hong kong is so transient, i really don’t think that magnificent and i have any friends we’ve moved on from. i am happy to say we have people we have moved towards, but there is no one that we spend time with that i would rather not. there have been couples that we spent time with and then their priorities (they do a lot of rowing, they wanted to get together sunday mornings for hikes when we would be in church…)were different from ours. so i can say yes, i have been a thrower and i have been thrown, and it wasn’t tough at all. the booklet does have a point.

do you have friends that are more like obligations? would you want to clear them?

its been a while

since i posted. one ocean and about 18 hours on a plane.

the hong kong vancouver flight went as well as it could have. the babies each slept around six to seven hours, with little carys getting the best sleep of them all.

and i must say, my conniving attitude displayed itself brilliantly as the flight ended.

upon arriving to hong kong i learned very quickly that one person in the queue doesn’t mean that there is one person ahead of you. an umbrella could signify a whole family is waiting ahead of you. so, knowing the mentality, and given that this WAS a flight originating from hong kong, i did something that i wouldn’t have done in any other city or situation.

as soon as passengers were able to get off the plane, i RAN with a knapsack and a bag and a carry on down to immigration. i got in the lineup…and waited. i had told charles that i would be in the far left or far right lineup, and ten minutes and 200 or so people later, i saw them emerge from the escalator, and i started waving. so they headed towards me, and not more than 5 minutes later, we were all through immigration.

all good things must end, and in the luggage gathering process, the babies and sebastian had a meltdown. of the serious sort. carys even vomitted right beside the hertz rental outlet for emphasis.

that night we were at my gran’s, although charles and sebastian spent the night at a nearby hotel. the babies were good until 1.30, then they all woke up. we fed them bottles, and then they started thinking it was playtime. lita put sela to bed, and then i took jasper to bed with me. i had to pat him for one hour, but eventually he fell asleep. carys on the other hand, screamed for one hour before she retreated back to sleep.

seeing my gran with the babies would have done your heart good. she even lifted our massive jasper, who danced and was charming for her. the girls were sweet and we took some fun pictures of gran with her great grandchildren. i think she was particularly struck by the sight of me sitting on the floor feeding all three with one bowl and one spoon, the other two watching the one lucky recipient.

the drive to kelowna went well, it was only about five hours and the babies slept and were good travellers. it took a few nights for them to get settled, there were a few 4.30am nights indeed, but theyre all sorted out now.

we had a real food breakthrough this week…carys vomitted twice, sela zilch, and jasper once. and we were giving them spaghetti bolognaise, (thank you aunt carolyn!), scrambled egg, oatmeal…it has been incredible. their culinary ouevre has increased dramatically.

the flight today was a dream, or at least the first flight was. the second, sela and carys and sebastian were stellar, and i would rather not talk about jasper who sat and screamed on my lap for what seemed much longer than 90 minutes.

the cottage was great. not always warm, but a really good time. i love this country and it was great to spend canada day in my home and native land.

so we are here surrounded my parents and friends, and there is a great room for the babies to play in, and beds for everyone. and i will write SOON. there was no internet access at the cottage, so couldn’t do an update. it was creepy but nice being so far away from the internet.

all systems GO

hello this is your captain speaking.

captain my captain! shrieks jasper, raising his arms adoringly.

apparently all four children are flying today. jasper was given if not a clean bill of health, the okay to fly around 30 minutes ago.

mummy is wishing she could give herself a strong dose of benadryl and wake up on the other side. however, that is not to be.

this flight could go any way. we’ll let you know on the other side.

two girlfriends of mine have recently had guests staying with them. one of these friends was in a situation i found myself in last year, when my father in law and sisters in law came to stay with us.

what do you go when your guests have different agendas?

sister in law "a" had a terrible hong kong experience about 20 years ago. she stayed in a flea-bag pit motel, had terrible weather and found the pollution and streets teaming with swiftly moving or shuffling people overwhelming. but her love for the triumverate and master seb brought her to hong kong. we had a tacit agreement: NO CROWDS, WE WILL AVOID CROWDED AREAS.

my father in law, rather like my own father, frugal blake, loves hong kong and the shopping. he arrived a couple of days after "a" with, get ready for it, sil "b", who is pretty much game for anything.

we hiked twice, once on one of the outer islands, went to church and generally stayed away from the heavily populated areas, which not coindentally, is where the best shopping is found.

one day, we found ourselves near the one of hong kong’s most touristy shopping mecca’s – stanley market. FIL, sniffing out the deals said, "let’s go!" and started briskly heading to the bargains waiting to happen.

i looked at "a", and was torn. and then realised that this wasn’t my decision to make. i said, "i’m game if "a" is." she was of course, and not only did she get some good bargains, but she tried on a semi expensive jacket that looked so good on her that "b" bought it for her as a Christmas gift. definitely worth the compromise for her!

