about those aussies

there are many aussies in hong kong. i have met enough of them to know that the generalisations made about aussies are about as true as the generalisations made about, well, canadians. (or do i mean, aboot?)

aussies are apparently cheap. i know some very tight australians, yet one aussie friend had sebastian over for dinner and a bath every day for three weeks while charles was travelling and the babies were first home. another aussie family had sebastian over for dinner and a bath for five days while i was in the hospital. we didn’t ask either of these families to do this, they offered out of the kindness of their hearts. so being the recipient of such generosity makes me realise that the australians are cheap cliche is not true.

are there a lot of blonde aussies? yes, actually i do think that cliche is more accurate than some of the others. but then again, does nicole kidman count as a blonde or a redhead? but of most aussie couples i know, at least 50 per cent is blonde. and usually, it is pretty great hair.

food wise? they are the makers of tim tams, so they have great culinary tastes. muchos applause for that creation. they eat more lamb than most canadians do.

one thing i have noticed, is they can put a positive spin on most things. for example, the charming children’s song ring around the rosies, (in aussie speak is ring a ring a rosies) endearingly ends with everyone falling down, well, dead.

the aussies just couldn’t let that, well, lie. i learned this the other day while playing ring a ring a rosies on the playground with a bunch of kids who were collapsed on the ground. and then a mother started singing to the same tune,

the cows are in the meadow

they’re eating buttercups

a-tishoo! a-tishoo!

they all jump up.

it is a good way to get the kids up off their duffs so i am glad the verse exists. but then the second time you all fall down the optimistic aussies start again,

fishies in the water

fishies in the sea

they all jump up

with a one two three

which is a good thing because every single child i have ever given birth to, and all the other ones i know, are not content to sing ring just the one time.

are aussies like canadians? hard to say. many of them like to make fun of the canadian "accent" and a few feel free to speak disparagingly about canada, so possibly the canadians are more like the kiwi’s. or maybe lots of canadians do imitate the australian accent/lifestyle, and i just don’t know enough of them.

i am not listing a lot of traits – courage, integrity, humour, compassion….but that’s not to say australians don’t have them. i am lucky, i know some spectacular aussies, many of them live in my building and have become my close friends. and they do have those traits, and others. let’s not even get started on another aussie friend of mine, who understandably left her husband and then REFUSED to go back to him, although it would have been the easiest route to go. she trusted herself, her self worth, and is today a published author and mother. and another aussie friend, a hen i will call teresa….she has determination, courage and so much love. she sent me cd’s when i was in the hospital, she has not let sorrow stand in the way of her happiness. amazing women, amazing aussies. waltzing matilda’s.

australia/nz is on our list of places to visit. we want to visit both of these beautiful countries for a total of seven weeks, and we’re hoping to do it when we leave hong kong permanently. when will that be? good question. maybe we shouldn’t visit too soon….i have just learned that tim tams now come in tia maria flavour. who knows what other versions of the near perfection tim tam could be created in the coming years? enough to match the people, i hope.

NOTE NEW PHOTO ALBUM #9 IN THE SIDE BAR!

i have decided how to handle the carys situation. i will not withhold food when she does not use "her manners". as i hand over the food, or remove it from her i will use my own pleases and thank yous. but when she wants a toy, or a book, and isn’t willing to be polite for it, then i will not hand over the coveted item unless she requests it politely. i feel at peace about this decision, which is a sure sign i am doing the right thing.

something funny happened to sebastian today….i’m not sure if i have mentioned that he really gets his kicks "playing school" at home. we put the stuffed animals in a circle, and he pulls over a chair and sits on it, with a notebook, pen and glass of water on the table beside him.

why?

because im the teatsah

of course he is. playing school is his favourite game, as the teatsah he leads the good morning song, greets the students, gets to tick their names off in the "wegistah" and can ask them not only about the weather report and date, but what their plans are during play times. and he gets to ring the gong that signifies the end of open play.

after playing this game at home for close to a month, i opened sebastian’s diary today and read that he played the game at school. apparently 10 kids and his teatsah, michelle, played the game and sebastian loved being the teatsah. michelle said it was uncanny how he copies her gestures and language…saying "okay" at the end of register, putting on his name badge exactly as michelle puts hers on.

