strange things are afoot at the o-k corral.
if i had paid more attention to geology class, i could compare what i am going through right now to a geological shift. from under the surface of tess, there is a state of being that i haven’t known for some time. i don’t have the right word for it, but it brings about contentment, peace and the ability to endure a bit more.
there are a few contributing factors:
1) charles won’t be travelling (excepting today and tomorrow) for a few weeks.
2) dad and pam had a good visit! my dad got to meet my friends, and see my life!
3) i am back at Bible Study
4) i was early for my appointment with the counsellor and we had a very.good.talk.
despite these events, it was a surprise to wake up and search my fecund mind and realise, i am waking up tired, again, but hello! what’s this…?
to describe it as a happiness isn’t accurate, to say that i was depressed before isnt exactly accurate either. i was OVER.
i was overwhelmed.
i was overtired.
i was overcompensating.
so now, despite psyche’s best efforts to make me feel bad about a good situation, ie: hell’s bells and spiders ankles, i must have been pretty submerged for a while there
i feel good. things that yesterday seemed wayyyyyyyyy overwhelming, that i have been procrastinating doing, are pretty much done. besides the basics (feeding 15 times, changing 15 nappies, getting dressed, taking pills, etc etc etc), i ticked off five things on my list today.
when the babies were in the hospital, accomplishing some tasts just seemed monumental. it’s been similar to that this past six weeks. but today i woke up and did them without drawing a deep breath with my hand laying on the phone before picking it up. people (i really mean me but could use the company) are so strange.
and its funny, circumstances haven’t really changed all that much around here. jasper is wheezing and wiping himself across the floor, carys still requires a midnight feed, sebastian’s speech problems are still tough to listen to, sela’s head still wobbles, i still have to lose 20 pounds, olivia the cat still meows all the time, the list does go on.
my world hasn’t changed since yesterday, but i have. this is very good news.
Reader interactions
7 Replies to “i’m hopefully over being over”
Hooray for you, Tessie!! You are a marvelous example to us all.
Much love to you, sweetheart.
M xox
T,
Since you are feeling better, how about taking my cold/flu from, me? I am so glad to hear that you are able to relax and enjoy this time.
While Jasper is drooling and making his way across the floor, throw some wax under him and kill 2 birds with one stone. Seb’s speech improved alot while Dad and I were there, so hang in ( once he starts talking 24/7 you will miss the days when he didnt talk, sort of like when I had laryngitis while visiting,, you and Dad enjoyed that quite a bit). Carys will outgrow her midnight feed as soon as she discovers ice-cream ( I am sending a box of Haggen Daas Maple Walnut over to her). Sela is definatley a d.i.t. and is practicing for when she is on the runway. As for Olives(Olivia) she is just reminding you that she is happy to see you all.
Have a great day!
Love you,
P
ps) Dad and I had a great time , he is still grinning about all the adventures, and how Miss Carrots and Peas looks like him.
I am glad that you are feeling better. I know it is difficult some times with two so I could only imagine with four babies. I hope you continue to feel like this.
My prayers are with you.
You do sound good, I suppose you look good too! Keep on keeping on! And doesn’t it feel good to talk to counselor?
YAY, this is good news indeed!
Overwhelmed, Tess? That has to be the understatement of your year! Look where you were this time last year, what you’ve been through in 2004, and it is no wonder that you were over-everythinged.
There was a time when I made lists, simply for the gratification it gave me to cross something off. *Tie shoes, check. Hair in pony tail, check. Lick envelopes, check.*
Then there came a time when seeing any list was enough to make me want to pull the covers over my head and emerge only after someone had taken mercy on me and had helped out…
Congratulations on moving on a bit from being *over* for everyone else, and putting yourself back on the list, and a bit higher on the list!
Hooray for you Tess!!! Even if this fog doesn’t stay lifted permanently (winter IS coming where I live) you can always look back and remember that you CAN feel good and things will reconcile themselves in you life!