fortunately, when our guests were 180 degrees apart in where they wanted to be, they were family, so they could genteely duke it out amongst themselves and i could remove myself (and any responsibility) from the situation.

speaking of situations – today i took jasper to the doctor. what was meant to be a routine appointment lasted until 2pm, causing me to miss a lunch date, i might add. the long and short of it: jasper is on three medications with an ear infection and the dr doesn’t think that he is well enough to travel on thursday. we are hoping that the medications will begin to do their trick overnight and have another opinion tomorrow. the dr also feels that carys’ lungs are in danger, so she is on drugs as well, an oral steroid. she only has a chest infection.

charles and i are now trying to find flights that would let three or four of us leave next week. he thinks i should go to the okanagan, i say he should. as fond as his family is of me, they’d rather see him. ditto for sebastian.

so when do lita and i travel out with the soon to be healed sicklies? good question. flights are solidly booked. seriously solidly booked. it is going to take a lot of groundwork to get us on the flights. so we begin making our back up plans tonight, and pray that we won’t need them. come on drugs, do your stuff. i think it is going to be okay, i cannot comprehend unpacking shared suitcases and the endless standing in queues to book new flights…i believe it will be okay.

this is the plan

packing is going well. one small suitcase for the girls, one small suitcase for the boys. i have taped a list to the outside of each suitcase with a list of last minute items that will need to be placed in the cases the day we leave.

i have started packing meals. formula amounts inserted into the formula disc, weetabix for three, sebastian’s bran flakes, goldfish, teddy bears…all ready to go. bottles, sippy cups, utensils. and a list on the fridge of last minute items.

paperwork: copies of everyone’s birth certificates, passports, medical histories, next of kin, contacts, donor organ cards, notarised permission forms stating my parents have the right to travel with any of the triplets and to make medical decisions for them.

good point to those of you who commented about id papers for kids: sebastian has an incredibles wallet that we tied a long shoelace into, it hangs around his neck making my little man resemble an underage rapper. inside is his name, flight, flight time and our business cards, and money to call us in case the person doesn’t have a mobile phone.

tonight we are doing the phenergan trial run and that stuff really is the sword of damocles. jasper threw up all over himself and didn’t wake up. poor little man.

sela displayed a new trick today: when thwarted combined with tired, she throws herself down on the ground. typical limp limbs and wailing. i tried to give her sackcloth and ashes but she said the colour didn’t suit her complexion. this is a tantrum, right? when she did it, lita and i warned her to be careful of hurting her head, and then got up and walked out of the room. one minute later she was crawling towards us somewhat happier but still six o clock hurngry and tired tenuous.

carys. she’s happier. she had this nasty cough that half of hong kong (hong?) seems to be sporting. for the past couple of days there has been a lot of misery. but she is okay lah.

sorry mum, sebastian got a hair cut tonight and looks sweet.

and sorry, pam, tomorrow i am going to stanley to do some last minute shopping and to buy a new suitcase.

AND – happy father’s day magnificent. thank you kara for the poem, it was used in our sunday school presents to dad. i also gave him a cute t-shirt, a massage, dinner, and a few other items.

AND – last night i stayed up all night mainly because jasper was coughing…and in between sessions i managed to complete the rough draft of my second story. each story needs about 90 minutes of tweaking, but overall, i am a happy girl. this will be good.

time is running out, but we are so ready for this.

xo tess

sebastian put his budding artist skills to work today on the sofa covers. if you remember, about six months ago i replaced our sofa covers that had been vomitted on so many times that no matter how often they were washed, i couldn’t get the smell out or the pieces of upchuck out of the zipper.

he released his inner picasso all over the sofa covers with a blue ball point pen. i noticed the scribbling late in the afternoon and asked him about it. i asked him why, and he told me that someone had told him to. fair enough, i will discipline both of you, i informed sebastian and his invisible patron. at that point sebastian admitted no one had told him to. (surprise).

i told him i was proud of him for not lying, but it was time for discipline, because what he did was wrong. after a party, being denied dessert was not effective, so i got creative. he told me as he was going to bed that he wouldnt’ scribble on the sofa again, and i do believe him.

the triumverate all have these loose chesty coughs; and what concerns me most has little to do with what you might expect, you know, their already tenuous health, getting on a plane in a few days…no, i am concerned with the vomit. just hate that stuff.

you wouldn’t believe the packing that’s going on here. i have already packed carys, sela and jasper’s shared suitcase, and have shirts, shorts and pants left for sebastian. that is pretty easy, he wants to wear his incredibles costume on the plane and he has two spiderman costumes that he will wear out this summer. oh this is a good time. he wears a wife beater and bob’s to bed, so really, he is an easy packer.