and lastly, listening to jasper would make you grin. he loves singing row row row your boat, and the second verse gets sung about 99 per cent of the time. until i moved to hong kong i was unaware of this second verse, but here it is…

row row row your boat

gently down the stream

and if you see a crocodile

don’t forget to scream

aaahhhhh!

you cannot be guaranteed jasper participation in the singing (although he does like it), but he gives the most dandy shriek upon the crococile sightings. he is delighted after emitting the scream, dances around a little and laughs. very very funny. when did they get discerning and funny?

it has begun

carys did not eat her lunch today.

indeed, she was hungry, but she refused to say "ta", "please" or "thank you" when offered her meal.

i know she is capable of saying all three. i have heard her use all three expressions.

but today she chose not to.

the battle of the wills has commenced.

i know i will win. in a few ways, i almost feel sorry for little lulu. i am more stubborn than she is. i will last longer than she does. but then i wonder…is this a battle worth fighting?

she was removed from the table after she started throwing a tantrum. jasper and cee cee were eating placidly away, and every time i approached carys and asked her to say "please" (or thank you), sela would automatically use the expression, even if her mouth was full at the time. carys has seen her sister be rewarded for using those same phrases she refuses, maybe she just needs a little more time than pavlov’s dog.

after a while, it became evident that carys was not going to use a pleasantry. i was left with two options. suck it up or give in. i chose to suck it up. she obviously wasn’t that hungry. i debated putting her straight to bed, but shayna suggested that since the others weren’t going to bed, not to send her in either, and also, that i not confuse the issue…that the RESULT of the CHOICE carys made by not saying thank you, was not receiving food.

in case you are thinking i am terrible, (and mum, even before you asked if i was sure carys wasn’t having a diabetic attack in her room from her low blood sugar, i knew i wouldn’t be in your good books…), know that i am not expecting manners from all siblings because sela is a tiny robot. not true. i have heard them say please and thank you, and i know they can. they are choosing to disobey my request. choices have ramifications.

carys is some stubborn little girl. and i am grateful, because stubborn kids need stubborn parents, and voila! i fit that description. how lucky is she? and i would rather her learn now, over something as trite as dinner, than years from now, over a potentially disasterous decision, that there are choices for our actions.

but is this a battle worth fighting? you have to choose your arguments, and i am not sure this is the one to take on. will it be a case of i just have to get her to say please or thank you or ta or whatever once, and then she would be a bruised, repentant always polite person? i am so glad that God has been listening to my prayers to be a better parent, because i cannot do this alone.

i am glad carys is stubborn. that unwillingness to stop fighting saved my much loved little girl’s life. she is an opponent worthy of my mettle. and if i do take her on, no doubt about it, i will win. i’m just not sure yet that i will.

how do i feel about that?

with four children,one event can rarely bring about just one emotion.

today, a friend brought over some duplicates of pictures she had taken of the babies when they were younger. truly heartbreaking stuff. i will try and post the pictures later.

sela is going through a baby phase. she can stand at the computer and stare at our slide show, repeating "baby, baby, baby" every time the photo changes. there is this unique little smile on her face, which makes me wonder if she recognises the babies, or if i am just being whimsical.

i showed her an old picture of sebastian. she said, "baby" and because she could, she reached over to kiss the photo. did anyone hear that crack? or did you hear the rip similar to a needle being torn off a gramaphone that was my irritation when sebastian pulled the photo away and said, "sela, i am not a baby. i am a big boy!"

sentimental, irritated, torn between congratulating sela for loving and caring and disciplining sebastian…oh do i need to multitask better because i simply couldn’t find a way to do all those things and ended up feeling tormented.

today’s next example…i had three deadlines today. i have been working like a tiny tornado to get them done. i have no husband, he is in shanghai right now. i am spending way lots of time at the computer, and my children collect around me. last night when sebastian brought me a new book to read "rumble in the jungle", instead of lingering on the rhyming bits, which i know i am meant to, i just rushed through it so i could get back to work. while i am thrilled at how he is learning, the connections he is making, i just rush through it.

and the last example of my conflicting emotions…today was sebastian’s last drama class. and unbeknownst to me, his class gave a dramatic recital. i was not there. i was at home at the computer. how bad do i feel? let’s look at this further.

i chose to be a stay at home mum so that i could be there at the kids events. therefore, i feel self hatred and anger for not being there.

