WARNING: Dad, i know you read my blog and it is great that you support me, but please do not read this. i love you, hence the warning.
there has never been a time in my life i was happy to get my period. not in september of grade seven, and definitely not this morning.
i started going off judy blume when i read ‘are you there God, it’s me margaret.’ what sort of person would want to get their period? i assumed that it was an united states girl thing. one of the ways canadians are different to southern north americans. there was no internet in those days and i lived closer to the north pole than to the united states, so i had no way of finding out.
there has never been a time in my life when i looked at my knickers, saw that my cycle had started and exclaimed, “WHEW!! i’m not pregnant!” when you are trying to conceive, your period is the red badge of discouragement. it is devastating. a HPT telling you you are NOT PREGNANT is one thing, but when youd body does, it is a cruel betrayal.
even today, when my cycle arrived with its usual unreliable choice of day, i felt disappointed. not because the winter prom which is being held in the gym and i have been asked by the captian of the football team to be his date is next week and i didnt want to be bloated and carrying tampons around in my purse, but because my period is the present reminder of my infertility. who can’t get pregnant? TESS!!!!
(that tess does not want to get pregnant any more, is not relevant.)
i hate pads, and i hate tampons too. i hate jumping into my greying nubby period knickers.
pads are unreliable and shift about, and tampons hurt. please, don’t advise me to buy the “teen slim” tampons, because then i would be changing them every 18 minutes. that would hurt too.
during my testing the fates stage, when i had a hot thong friendly body, when i was expecting my period, but hoping against hope and several negative HPTS (that i had fished out of the garbage hours after taking them just in case a late positive second line was showing) that i was pregnant, i would wear my finest undergarments. victoria’s secret, and the agent provocateurs i had picked up in london. you wouldn’t let me get my period while wearing these!!!
but even then i knew the inevitable was en route. i would wear one of those thong pantiliners. can i say right now that those liners have not been tested correctly. they have an unerring ability NOT to stick to the aforementioned thong, and to attach themselves leech like to anything they can land on. they are flypaper. save yourself money, ladies, don’t get a brazilian wax, wearing thong pantiliners is the perfect diy.
i am not wearing a sweater wrapped around my waist, but i can guarantee you that after i stand up, and before i turn out the light, i will check the chair.
and then, if necessary, my trousers.
so, i leave you with these happy thoughts, because i have to go now. don’t i have horses to ride, gymnastics competitions to win, and swimming to do? dancing closely with a hot man while wearing a white miniskirt and smiling knowingly?
see you.
Reader interactions
8 Replies to “bloody monday”
YUP, I hate my period, it’s a reminder, that nope your not pregnant again! So go to a clinic and get fertilized in a cold way and let the neighbor who smokes crack get preggers OOPS by accident! ARRRGGGHHHH
Tess your lovely and i love the way you put things darling…….
Have a great week………Me I’m off to the clinic tomorrow for b/w and u/s, yup a lovely reminder..:)
Only YOU Tess could talk about periods so wonderfully. You have just described what so many of us are thinking in our crazy little heads… 🙂 And yes…..those people who designed the thong pantyliners OBVIOSLY never took a test run with ’em before they threw ’em out on the market!!
I HATE PERIODS. I’ve accepted that fact — well…kind of accepted the fact — that we’ll never conceive on our own. And even when it’s not really on my mind….my period pops in and reminds me….and I HATE IT!! 🙂
I love you!
me TOO – hated “are you there God, it’s me margaret” couldn’t see what good having a period would bring. well, there was something cool about having the book in my posession, but not the impending, dreaded period. nothing womanly desired by me, in fact, during college, I’d just skip the week off the pill, and continue on, not having periods for months at a time. what bliss that was!!!
then, cut to this past summer….
scene: me bitching to best girlfriend from high school about getting period AGAIN during this past summer.
her: umm, aren’t you on the pill?
me: yep, for cycle regulation to start IVF again
her: umm, aren’t you on pelvic rest from last surgery?
me: yep, why?
her: umm, isn’t your hubby working 1000 miles away?
me: so, what’s your point?
her: I think I know why you why you got your period and why you aren’t pregnant….
brilliant, eh? maybe that was my problem all along? to think of all the $ I’ve spent with my RE, when all I needed was my BF input..
🙂
heh heh, funny shit right there.
Well I am so useless i dont even get my periods!!!! Now how useless is that!
Well yes, Tertia, that does seem a bit useless when ttc. Just think of the joy, though, that you’ll have knowing that whilst you are walking around enjoying a blissful periodless day, that on that very same day, I’ll likely be slogging off to the market to buy a case of super plus tampons, and digging through my closet for clothes that I don’t mind ruining, just in case….
😉
LOL! I remember reading that book while in grade school, but heck if I can remember my opinion on it…. But I NEVER did like having my period, not then and not now…. *sighs*
Hugs
Julie
okay, it’s the 2nd here finally. Happy Birthday M!!!!!
and Tess, i’ll definitely let you know if there are any other birthdays today, but it’s not looking good :).