magnificent has deemed (and he is good at stuff like this so i agree with him), that we need to fill one suitcase with three days worth of clothes for everyone, nappies, wipes, food, and this is the suitcase we will live out of until we reach our first destination. an excellent plan.

my carry on has been designated as THE distributor carry on. it contains three bags: one blue, one red, one purple. inside are five nappies, wipes, hand sanitiser, and a change of clothes. my bag also contains food for the plane. as well as extra nappies, but those are in a separate bag than the three coloured ones and will only be distributed as needed. there is a bag of medicine: phenergan, benadryl, teething gel, my anticonvulsants, cough medicine, augmentin and tylenol. my bag also contains the four kids enteratinment bags:

portable dvd, videos, colouring books, books, plastic jungle creatures, an etch a sketch, a notebook, markers (gee, now all we need is a sofa!) stickers, basically one new activity every hour.

and snacks for sebastian, i gave up expecting him to eat healthily on the flight a long time ago. goldfish, chocolate bears, apple juice, yakult, cheese and crackers, banana, sliced apple. for the babies i don’t really offer snacks, because the last thing i want is them to vomit unnecessarily. they will get their pureed moosh and fromage frais and they will enjoy it.

i would love to sneak vanity fair in there if possible, because i cling to this foolish hope that i can actually read it.

i have also done something i consider to be brilliant: i have written down on one piece of paper all the kids passport numbers and expirations, so that when the time comes to fill out that foolish form, i don’t have to find and open and shut all the passports. one piece of paper, thank you very much.

in the suitcases, we have several categories:

medical supplies, children extras (blankets, bibs, jackets), oh yes, my clothes, charles’ clothes, bottles, bowls, utensils, i tell you, we are taking heaps of stuff. and i have to arrange it and it seems so daunting.

oh and the photocopying, oy! i have to have all three kids medical reports with me just in case. and their birth certificates.

we are going to have a massive amount of stuff with us. however, we are paying about $8,oooUS for these tickets, and i think that buys a certain amount of luggage, doesn’t it? if only it paid for peace of mind.

choosing not to even get involved in the sanitary aspects to a thong debate, i’m moving on to our helpers.

people not in asia tend to have a funny reaction to the news that we have helpers. lots of domestic helpers are abused terribly, and don’t report it. some people judge us because we have helpers.

very few of those people are mothers with small children. these women ask about my helpers the way someone who has just had that gastro surgery that removes your stomach talks about a buffet. i cannot provide enough details.

tell me about how they clean

well, we have a schedule of how many times a week things should be done. there are some people in hong kong who arrive here and hire a helper and suddenly want the bed linen changed every day.

so they vacuum and dust?

sure.

and would they polish silver and wash the floors?

sure, if those floors didn’t get cleaned our floors wouldn’t be wood anymore, they would be vomit tiling by this stage.

and the laundry, tell me about the laundry

okay, well, they pick up the laundry from each of the baskets and do the laundry.

no no no, tell me how they sort it.

okay, um, they sort it.

and they go through the pockets?

well, yes.

they iron too, right?

we don’t have a lot of ironing, but yes, they do it.

and when you go out at night, do you have to pay them extra to stay in?

everyone is in bed by 7.30, so if we are going out we ask them to bring their friends over and they have a meal at our place.

right, but the mornings, what happens then?

well, it all depends on what time the babies wake up.

if they wake up early, will your helper take care of them for you?

if she was already awake, probably, but sometimes she doesn’t hear them.

but she would if you asked, right?

yes.

you can sleep in?

yes.

or go back to bed?

yes.

and they also cook for you?

yes, sometimes i like to cook for us, and you wouldn’t ask a helper to make you a plate of scrambled egg, but yes, they do help with sebastians meals and for dinner parties.

dinner parties?

well, lita used to work at the embassy and is a very good cook, and with her previous job she organised dinner parties for eight to 40 guests.

do they wash up at the end of the evening when youre knackered and just want to hit the bed?

i am sure they would if we asked, but charles and i do it.

the cook for you, they clean, they do laundry, they look after the babies so you can get out.

i know, we’re very lucky.

and how much does it cost you? tell me again.

not a lot.

no, how much exactly in american dollars.

okay, minimum wage is about $423.00 us per month. we pay over $550, and also include a food allowance and if they have had a long day we or helped out on their day off when magnificent has been out of town, we give them an extra holiday and extra money.

but you say you only have to give them two weeks holiday every two years?

yes, that’s the law. but with lita for example, we gave her two weeks off the first 10 months she was with us, she just came back from a two week holiday and after we return from canada, she will have another two weeks.

its just so amazing. you’re so lucky. there is no union, no one to say "no, you hired her as a nanny, she doesn’t have to clean the carpets", nothing.

so this isn’t the time to tell you they do windows too?