but then again…this is the first such event i have missed, AND i know that in previous situations where i have attended recitals or singing, sebastian has misbehaved. go back to the Christmas pageant if you have forgotten. but today, i wasn’t there and he was FANTASTIC apparently. so yay for that.

but still….i wish i had been there.

i did get my stories done, though.

last night i went out for dinner with some friends. we were at this new restaurant, havana. i’m not sure i have mentioned but when i worked at the hong kong standard, i reviewed hotel restaurants. i miss that aspect of the job, and since you might be getting tired of reading about the triumverate…here is a review of HAVANA.

it is an internal battle to appreciate good food when it is delivered by appalling waitstaff. possibly it takes a stronger person than i. repetitious questions regarding drinks, or being ignored in other areas. as well, by 10pm, there were people standing right behind us, as the bar crowd kept expanding. i do not appreciate the expanding bar crowd aspect, especially since the restaurant doesn’t convert into a bar as the evening progresses. i mean, how irritating is it, to have a stranger draping their copious hip or poison-scented hand on your chair, about two inches from your nose. eventually i had to move my chair…accidentally on purpose.

the gypsy kings have to be the musical equivalent to meryl streep. they’re every minority. mexican, puerto rican, cuban, spanish, inner city, panamanian, costa rican, nicaraguan, belize-ian, any central or latin american restaurant you walk into, you know the chances are very good you will be listening to the gypsy kings at some point throughout the evening.

i ordered the curried spring rolls to start, and they were very nice. i tend to prefer vegetarian spring rolls, but these were shrimp, and they were fantastic. unfortunately, my second course did not arrive. i had ordered scallops, and i guess because i ordered two appetisers, that got our waitstaff confused, and so they didn’t bring them. finally, i told the server to cancel my order. i am not sure she did, because a fresh plate of scallops appeared, and my neighbour had to eat them.

a couple of other people had bad experiences at our table, so they comped the coffee and dessert. i had some rum and raisin cake for my dessert. except for it didn’t have any raisins. and it was paired with banana ice cream. i thought that was an interesting combination. the other dessert choice was pineapple and apple crumble. i did not know either of these were considered cuban desserts. the crumble was dry and sadly, without oatmeal. quite dry, apparently. the cake was good, lacking an icing of any sort, and leaning toward the dry side.

toward the end of the evening, magnificent marched in. he was double parked so i left a few minutes later. i don’t know if i will go back to that restaurant. it is located in an area of hong kong that is packed wtih great restuarants. we return to a few favourites where we get great food consistently, but in general, if you fail the first try, you’re out. we’ll call this the cuban misinformation crisis. we’ll probably go back, but not on a weekend.

not good nepotism

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY ZALI!!! TUESDAY WAS THE DAY!

friday is playgroup day. lita and i take all three bambini to the PPA, parent playgroup association. there is a huge playroom, a smaller room filled with kid sized play kitchen equipment, tables with art and crafts on them, and an outside area with sand pits, water tanks, and ride on toys. my children love the PPA. fact.

of course, we’re not the only people there. and i am beginning to learn that my children treat other children differently than they treat their own siblings. thankfully, they treat them a fair sight nicer.

today sela was eyeing this one little boy who was holding a sponge bob square pants book she was coveting. she was shifting from one foot to another, watching him with this book, her hands wringing a la lady macbeth. when he finally put it down, carys dashed over to the book and scooped it up, much to her sister’s disgust. you would have thought that sela would go back to the shifting and sliding around, but with the book firmly in the paws of someone she has no issues about pummelling, she reached out and grabbed the book. carys responded by pushing her older sister. and mummy had to step in and return to the book to carys. sela got over her pique to participate in the circle time singing, but it was touch and go for a while there.

the "i hit you" hilarity continued on the way home. in the taxi, jasper, exhausted from his exemplary efforts during snack time, fell asleep in my arms. (car seats are not mandatory in hong kong). carys however, was alert and unhappy. a flashback to this morning, when she woke up and was so unhappy at the breakfast she was being served (weetabix) that she hit her dad and received a time out for her efforts. she sat on the sofa and screamed until she realised that no one was paying attention to her anymore.

