is there an unwritten rule about inviting friends you met through friends over for dinner? IF you invite friends you met through friends for dinner and don’t invite the friends that introduced you in the first place … do the "catalyst couple" have a right to be angry?
i think the answer is i’m not sure.
one girlfriend holds a six year grudge because two people she introduced at one of her theme parties went on to become v. good buddies. "and they met because of me!" she cries whenever she hears that the two of them went on a holiday together or to the theatre.
obviously i ask for a reason. magnificent and i met a great couple through another friend of mine. we basically spent the entire party talking together. later on in the day, charles said what i had been thinking, "i would really like to see them again, we should have them for dinner."
the unsaid was hanging there. swaying like that giant spider we passed along bowen road yesterday.
"just the four of us?" i said, hopefully.
"yes".
"but how, charles? their last name is quite common."
"i remember where he works. i know people in that company, and i bet all you have to do is write his name with a dot between first and last name, then at then the company and i bet that’s his email."
"ooooh i lurrrve it when you are clever," (sound of smooch or two)
i suspect this friend would be upset if she knew we were planning on spending an evening with these people. i have no plans on telling her, because it falls under the category of NOYB.
but does she have a right to be upset? sometimes when i am flying across the ocean i miss big news stories. it is possible i missed ETIQUETTE’s millenium proclamation that you can’t invite friends you met through others unless the catalysts are invited as well.
why do i care.
Reader interactions
6 Replies to “it’s not like they were your ex-boyfriends…”
Very good question.
On one hand…you would not have met this couple without the catalyst friend(s), so there should be a measure of respect. But…how far do you take it? Should you tell your friend(s)your plans..if you take the NOYB stand and don’t and they find out, will they think that you were hiding it from them or shunning them? If you tell them and in your heart you know that they are upset, will you cancel dinner with the newbies?
Interesting dilema. As adults I am pretty sure that we do not have exclusive rights over eachothers company. If I remember correctly only small children on the play ground should be fighting over who there best friend(s)are for any given day!
Last thoughts…I would think it important to just make sure that your original friends (if good ones) do not feel that they are being replaced!
Always a pleasure Tess, take care!
I have to agree with Lori — we’re not on the playground anymore, we’re adults. The “I won’t be friends with you if you’re friends with him” rule doesn’t apply. By all means, invite them to dinner. Have a good time. Personally, I’d be glad that you met someone at my party that you’d like to get together with again. Oh, wait, I’d have to have a party for that to happen. LOL
I vote go for it! 🙂
Yes, I’d be happy that you liked my friends enough to hang out with them on your own. It sounds like your original friends threw a very successful party. Isn’t that what parties are for? Meeting new people?
We had this same problem. Met a great couple through mutual friends. Liked new couple more than old, but how to see them without offending?
Lucky for us the catalyst couple moved to the Arctic soon after, so we were free to fraternize at will with no fear of repercussions.
This solution probably won’t work for you though, I am thinking…
Ohhhhh! We are facing this very dilemma. Our new couple are the very close friends of a couple that we share (read steal!) a common babysitter with. Babysitter likes our little darlings more (and who wouldn’t??) and now their close friends have called for a dinner. Somehow I feel guilty! Their babysitter and now their friends?!? What’s next????
No dilemma, the couple in the middle were matchmakers, and should be proud that people they introduce get along well. That’s what parties are for, for friends to get to know other friends.
Don’t worry about it, call them. Somewhere along the line perhaps talk to the party giving person and thank them for introducing you.