in the taxi, carys decided that hitting sela would be fun. sela had other thoughts. i made each girl give me a "gentle touch", where they stroke my arm or face gently, as a reminder as to what a "gentle touch" is. then as they started sliding into each other, pushing each other, pinching etc, i decided separating them was my best course of action. jasper and i slid into the middle of the seat, and i put sela next to us.

she was chuffed at the thought of being so near a door, and so i basically had to hold her arm the rest of the way home. when we got home, sela took my encouragement to "use her words" and said, "choclate thak uu"…. which is apparently twice as good as a regular thank you. jasper then started singing a la Old Mc Donald…"E I E I O" and carys started crying. a good nap put her to rights.

deja flu

the reality of avian flu is upon us.

today i went to an agm of an organisation i am chairperson of. just about the only item that needed attention was the creation of an ACTION PLAN FOR AVIAN FLU. we need to determine if anyone will be reimbursed if we temporarily close before or after bird flu hits. i need to write a letter to all members explaining our policy.

i get home and learn that magnificent charles last week was assigned to create a bird flu scenario for the asia pacific region, together with a few people in california.

i see people i know, people i respect, who have hoarded one month’s worth of water and rice and other non perishable food items in their flat, because they believe bird flu will be running rampant through the city and the supermarkets. some parents have been to see their children’s teachers to discuss lesson plans for when the schools are closed.

it doesn’t seem so long ago that we were singing the SARS song, and businesses were closed and people were exodusing the city. except for bird flu has greater potential to mutate, and harm people. and unlike SARS, no where is safe. canada will get hit with the migratory bird pattern, if not from person to person contact from someone off an airplane, apparently.

the news has been pretty quiet with bird flu reports and updates for the past couple of days. but they’re all pointing towards WHEN it hits, not IF. and no where seems to be immune, and no drug seems to be effective from this constantly mutating disease.

we’re playing wait and see, and we don’t know how long we will be waiting for. magnificent and i need to figure out a game plan. from what i have read, once the flu is spread by personal contact, the recommendations will be containing yourself inside until the quarantine has passed.

my children are outside at least twice a day, for a minimum of 90 minutes per session. most assuredly, they would not be impressed if their outside visits were revoked. reasoning with them would not be effective either.

i am scared of this flu for so many reasons. call me flighty, but barracading my children indoors is one of those reasons why.

sars wasn’t so long ago. but that was another disease, another handwash, another drug.

any advice is welcome.

after our computer has stood idle for five minutes, a slideshow featuring family photos comes flashing on the screen.

sela is obsessed with this slideshow. any chance she cans, she runs to the computer, looks at the computer and shouts, BABY!

it is a rather accurate yell, as 60 per cent of the pictures are baby shots of all four.

sela thinks these photos are magic. baby! BABY! BaBy!

jasper and carys aren’t as interested in the photos, although sebastian likes identifying "little baby sebastian" whenever he sees his face pop up on the screen.

it is mid november, and those cities located above the equator are meant to be getting chilly.

NOT SO.

for the past week it has been 30 above. hot hot hot. the top’s of my children’s heads are sweaty and they have little rashes everywhere. i know that come february it will be freezing cold (about 12 degrees) and so i am going to enjoy this heat wave while i can. i even walked into town today.

more soon, right now must work. deadlines looming.

just do it

discipline has entered the triumverate’s echelon.

annoyingly, but understandably, each child has a form of discipline that they respond best to.

how well do you know them?

WHEN IN NEED OF DISCIPLINING and MAKING A POINT THAT THEY NEED TO SHAPE UP…

1) jasper best responds to

2) sela best responds to

3) carys best responds to

a) being removed from the scene

b) having the item removed from them

c) being told NO! in a rather stern voice

it’s jasper’s turn to feel the imprint of mum’s thumb on his head. he becomes an unreasonable wailer at times. today at lunch i was smart enough to figure out that he was screaming because he had reached the end of his little tether, and i just put him to bed without lunch. two minutes after placing him in bed, he was asleep. but exhaustion is not always the culprint…and jasper needs to learn that screaming will not get him picked up or immediate attention.

sela, she of the iron lungs and angry cries, was the first to try the screaming for attention scheme.  we managed to train her out of it, and now she is realising that she gets a lot more, a lot faster, by being charming. she’s blowing kisses, saying peas and fank you, grinning and generally licking up in a fashion that makes me wonder if politics are in her future. but it is effective.

carys still gets her own way by practicing her effective, don’t ask, just do. sort of the nike slogan for delinquents.  quietly quietly, she will slip a toy off a shelf, open a door that she knows it meant to be shut, pull a tail attached to a cat. if she wants something that requires adult intervention, she is a genius at just appearing plucking at your pants or tugging your hand, and looking at the desired item inquistively with her glistening blue eyes. of the three, she needs the most prompting to say please and thank you, but when she does, it comes out in a hoarse whisper.

sebastian, sela and carys have each thrown about three tantrums in their lives, so now that jasper is getting to the unreasonable throw yourself down on the floor stage, i am ready for it. i feel so much more prepared to handle bedtimes and tantrums and teaching manners than other things like teaching to respect feelings. repetition is monotonous and tiring, but it does not require skill.  tess=tired, check. can say the same thing over and over again, check. has little skill? check.

hence, i find myself qualified.

easy rider

during hong kong’s heavy humid days, even perenially freezing people (yes, yes, the thyroid thing, i will get it checked out soon), break into a sweat just seconds after walking outdoors. when walking in to meet an interviewee for the first time, the sweat circles under the pits, itchy hose, smeared makeup and wet nape of neck is, surprise, not a good look muriel.

in order to prevent their citizens from arriving at the office all sweaty and unattractive (and possibly, horrors! unable to work!), and also to ease congestion of the streets, in 1993, the hong kong government unveiled the central-midlevels escalators, the longest outdoor covered escalator system in the world.

central is one of the main business districts in hong kong, and if you don’t work in central, you can catch the subway, tram, a regular double decker bus or a 16 seater mini bus to take you to your office in a matter of minutes. midlevels is a residential district that sits pretty much right on top of central. people love living in mid-levels for its convenience to the action. hong kong is all about location location locaiton, and midlevels is pretty much as good as it gets. having a covered escalator system ferry you up and down the steep hills was just an added bonus.

the whole escalator system is 800 m long, and the vertical climb is 135 m. if you were to stand still while riding the escalators the entire ride would take 20 minutes, but come on, this is hong kong, people are usually walking while the system moves to shorten the travel time. due to its vertical climb, the same distance is equivalent to several miles of zigzagging roads if travelled by car. the operation  consists of 20 escalators and three moving sidewalks. the daily traffic exceeds 45,000 people and on wednesdays, 45,001 people, as i usually hop on at some point through out the day.

the escalators downhill beginning at 6am to 10am, basically to take residents of the midlevels area to work. why walk or taxi when you can basically sit and be carried down to the main business district in a covered atmosphere?  by 10am, if you’re not at work, tough congee, kittens, because the escalators stop at 10.00am for half an hour, and then start moving uphill (because that’s the really hard work, chugging uphill), from 10am until midnight. needless to say, the pubs and even the truly appalling restaurants along the escalators do a roaring business.

when magnificent and i lived in midlevels (we have lived in that area twice, once in 1996-1997, and again in 1999-2001, moving is very common in hong kong!) the escalators were part of our daily lives. although they start on commercial des voeux road central and end on residential conduit road, the escalators are smushed along side shops, a temple, many restaurants, a fitness centre, and many residential blocks.

in one of those blocks, right near the top, lives a fellow who works from home. i used to see him every day. he had a white cat, who sat on a pillow beside his laptop, or in the next room, on the windowsill.

i looked forward to seeing this cat and man, they were as much a part of my daily encounters as the garbage lady, and the man who walked up and down our street yelling that he was available to sharpen our knives. i would lug bags of fresh fruit from the wet market located underneath the escalators, and would just dump my bags and stand there, think about something else, like not being fertile and how i was going to solve that particular little problem. and i would only look up when we came to his flat, and kitten was there. or not. this was before SUDUKO, whether the cat would be there or not was my daily mental exercise.

when we moved to pokfulam, (pokfulam is closer to a suburb, is much greener, a much more residential area than central. some people find it inconvenient, not having a 7-11/park n’shop within a five minute walk, but for the extra space between blocks and the greenery, we’ll gladly take it), i pretty much stopped seeing the little SAHWorker and his cat. i wondered if he missed magnificent and me, or even if he had noticed us. he was part of our world, were we part of his?

linked lives. the escalators are just another reason of why i love hong kong. it is such an unique, fascinating, exciting city.